The Invisible Struggle: Men's Mental Health & How to Break the Silence

Why on World Mental Health Day - ‘It’s OK to Not Be OK’ Isn’t Enough

This week, a friend of mine, Thomas Godfrey, shared a thought-provoking perspective on a well-known mental health phrase: “It’s OK to not be OK.” While it’s a step in the right direction, Thomas argued it’s not the finish line. He pointed out that staying in a state of “not being OK” is not OK.

I agree with Thomas. Men deserve more than simply accepting their struggles; they deserve to find a way through them. We need to acknowledge when we’re not OK and then take steps to change that. Because staying stuck in a cycle of anxiety, burnout, overwhelm, or even just a sense of emptiness, over a long period, is not OK. But that’s exactly what many men are doing.

The Mental Health Crisis Among Men

In the UK, men are three times more likely to die by suicide than women. The highest rates are among those aged 45-49. But it’s not just about extreme cases like suicide. Cardiovascular disease, burnout, chronic anxiety, and depression, all show up more frequently in men who keep everything locked away.?

Many men don’t realise they’re suffering. I didn’t. I endured chronic anxiety and bouts of depression for nearly a decade before I even realised it. It became a familiar companion I thought I just had to live with. But no one has to live like that.

Signs You Might Be ‘Not OK’ Without Realising It

1. Constant Irritability or Anger??

It’s easy to dismiss anger as stress, but it often signals deeper feelings of helplessness or overwhelm. If small things set you off frequently, it’s time to look deeper.

2. Withdrawal from Social Life

When men start pulling away from friends, family, or colleagues, they may be doing it to protect themselves from showing vulnerability. Isolation is often a red flag.

3. Sudden Changes in Behaviour?

Dramatic shifts in sleep patterns, appetite, or energy levels are often overlooked signs of anxiety or depression. These shifts are your body’s way of saying something’s not right.

4. Increased Reliance on Alcohol or Substances??

It’s common for men to turn to alcohol or other substances to escape, but the short-term relief they bring can turn into a destructive cycle.

5. Persistent Physical Symptoms

Headaches, back pain, or unexplained aches? These can often manifest from mental stress and prolonged anxiety, which literally weigh on the body. Bad digestion and poor skin health are also signs that all's not well mentally.

How to Take Action—Because You Deserve to Be OK

1. Acknowledge It’s More Than Just ‘A Bad Day’

It’s fine to have off days, but if feeling low becomes your default mode, it’s time to speak up. Telling yourself “It’s OK to not be OK” shouldn’t mean accepting it forever.

2. Reach Out to a Professional?

Therapists, coaches, counsellors - talking to someone who understands mental health is crucial. You can’t navigate a storm if you’re lost at sea without a map or a compass.

A recent meta-analysis found that men who engage in mental health coaching and therapy experience a 32% increase in emotional resilience and a 25% improvement in perceived well-being ([source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov )).

3. Create a Mental Fitness Routine??

Just as you have a physical fitness routine, building mental fitness is key. This can include mindfulness, journaling, and regular exercise, which has been proven to reduce anxiety by up to 48% ([source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov )).

4. Open Up to a Trusted Friend?

Sometimes, the first step isn’t professional help, but sharing with a friend. Talking honestly can lighten the load and make you feel less alone.

Why Staying ‘Not OK’ Isn’t OK

Let’s be clear. It’s crucial to admit when we’re struggling. But it’s equally crucial to take action. If being “not OK” has been your norm for weeks, months, or years, that’s not OK. It means something in your life needs to change, and you have the power to do it. It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility.

I know firsthand how debilitating it can be to carry on as if everything’s fine. It took me nearly ten years to recognise that my chronic anxiety and bouts of depression weren’t something I just had to live with. By sharing this, I hope it resonates with someone out there who thinks they just have to put up with it too.

Where to Start?

1. Have a Virtual Cuppa

If you’re reading this and it hits home, let’s talk. It’s not a commitment—just a conversation. A virtual cuppa to break the silence.

2. Book a Pro-Bono Breakthrough Session?

Take the first step and see if we can create a shift in the way you feel and think. A breakthrough might be closer than you realise.

You can find the links in my featured section. Thomas Godfrey and I will also be doing a LinkedIn Live soon on this very subject, so stay tuned for that too.

Remember: “It’s OK to not be OK” doesn’t mean you’re meant to stay that way. We all deserve to be OK. And that starts by taking action today.

Feel free to share your thoughts or reach out directly. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to stay stuck where you are.