Invincible system to neutralize jealousy

In souls nobly born, valor does not depend upon age. This is a saying which, in my mind, perfectly applies to a certain football star being the young French man- Kylian Mbappé for reasons I will provide a bit soon as far as our article on the invincible system to annihilate jealousy is concerned.

In the meanwhile, “A sibling is born to rescue their siblings from woes, the reason that you have been born is that you carry a mission which involves rescuing your brothers and sisters. Don’t deviate from it, that’s the primary reason that you are now alive,” said a preacher who taught us on 12th November2023. Here the word “sibling” was figuratively used. He intended to mean not only your biological sibling but also that everybody else is your sibling spiritually.

We will come back to all this as the article progresses. Meantime, we are responding to our promise of producing an article which focuses on how you can successfully defeat jealousy. We made the promise in our article on the same subject of “jealousy” and for more details, you can click on https://bitly.ws/32Foa.

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Let us first open the details of this article with the following words. “Be happy for other people’s success. Why doesn’t someone’s success make us happy? Instead, it often triggers just the opposite reaction. Firstly, while contemplating why we aren’t the ones who succeeded, very often the first thing we think about is injustice. Sometimes the first thing we think about when someone is promoted is whether that person deserves the position, how they got it, whether they had enough skills and abilities, whether the promotion can endanger us in some way … Rarely do we think and say: Great news! How did you achieve that? Can you be my mentor? I’m so happy for you.

We may even begin to believe that life is not fair to us.?Why does everyone get recognition except me??You probably think he/she didn’t deserve a promotion and you did. Fears and insecurities are an inevitable part of life. When a person around us succeeds, we sometimes begin to be filled with jealousy, anger, bitterness, and envy because we believe that the success that a person has rightly achieved should be ours. When someone succeeds, people around him perceive it as their failure and that is why they can hardly be happy for other people’s success,” Business to Business/Coaching and Consulting [ https://balance2business.me].

However, Balance to Business and Sue Boccio- registered Dental Hygienist/ CEO Dental Mental Network/Certified Wellness Practitioner/ Certified Health Coach/ Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine, recommend us to celebrate the success of others. In other words, we need to be excited with others’ success as exactly as we are excited with our own success.

She says “Think back to when somebody you knew received a promotion, achieved something remarkable, or got a better job? How did you feel at that moment? Thrilled? Jealous? Now recall your last achievement or accomplishment. How wonderfully did you feel about yourself? Now, think for a minute how good it would feel if you were just as excited about another's success as you were about yourself. Why? Some benefits of celebrating the success of others may include creating optimism rather than feeling disheartened.”

She further states that one of the greatest tactics enabling a person to rejoice over other people’s achievements includes developing a loving attitude. She asserts that this represents a method which will assuredly benefit you massively. “What does it mean to be as excited about the success of others as it is about our own? Well, this is a matter of attitude. Adopting a loving attitude will help you to build on the success of those you know and feel a personal connection. This might be challenging at times, but it's a terrific way to help us lead more positive lives and get more in return. Learn the benefits and notice how your attitude shift can boost your well-being.”

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Business to Business says “Therefore, be happy about the success of others because perhaps you are the next one whose success people should be happy for. Having support is always important, especially if it comes from a team and close co-workers. That way we create an unbreakable chain and become stronger in our common mission.”

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The system proper

As already explained in our edition on the topic of jealousy accessible at the link furnished above, the backbone of definitively quashing jealousy involves

(1)?? ceasing to compare yourself with others,

(2)? developing the loving attitude that Boccio and even others not featured in this article promote,

(3)? convincing your mind that your role on this planet isn’t to combat anyone but instead to support everyone in your capacities as this is underscored by the pastor who encourages every person to feel that they have been born to rescue their siblings,

(4)? feeling sincerely delighted with other people’s tremendous accomplishments even if you didn’t possess any direct benefits from their successes, and

(5)? constant scanning of thoughts which penetrate your mind.

