Invitation
Kate Van Akin
Experienced leadership coach, facilitator, and change expert | McKinsey alum
Last weekend, I was speaking with a good friend of R’s about his 18 year-old-son – specifically, about potential options for summer internships. This man is an exemplary father. His love for both of his children is evident, and he works hard to provide them with a good life and every opportunity they could wish for. He cares deeply about helping them set off on a good path in life. And yet, as we discussed potential pathways into banking, consulting, or other large corporates, my sense was that neither of us was particularly enthused by the conversation. Not having children myself, I of course can’t fully appreciate the challenge of trying to motivate an 18-year-old who just wants to hang out with his friends and listen to music all day, but I found myself wondering about what this boy’s energetic response was to this topic. Did he feel excited, or did he feel 'meh' - like this was inevitable, so why fight it? What sorts of activities make him feel alive, or, dare I say, makes his heart sing?
Throughout the week, I’ve had conversations with a few people on the other side of these types of choices, all in their 40s. One friend just resigned from her law firm after about 20 years of practice; she doesn’t know what she’ll do next, but in the interim, she’s going to manage the several properties that she owns (which she is actually very excited about!). Another friend works in Learning & Development at a large organization but yearns to do something more artistic. A third works for Citibank, in compliance, which never seemed to me like a match for her vibrant, passionate personality. All three of them have this in common: though they feel their heart is yearning for something else, they have a hard time setting aside the past 20 years of experience. They say things like: “But I’ve invested so much time and money into my career – what, am I going to throw it all away?” or “How silly does this sound – someone with a law degree managing her AirBnBs?”
Actually, I don’t think it sounds silly or ridiculous at all. Since when did we begin to perceive following our passion as “throwing it all away”, if what we are “throwing away” makes us feel dull, lifeless, and stuck? And anyway, who are we to judge what others do with their time, as long as it fulfils them and doesn’t harm others? ?We can’t let our hearts be imprisoned by our professional qualifications, or even the high computing power of our brains.
When I was 22, my first job was selling fake advertising in Dubai (a story for another day). Unsurprisingly, I felt demotivated and uninspired. I picked up a book my friend Julie’s dad gave me when I graduated from university called Finding the Open Road, a series of interviews with people who loved what they did. The common theme was that they all followed their hearts. That was the first time I felt my own heart energy – this warm, excited vibration in my chest that was shouting to me: “not this, this!”. Since then, when making big life decisions, I have always tried to sense when my heart feels excited, even if my brain can’t find the logic in the idea.
What if, when considering life decisions, we gave our heart at least equal weight to our brain, if not more? If we started with the question of: “What excites, inspires, or intrigues me?” and then followed the energy, rather than asking “What will set me up for success?” The world needs more love, kindness, and acceptance, and this all becomes infinitely more possible when people feel a sense of joy and curiosity in their own lives. Personally (and I shared this with R’s friend), I think his son would be much better off spending this precious summer discovering what excites his own heart and trusting that opportunities will come his way. His path may or may not look different to his friends’, but he will also learn that he can trust himself to make decisions about his future.
This week’s poem, by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, is a powerful invitation that speaks straight from her heart to ours. Every time I read it, it stops me in my tracks. If you can, I suggest you read this one out loud, slowly, and notice how your heart responds.
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About Friday Pauses
We can all sense how a lack of presence in our daily life affects the quality of our relationships, our ability to form real connections – and yet we struggle to set aside distractions. In my Friday Pauses, I want to encourage us all to do just that – pause for a moment and feel what it’s like to be present by reading a poem.
If you’re new to Friday Pause, here’s what I suggest:
Stunning poem and post, Kate