Investing in Customer & Personal Resiliency

Peter Salovey & John Mayer define Emotional Intelligence (EI) as "the ability to monitor one's own and other people's emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior."?(Goleman, 2005).

I have recently formally moved into the role of Director of Customer Advocacy at Infinite Blue. While I have performed components of the role for years, it was time to formalize and expand the department in light of our company’s exponential growth. The department title truly reflects the role. Our team is the single point of contact (SPOC) for the customer, from implementation and on.

We provide expertise, strategic advisory, and direction on Organizational Resilience, Business Continuity, Disaster Recovery, Cybersecurity, Vendor Risk, act in the role of trusted advisor, as well as the use of our BCM solution, BC In The Cloud.

Our customer base is very passionate about our Business Continuity software and our company. I work with an amazing group of people who love their job and have an exemplary passion for the field. Our referral rate tops at 98% for the last eight years, and a significant portion of our new business comes from word-of-mouth. I believe it is the high level of Emotional Intelligence (EI) that resides in our company that is a key factor of our success.?EI creates solid, long-term relationships with people, and in kind, the companies they work with.

Our rocket trajectory on onboarding new clients is opening up the need for growing the team. Recently, I was Zooming with my boss, Jason, in our always enjoyable informal one-on-ones. We discussed core competencies of candidates. The conversation turned quickly to the prioritization of soft skills over technical expertise. One can be taught to attain certification in Business Continuity, however, soft, interpersonal skills are honed over a lifetime.

As the conversation wound down, Jason asked what skill I most focused on when screening candidates. Without hesitation I answered, “How high is their EI,” how do they go about building their emotional bank accounts.” It was not surprising that he agreed.

Surprisingly, the majority of candidates I interviewed were unfamiliar with the concept and were unable to express examples in their career where EI was required. The candidates that impressed me were the few that immediately understood and could easily related their previous experiences to the use of EI.

While we are all familiar with the functions of a bank account-- making deposits, hopefully saving money, and when we need our fund’s equity, we withdraw it. An emotional bank account is an account built from trust, instead, as a form of currency.

Emotional Intelligence (EI), commonly referred to as EQ (the Emotional Quotient) is increasingly recognized as a key to both personal and professional success. Studies have shown that people with high EQ have greater?mental health,?job performance, and?leadership skills. EQ is typically associated a high level of empathy. Regardless of who you are, or the role you occupy, EQ impacts everyone you interact with on a daily basis.

Over the last decade or so, books, speakers, and consulting firms in EQ have grown in popularity, and are increasingly sought by individuals seeking to become more effective leaders.

While I am not a huge fan of Self-Help or “personal improvement” books, there are two that I have adopted as part of my personal and professional daily life. The first is Steven Coveys’ Coveys’ The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. The last book I was serendipitously exposed to at the kickoff of a series of monthly seminars our company has invested with Positive Foundry, a consulting firm that specializes in personal and professional growth. The book is “Happiness” by Douglas A Smith.

While I have read each book at vastly different points in my life, it was only recently, with Happiness, that I was able to realize the interwoven messages around EQ, and the success it has brought me. At distinct stages of my life, there were people that I consider mentors or influences that exposed me to these powerful publications. Had I not taken the job in a hospital IT department, I would not have met my business partner, who convinced me to leave and form a consulting group that blended IT, resiliency, and Organizational Development. Part of the materials and content came from Covey. I have to thank our CEO, Frank Shultz for bringing in Positive Foundry, otherwise I would not have been exposed to Smiths’ “Happiness”, and the revelation of a high understanding of EQ. I am also a believer that nothing ever happens by accident. At the first Positive Foundry company meeting, they have giveaways, and one of them was Happiness. The person who never wins anything (me), won the book.

Covey uses the metaphor of the?Emotional Bank Account?to describe “the amount of trust that’s been built up in a relationship”. I cannot think of another more powerful description when describing a relationship. The basic tenet of this simple, yet profound principle is that we maintain a personal “emotional” bank account with anyone who we have a relationship with, either professionally or personally. This account starts with a zero balance. Just as with any real-life bank account, we can make deposits and withdrawals. The awareness and efforts to build and positive contribute to these accounts is the very foundation for fostering emotional intelligence.