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A.??? Ceasing to compare yourself with others

Let’s now come back to the adage “In souls nobly born, valor does not depend upon age” where I have said that it correctly matches the football star Mbappé and promised that I would furnish the reasons.

For those who already know the guy, it cannot be surprising to affirm that he is an amazingly talented footballer who has already attained stunning success in his football career.

It is even corroborated by Radio Times [ https://www.radiotimes.com/tv/sport/football/best-football-players-world]. “Heralding the finest player on the planet is a near-impossible task given the spread of options in terrific form and those improving all the time. Erling Haaland made a mockery of Premier League defences during his maiden voyage last term, Kylian Mbappe remains an outrageously talented megastar, while Lionel Messi is in the process of lighting up an entirely new continent at the age of 36.”

The question “Who is the best football player in the world” has always been asked and it shall be asked. But I am not sure whether people will all concur on one answer, since I believe that there will always be those who will answer “It’s X” while the others respond “It’s Y.” I’m also supported by Radio Times saying “Who is the best football player in the world? The question will always be asked; the answer will never be unanimous.”

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The question was always asked about Christiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi whereby some people argued that it is Ronaldo who is the best football player while the others maintained that it is Messi. The same question was asked about late Edson Arantes do Nascimento, better known by his nickname -Pelé and late Diego Maradona.

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The same question is being raised about Erling Haaland aged 23 and Mbappé aged 24. Featuring them in this article doesn’t signify that I intend to provide my opinion on the question-no! I simply want to show that all these people being compared by other individuals are personalities who are immensely amazing. If Haaland is the 1st best player and Mbappé being the 2nd best player or vice-versa, both of them are outstanding beyond imagination.

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Nothing extremely interesting has been expressed about this French man yet. But it is going to immediately follow. I accurately remember that when this guy was asked about how he compared himself to other football stars especially Messi, Christiano, Pélé, Zinedine Zidane and Thiery Henri; he replied “I don’t actually want to be compared with anyone. I don’t compare myself with anybody, and I want nobody to compare me. I wish to establish my name as Mbappé.” He added that those are names he actually respects in the football sphere and that they are considerably inspirational in this discipline but he underlined that he doesn’t like being compared. I’m not quite sure of when he voiced these comments and I have attempted to seek them but in vain. But I think it might be at the end of 2018 or the very beginning of 2019.

He instead insisted that he was keen on working hard to accomplish exceedingly great things in the discipline which has conquered the hearts of most of the humanity.

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An aspect more amazing on him is that he has achieved extremely more than what he initially expected. His determination not to compare with anyone has contributed colossally to it. We observe his unexpected success in an extract taken from his exclusive interview with Paris Match [ https://www.parismatch.com].

The excerpt starts with the words stated by Paris Match “Be always passionate about the game’ Michael Jordan advises to young basketball players.” Mbappé replied “That’s why I started football at 4 years, not for me to be a star! I wanted to become a very good footballer, share my joy of living and my pleasure to play since when I was very young, that’s what players whom I admired transmitted to me.”

He has already obtained remarkable success but which is unexpected. First, he has become what he didn’t initially mean to be and that’s what actually happens when you abominate comparing yourself with others, and jealousy. He has become a megastar,and he didn’t initially anticipate it.

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In its article “Best football players in the world ranked 2023”, Haaland is ranked 5th while Mbappé is ranked the 2nd after Messi occupying the 1st position. But on the 2023 Ballon d’Or/Golden Ball ranking, Messi is the 1st as the winner followed by Haaland and then Mbappé in the 3rd place.

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The reason why I have said that in nobly born souls, valor doesn’t wait for a number of years is that it is from Mbappé that I first learnt that is unwise to compare oneself with others. Since then, it has intensely shaped me and entrenched me more into this mentality of not comparing myself with any other people. However, he was then too young for a person to really believe that he can bear such mindset which is positive and hugely rich.

