The Invisible Mental Load of a Business Owner

Whether you’re a business owner, spouse, parent, or caregiver in any capacity, you’ve likely felt it. It’s the invisible mental load we carry when we’re responsible for actions and decisions that impact others. A “mental load” can be defined as the weight of tasks we carry on our mind, day in and day out, that we feel responsible for doing and monitoring, and they are often recurring. This means the mental load never ends and is a constant weight in our lives.

What mental load do you carry?

Think of the recurring tasks that are necessary for your home life, professional life, and social life. It’s that mental checklist of groceries, meal planning, chores, scheduling, project management, holidays and birthdays, social obligations, kids, and pets. Moreover, the dynamic between any two people (i.e. husband and wife) or group of people (i.e. work environment), often results in one person carrying the heavier mental load. Rarely is it balanced, and it’s never as simple as dividing all the tasks down the middle. This is because one person may be better equipped to carry that mental load, or they’ve been socialized to believe it’s their sole responsibility (hello, fellow wives and moms!). Rather than comparing our mental loads and making a case for who “has it worse,” I believe the more useful conversation is to first understand what each of us is carrying.

As a business owner, mom, wife, daughter, friend, and more, I’ve really dug into the concept of the mental load lately, foremost because I want to help other people in my life understand why some days just feel so “heavy” and how they might be able to best support. In turn, I genuinely want to understand other people’s mental loads, so I can offer the same support. Especially as a business owner, and particularly as a sole proprietor, I don’t expect to be able to offload many of the tasks that are specific to my authority and skills, but I do know I can lighten the load by simply sharing what I’m carrying.

To all of my fellow business owners, team leaders, wives, and moms, we wear a lot of hats. And some are exceptionally heavy. Here’s what I want you to hear today.

Know where you’re irreplaceable, and where you can delegate.

We all carry a mental load to some degree. The goal is not to fully offload this to others, because as humans we genuinely desire a purpose and to be a part of an ecosystem. The key to balancing the mental load and managing it before it becomes crushing, is to identify where you are irreplaceable and where you can delegate. In some areas of your life, you will carry a load that only you can. If you’re a business owner, this is likely in leading the vision and mission of your enterprise. Your skill, experience, and leadership is highly valuable in this area and not easily replaced. Embrace it! Instead, focus on other tasks that another person could complete equally as effectively, and allow them to be delegated.

Examine why you might not want to let go.

Once you have taken an inventory of the mental load you carry and what tasks can be delegated, have you run into a roadblock of why you can’t or won’t allow them to be taken on by someone else? Pride, insecurity, fear, control, and any other number of excuses can cause you to hold on to tasks that are weighing you down. Maybe you’ve been carrying a mental load for so long that it’s all you know. Maybe there’s a level of comfort in the weight and control. I get it, truly I do! But I also know the short-term discomfort and adjusting to delegating tasks stands to serve you greatly in the long term. Make that investment for the sake of yourself and the other relationships in your life.

Teach people how to help you.

This was an eye-opening revelation for me. The least helpful phrase in the American language is, “Let me know how I can help you.” Here’s why. When you say this to someone, especially to someone who is already carrying a heavy mental load, you’re essentially assigning one more task to them. You’re saying, search, identify, and delegate the tasks you need me to take on, tell me what to do, and then oversee it. Even if it’s not what you mean, it’s what someone often hears when they’re already bogged down with tasks and projects. Instead, we need to speak up and help train people to help us in a way that will actually help. Kindly suggest to your spouse, employee, teammate that they 1. take on the task of observing; 2. do their homework to identify how they can help with a task they see you doing based on their skills and interests; and 3. kindly but firm insist that “I will take this on for you. I want to help.” This is far more helpful and genuine to someone who needs someone to jump in the water and swim to them with a life raft, not just stand on the shore shouting.

Embrace that done is better than perfect.

And here is the real secret to success. In most instances, done is better than perfect. Those mundane, recurring tasks aren’t rocket science or brain surgery (or if they are, I have some real questions about the bigger tasks you carry). They are likely things like client follow-up, invoicing, proposal writing (for your business) or grocery shopping, laundry, and managing household schedules (for your personal life). When you delegate some of these tasks, expect the other person to do them a little bit differently than how you would. It’s natural! But also choose the hill you’re willing to die on. Okay, so they get a different brand of toilet paper. Let go of control and worry and embrace the mental freedom that offloading this task brings. Or if it really bothers you, kindly make a suggestion as to how you’d like it to be done. But avoid the trap of micromanagement. Otherwise, you’re adding to your own mental load and have no one to blame but yourself!

What mental load are you carrying in this season of life? Is it sustainable, enjoyable, and fruitful? I hope these ideas have opened up a new way of thinking about your mental load, and the mental load that others are carrying.

What useful information do you plan to apply to your life? Share a thought or ask me a question in the comments!

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