Invisible Growth - Developing the Parts of You Nobody Sees

In leadership training and development programs, the focus is often placed on skills that you can see. Decision making, problem solving, performance management, team development, communication skills. All these are important, but are secondary to getting to know yourself first.

I call this "invisible growth". This is the growth you do internally that people don't really see. It's the internal narrative, the stories you tell yourself, the thoughts and feelings you have. Spending time on invisible growth is paramount to becoming an effective leader, and an emotionally intelligent human.

Here's a story about invisible growth.

I was working with a client, we'll call her Jane. Jane was a productive and relied upon member of her team, and presents as a strong, capable worker - and was seen as a mentor and expert in the product she managed. However, in our first coaching conversation - a lot of internal struggles came to light.

"I'm anxious all the time."

"What if I come across as an asshole when I tell someone to do something?"

"I have so much work to do and I keep getting more work and I don't think I can get it all done, and I cant say no."

Even her non-verbal communication and body language reflected this anxiety. She spoke really fast, hands thrown in the air while she spoke, and the beginning of the call there was an exasperated breath before launching into all these negative thoughts on her mind.

All of these anxious, overwhelming stories she's telling herself weighed on her, making it difficult to prioritize work and she often worked late to try and accomplish as much as she could. While she was being productive and getting work done, she was also stressed and overwhelmed - but quietly and away from work. Anyone she worked with would have no idea that she felt this way, but it was impacting her mental health and eventually would impact her performance.

This is the invisible struggle that many leaders face each day, and the part they aren't prepared for when taking a leadership role.

Over the course of a few sessions, we allowed these stories to be told and acknowledged. Airing out the wounds instead of covering them up. Jane started to create new stories for herself, and we came up with ways to help her shift her perspective and re-draw boundaries for herself. After about 3 sessions, there was a shift. She was saying no to extra work. She delegated tasks to people that could benefit from learning a new skill. She was setting expectations with her leader and team on what she would and would not be available for. She re-trained her inner story to be more empowering and positive. She let go of what was outside her control, and focused on tasks that mattered and aligned with her goals and objectives.

The visible shift I saw was a noticeably more relaxed Jane. She spoke more slowly and intentionally. She got curious with her feelings and asked questions to herself about how to work through it instead of spiraling. The work was still a lot, but how she was able to manage her inner thoughts changed. She recognized that she didn't need to boil the ocean to be seen as an effective leader. While others around her may not have seen much of a shift in how she carried herself (since she was quiet about her thoughts and feelings with them before), internally she was feeling more at peace, in control, and determined.

This, to me, is invisible growth. Others may not see it, but you feel it. You feel the change in how you carry yourself, how you deal with challenges, and the stories you tell yourself.

Invisible growth is essential for leaders

I share this story because a lot of what it means to be a leader is growing invisibly before (or along) with learning the concrete skills of leadership. Building that resilience, and the tools to care for and understand yourself allows you to lead authentically without sacrificing your own well-being.

Want to learn more about my leadership coaching program? Book a free chemistry session with me and let's talk about how to create your fullest.