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Theodore Roosevelt once stated that comparing oneself also known as social comparison is the thief of joy; which is substantiated by studies. The latter ones show that social comparison carries the potential to significantly reduce self-esteem and overall well-being.?

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There are people who argue that social comparison can generate the positive impact of working hard to improve as a result of self-comparison, though these people also agree upon the negative impact already indicated. But, I can’t promote social comparison in any way. What I can instead recommend is that others’ achievements should inspire you, without you necessarily being driven by the spirit of self-comparison which eventually leads to jealousy. Why do you compare yourself with others, to get inspiration or motivation?

Self-comparison can limit you. What if Mbappé had compared himself with another person? A likely scenario is that he could have confined himself to that person. Limiting himself to that person could not have enabled him to reach where he stands now and could prevent him from getting to where he will arrive in the future.

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On Quora Akshay Raj, a former?Business Development Associate, has written a piece of advice and I have been excited to put it among points concluding this section. “Comparing yourself with someone else is the worst thing you can do. Because you will be looking at the good part of the person and comparing that part to yourself would make you say that ‘I am such a waste.’ Instead of comparing with someone else focus on yourself and find out that factor you need to improve in yourself such that you can be better than what are you now.

For example: ?Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the best football players in the world and Lewis Hamilton is one of the best F1 Racer. But Ronaldo can’t drive as fast as Hamilton and Hamilton can’t play as good as Ronaldo. Everyone has something within them that they can do it the best than anyone else. You just need to find that factor instead of comparing yourself with someone else.”

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John Poulose, Harvard Alumnus /Business Strategist and Experienced Leader says “Refrain from constantly comparing yourself to others and do not take their successes too personally. Work on improving yourself rather than comparing yourself to others or focusing on their success too much. In case you do get jealous of others' achievements, try focusing on your own successes instead of comparing yourself to others.”

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B.??? Developing the loving attitude

The booklet ‘Thought for Today’ the foreword of which has been formulated by Robert Best, Managing Director/Barbados Advocate reads “Pure love is the basis of eternal relationships.”

According to Boccio in her December 8th 2020 article on LinkedIn, this attitude will certainly bring you a positive impact which consists of satisfaction, and willpower, among others. She also affirms that the loving attitude will permit you to weave strong friendship.

As for satisfaction, she says “We all profit from greater fulfillment by being brave and selfless enough to accept the success of others. Instead of bitter, we feel fulfilled. Having the courage to celebrate the success of your friend as you would your own can result in personal satisfaction if you think... Well, I know someone who works in X company right now! Be grateful, your inner circle of relationships and acquaintances is growing; you should feel excitement about this prospect. Celebrating others will also strengthen your friendship with them.?Healthy relationships include sharing ups and downs. Folks are more likely to react favorably to you if they believe you are genuinely happy for them.”

About willpower she says “Beyond taking advantage of the resources available where possible, our ability to accept the successes of others helps develop our own determination. American football player and coach Vince Lombardi said, "The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, nor a lack of knowledge, but a lack of will." We can each reawaken our wills, when we endorse the success of others. Get motivated to find your own passion and work toward more tremendous personal success.”

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C.??? Convincing your mind that your role is to support everyone in your capacities

Thought for Today reads “Time is life. Wasting time is wasting one’s life. If you spend an hour in worthwhile actions, there is 1 000-fold gain. If you waste an hour in useless actions, there is 1 000-fold loss. As thoughts are the seeds of all actions, let me plant only good, pure seeds so that the fruit will be the best.”

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Your mind and time are the most important resources that you have. Thus, you have to invest them into worthwhile things one of which being to support people instead of degrading them. “Sometimes due to jealousy we try to degrade others, in so doing we degrade ourselves,” Though for Today.

If you want to succeed in this, you have to always meditate or ruminate the fact that your primary role is to assist everyone instead of destroying anybody. You have to always think that you are alive essentially to save people rather than endangering them, as highlighted by the preacher. Whatever you always think convincingly and feel in your head will come true.