Smith also writes on EQ, and goes as far as to include a quote from Daniel Goleman in “Emotional Intelligence”: “Psychologists argue that IQ contributes only about 20 percent of the factors that determine success. A full 80 percent comes from other factors, including what I call, emotional intelligence.”

What really tied EQ to personal and professional success was how Smith linked your overall skill of relationships to EQ, and the “Jen ratio,” a ratio designed by Kohn and Julie Gottman, primarily for marriage (works for all close personal relationships). They describe this as a ratio of positive to negative interactions, and assert that a successful marriage has a ration of at least 5:1.

In the workplace, the Jen ratio is often referred to as the Losada ratio. The rage for effective organizations has a ratio of between 3-12:1. If the ratio exceeds 12:1, genuine conflict that needed for growth within a company is necessary, and not happening.

?Covey has a succinct, direct method of identifying six ways to make deposits in your EQ bank account (or reduce the impact from a withdrawal):

?Emotional Bank Account Deposit Effort #1

Making a concerted effort to understand the other person. Listen, really listen to what your counterpart is saying. Digest and empathize with how they may feel. It is important to care for others and act with kindness. Understand what is important to them, and by virtue of you caring about them, makes it important to you.

This applies to both your personal and business relationships. People can see when you make a genuine effort, and it goes a long way to fund deposits to the account.

Emotional Bank Account Deposit Effort #2

Pay attention to the little things. When left unattended, seemingly little things tend to become BIG problems. From closing out a support ticket, sending out a quote, to remembering birthday or an anniversary. Doing the little things is how we honor and show respect for others and build trust. I find that Gratitude is a little thing that goes a long way, and is often forgotten.?I love recognizing and appreciating my family for small actions, like bringing me a cup of coffee in the morning. They see it as a small thing, but once appreciated for it, the gratitude resonates at a much higher level, and hence a deposit.

Whether it is a gift for no reason to a personal relationship or reaching out to see how a customer is doing on a personal level with no ulterior motive, it creates a large deposit.

Emotional Bank Account Deposit Effort #3

Honor thy commitments. Ever had someone not respond or not show up to one of your meetings? Showing up consistently later, or not at all has far greater removal on the account versus attending. For those of you who show up on time, on the rare occasion that you fall short in being later or not being present, explain the reason, and ask for forgiveness, to lessen the negative impact. Those that are consistently late, regardless of excuses, have a negative balance with you, and are not even aware they are creating a huge deficit.

During my formative years, my father was consistent in forgetting to pick me or my younger sister up on time from after school events, and we eventually became estranged after his divorce. ?We reconnected over the last 5 years, and he is making efforts on deposits. My sister shared that it will take a very long time before she regains any semblance of trust.

?Emotional Bank Account Deposit Effort #4

Clarity in mutual expectations. Regardless of the type of relationships, we consistently expect others to know what we expect of them. While we know people cannot read minds, there is always an unspoken level of expectations. Communicating our expectations can help create a higher level of trust. When we ask for what we want, and we get it, we can then trust a little more. The longer the relationship goes without these discussions, the harder it gets. Setting expectations late in a relationship requires enormous courage and can go a long way to saving it.

During my time at a previous company, I inherited a difficult customer. We could never satisfy the client and were always at odds. I met face-to -face with them, and inquired how we were falling short on their expectations. It turned out, when they verbalized their expectations, there was the self-realization that they were totally unrealistic. Today, even after both of us leaving our respective jobs, we are close friends. It just required the conversation on setting the expectation.

Emotional Bank Account Deposit Effort #5 (2 Parts)

Honesty & Personal Integrity. Integrity is the moral foundation upon which trusting relationships are built. When we operate with sound moral character, it makes it natural for others to trust us. Terms like “Loyalty” and “Respect” fall under this effort. I pride myself on my word and strive to live up to it. My goal is to have my customers be a referral to new prospects. It is for their integrity that we can grow our business.

