Invite, Include, Belong

One of the things that was a learning focus this week was the progression from invitation to inclusion to belonging. A partner, Jahmad Canley, shared a story of what it might feel like to not be invited to a?gathering, or if invited how not being included in engagement at the party influenced your sense of self and connection. Belonging is something?Brene' Brown often talks about. It is that deep internal human need to feel accepted and appreciated. Belonging deeply impacts our sense of well-being. When we feel most at peace and secure is when we feel a strong sense of belonging.

As Brene' has said, “The opposite of belonging is fitting in.”?Trying to fit in causes us to question ourselves. When we feel we don’t belong we often wonder if there is something wrong with us and we try to adapt or change, we struggle to be validated. Belonging is reinforcing of self, and validation is offered because those with whom we feel belonging value us.

Our community of support has been frequently?isolated from each other at all levels, especially since the journey to Qmlativ began (time and effort demands are hard to overcome). We work in an environment that too often fails to invite others to join together and grow toward belonging. Sadly, and in full transparency, I see how I have too often reinforced this lack of inclusiveness. Tearing down the barriers starts with an invitation.

This is not a critique of anyone, it is my reflection on what I am really hoping we can overcome together. We are what we are because of historical structures and agreements. Because we have been separate for so long we are struggling to find ways to truly think and function as One Team. When servers had to be locked in rooms near users the support communities grew up around the physical environment…and belonging was more geographically influenced?than conceptually. We are making progress that should be celebrated, but we have so much to work on at every?moment and every level.?

As we grow toward a sense of belonging, we begin to see that others are thinking about us in the midst of changes. If we had a true culture of belonging, we would more regularly reflect?on how we are reinforcing our shared purpose than working hard to simply get in the room where things that impact us are being discussed. We will know we have begun to move forward when we are invited to join in rather than waiting for the knocking on the door to be acknowledged.