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D.?? Feeling sincerely delighted with other people’s tremendous accomplishments

“Try to never feel that you are competing against anyone; it’s better to have the feeling that you are helping all,” states Thought for Today.

As highlighted by this above photo, you ought to celebrate over other people's success like that. Don't hesitate to jump with joy and excitement when you hear another person's great achievement as you exactly do it when you register success.

Boccio says “If we celebrated the success of others as if it were our own, we could experience a massive surge in positivity and joy, leading to greater optimism, the latter benefiting our own health. Studies have established that an optimistic view on life contributes to protecting against cardiovascular disease and preventing premature death from other illnesses including cancer, stroke, respiratory disease, and infection.”

“These rewards in terms of health are compelling, and they confirm there is power in positive thinking. Another earlier study established that positive psychology "assets," including optimism and positive emotions, are excellent predictors of good physical wellness.”

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In the City of Kigali in Rwanda there are traders at whom I have marveled. They represent the perfect example, of traders free of jealousy and rivalry, to be imitated without any reservations. They have recently paid a comforting visit to their trade mate who has experienced misfortune. They have provided the family with an amount of money to assist them in coping with the situation. “We have come to visit you so as for us to show you that we all really love you and that we remain together with you. We reassure you that we will support you in accordance with our capacities, and don’t worry since you really boast a big family which comprises all these people that you see here. Be strengthened, you will even acquire more than what you have lost,” said their then representative in his speech to the family.

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In a private conversation with one of them, he told me “We don’t engage in rivalry for customers, each of us gets their customers and returns home with enough money to feed the family. We support one another while we trade in the same products. When a customer comes and asks me for commodities and that I find I don’t have them, I call any of my trade mates having them to bring them so that I can supply them for the customer, and of course my colleague takes the money.”

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E.??? Constant scanning of thoughts which penetrate your mind

“Recognise jealousy when you see it and deal with it head-on. Do not let jealousy hinder your success or sabotage your plans. Acknowledge the feelings of envy and inadequacy that come with jealousy, however do not let it take over. Take steps to improve yourself and your situation, whether that means self-reflection or talking to others,” says Poulose before adding “Learn to forgive yourself and move on. Accept the feelings of insecurity and inadequacy that come with jealousy as part of the journey of self-improvement, rather than dwelling on it excessively. Through self-reflection and self-esteem building, you can gradually overcome jealousy and reach your goals.”

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Poulose advises us to apply positive self-talk and remember our accomplishments and successes in life so as for us to defeat the feelings of jealousy and envy. “Prioritising your feelings is a basic self-care that has helped people cope with jealousy.?Treat?yourself with kindness and compassion even when you feel disappointed or frustrated with yourself. Surround yourself with positive people who will help you stay on track. It is important to surround yourself with people with the right attitude and who will support you in pursuing your goals.”

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In fact, the key to address any issue includes agreeing that you are experiencing it and then pinpointing its cause(s). Recognizing the issue also involves comprehending and feeling its disastrous consequences upon you.

Thus, as recomended by Poulose, when you feel jealousy, don’t let it pass unnoticed. Take time to feel how it is emotionally affecting you and attempt to dissect limitations that it is creating you.

All this will conduce for you to adopt an unwavering decision.

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By Jean Baptiste Ndabananiye-Media, Empowerment& MBA.?

ADEPE Deputy-Programs Manager, with a demonstrated history/experience of involvement in women’s empowerment, project/program management, peace-building/conflict transformation, training, public awareness campaigns, governance and budget transparency, advocacy, documentation, the broadcast media industry, and community justice, among others.

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He is skilled in English and French, Project& Program Management, Media Production, Peace-building, Leadership, Advocacy, and Kinyarwanda- English-French Translation, among others. Strong management, media and communication professional with a Bachelor's and Master's focused in Journalism& Communication and MBA-Project Management respectively from University of Rwanda and Mount Kenya University.

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