Apologizing When We Make a Withdrawal. Not a Will Smith apology, but a real, heartfelt, sincere one. We will make mistakes; it is part of life, and I am a professional at it! But when you see you have violated a trust, sincerely apologizing is how we counteract the damage we have done.

I have come to learn that a real, emotional, and sincere apology actually creates a deposit! Be very aware that frequent apologies become insincere and create exponential withdrawals, as the sincerity and trust are in question.

Emotional Bank Account Deposit Effort #6

Unconditional Love. Yes, this came as a surprise when I was researching this article. Reading further, I came to the realization that while Covey lists it last, its importance is the highest. You may scoff, as you do not correlate love to your job, or your customers, which is ok, I do. Hence the impetus for this article.

I stated earlier that I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as a coincidence. To further illustrate this concept, I stopped over my son, Alex’s apartment the other day. This article had remained dormant for three weeks, as I was stuck on Unconditional Love. Alex is a surgeon in Philadelphia, and I do not get to see him often due to the long hours he puts in. While waiting for him to come off of call, I was looking at the books on his shelf, passing the ones on permanent borrow from Dad. I pulled out “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran. For those of you not familiar with him, the book of poetry first published in 1923 has gone on to sell ten million copies. In the book, the prophet is asked to share views on life, children, marriage, etc. An enjoyable read, regardless. My son had one of those fluorescent sticky notes as a bookmark. I flipped the book open to the sticky note, on the chapter on work. He had underlined a verse that speaks to his profession and helped me to bring this article to closure: “Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy.”

The passage was the epiphany I needed. When you love someone unconditionally, you add to their sense of security, a sense of personal worth. When they know that, they are empowered to live and work to their fullest capacity, with integrity and cooperation. When you love what you do, the caring and passion carries over to your co-workers and customers.

I love this company and collaborating with my customers. I take the greatest joy in seeing them both succeed. They know I will do what it takes to help them on their journey. I am not only aware of by EQ bank status, but work on making sure the dividend stays high.

When your trust level with others is high, it is because you have made copious amounts of positive deposits, making effective communications, and the relationship with them almost effortless. Not only people can see you for who you truly are, they understand and appreciate you. My professional coach, Hillary says, that you are then “seen.” Being seen, for me is the pinnacle of any relationship. When there are issues that negatively affect the relationship, or a failure with a customer, you automatically draw on that reserve and the relationship remains solid.

Sarcasm, showing up consistently late to meetings, forgetting special occasions, interrupting others, failing short on deliverables, are strong negative withdrawals, quickly causing your emotional bank account to become overdrawn. You have jeopardized the trust. Low trust results in miscommunication, misunderstanding, negative assumptions, and eventually the end of the relationship, if you do not take sincere, focused efforts in investing in their bank account.

When you step back and see the precious and important relationships in your life, (spouse/life partner, children, friends, and boss, and yes customers), they thrive on constant, positive deposits. Those relationships continue to mature and change. With those changes come new and different expectations with. Navigating through those changes requires a solid foundation, built on trust.

Look to dating, the expectations are low, and deposits are high and frequent (hopefully). When there are too many withdrawals early on, the relationship suffers or may face its premature demise. As the relationship matures, both the Gottman and Jen ratio demonstrates, they can temper down.

Regardless of intimate relationships, children becoming teenagers, or onboarding of a new employee, building a high EQ and frequent positive deposits are vital. Relationships only succeed when you invest in them. When you invest in them, you are investing in yourself.

A long time ago, a wise friend once shared with me, “People do business with people they trust and respect, companies come and go.”?This was long before EI, yet in retrospect, she had one of the highest levels of EI I have ever experienced. I took what she said to heart, and after reflection, that it is true.

Throughout my career I have been blessed to experience many different organizations in depth, either as an employee or as a consultant.?The companies that were successful held EQ/EI in high esteem, and it was evident in their culture.?I feel at home here at Infinite Blue.?I want to contribute to this company, in part because of the strong emphasis on EQ. And yes, the account here has a high rate of return!