Invest in THIS thing that most Professionals skip; the Return is Immeasurable!

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Today is the fourth installment of my 4-part series on assessing the personal and professional return on investment (ROI) that happens when you as a busy individual choose to invest in yourself. Today, we talk about the ROI you can gain in the form of physical and even medical wellness, when you choose to invest in your own self development.

Now, I say self development because as you develop your “self”, you are also developing your personal and professional self. These are inextricably linked. They build off of one another and that’s because you as the “self” are the common denominator. So many messages are sent out to completely separate your business self from your personal self, and while boundaries are necessary, there are significant, life-altering disadvantages to over-doing this separation.

Perhaps you can relate to one or more of these experiences:

“I’m always so tired”

“By the end of the day I have no energy left to do anything”

“I’m easily irritated”

“My head hurts so often”

“I feel out of shape”

“I’m fatigued all the time”

“I feel like I’m on edge”

“I can’t seem to think straight”

“I keep having these weird medical issues”

“I’m numb”

“I’m overwhelmed”

“I can’t sleep well”

“I want to sleep too much”

“My body is always tense”

“This neck and back pain is killing me”

I commonly hear variations of these statements from busy professionals, and they assume it is all due to physical or medical ailments. People tend to understand the benefits of tending to their physical health but when it comes to mental and emotional health, the tune starts to change. It’s seen as a luxury or a waste of time and money to invest in something that’s not easily measured by the naked eye, or able to be tangibly observed in some way. Americans, in general, like clear, evidence-based, quantifiable outcomes. All too often, mental and emotional wellness aren’t considered as such. But, what if I told you that your physical and medical health IS indeed, significantly impacted by your mental and emotional wellness (or lack thereof)?

Would you believe me?

Today I’m going to share a piece of my own experience. I’m going to take you back to a time when my lack of investment in my own emotional and mental wellness, resulted in devastating physical and medical health.

I had just had my second child, was planning my DIY wedding and my fiance and I had just moved into our first place together. My son had come 6 weeks early, and wound up needing to stay in the NICU. As I cared for my older daughter, I made sure, like clock-work, every two hours I’d be pumping to give my son the milk he needed to get strong, so he could come home soon. I’d bounce back and forth from home to hospital. Once he came home, the grind continued. I continued to do my best to please everyone at work (I didn't want them to think I’d be of my game as a new mother of two), while regularly pumping, taking care of the kids, planning my wedding, working full-time, and taking care of the house and finances.

As a Master’s level clinician, I enjoyed my work providing therapy to high risk teens and their families within the community. However, the on-call requirements, and the evening and weekend hours were no longer going to work for this stage of life I’d entered into. It was time for a change.

I had worked hard for the additional certification that allowed me to work in the schools. I thought I’d be set if I could work in the schools. I’d be doing work I loved, plus get home at a good time to be with my kids and have summertime with them. 

Win-win, I thought. 

Except I had to take a 20k pay cut to do this.

The benefits to my family were worth it, I thought. 

I’d just have to take on some consulting on the side, to make a bit of extra money. I could set my own schedule with consulting, so I figured it’d be fine. 

Although I’d be leaving one job in order to work two, I’d communicated everything to my new employer and she said she understood- she was on board with it.

I’ve got this, I told myself.

So, I made sure to adhere to the hours needed at both jobs, only my new employer was now expecting me to work past hours. She could not provide me the required supervision during the working hours and so told me I had to make after-hours work. After a variety of like-issues, the work environment became more and more toxic. Lo’ and behold, others were struggling with the same, but they’d stayed silent.

This is not okay, I told myself. But, what could I do?

Things got worse.

Little by little, I started feeling more and more anxious driving to work. Micro-managing was in full-swing, and it was not something I was comfortable with. My anxiety grew. 

Things at home were busy and hectic, but “I could handle it on my own. I had to.”

I didn't want to burden my bridesmaids with tons of extra things to do, so I limited asking for help.

I didn’t want to stress my partner out more, so I took care of the house and bills quietly.

I didn’t want to seem like I couldn’t handle things, so I let no one know I was stressed.

I didn’t have the time nor the luxury of spending money on self-care, so I just kept pushing forward.

I didn’t want to be in this kind of work-position again with a micromanaging boss, so I decided it was time to go ahead and get that PhD I had planned on getting.

I applied for my PhD program, and I got in!

I added more to my plate, instead of taking things off. 

The result?

I’d be driving to work, and as I’d begin thinking about what may happen that day, my chest would tighten, my eyes would become hypervigilant, and my heart would beat so fast I could feel it pounding through my chest. I’d started having panic attacks.

As I denied that what I was experiencing were anxiety attacks, I’d noticed something else happening. I’d wash my hair in the shower, and large amounts of hair would fall out of my head and into the palm of my hand. I had begun losing hair.

I tried to chalk it up to it “just being how my hair is”, but the more I ignored these red flags, the worse it got.

I’d begun feeling fatigued more and more often. As I walked from one place to another, I’d feel off-kilter. My head felt foggy and it was hard to think straight. I was tired more often, and had less energy on a daily basis.

It must be a medical issue, I convinced myself.

From doctor to specialist I went. Test after test, copay after co-pay; they could find nothing wrong with me. 

Intervention definitely costs more than prevention.

“Are you stressed?” some of the doctors asked. “No.” I’d answer. 

Sometimes I’d describe what my responsibilities were, and explain that I do them all really well- everything there was going fine. I was able to keep it together for work and for my kids. I was responsible in meeting all deadlines, excelling in everything I produced and in getting all bills paid. I wasn't stressed. I could handle it all. Surely if I was too stressed, I would not be functioning so well in life… right? 

They’d just look at my wide-eyed.

As my anxiety grew, I began to realize that I really was stressed. My physical issues were exacerbated by the stress-levels and the medical issues were mostly a product of me not taking anytime to care for myself. I was on “go-mode” all of the time.

I decided I could not stay at that toxic workplace any longer, so I left and found new employment. I’d love to tell you that everything changed because I changed jobs, but it does not work that way. Was I more clear on my need for boundaries between work and home- yes. But that was not enough. You see, I was so used to going so fast and managing so much all of the time, that I wasn’t entirely sure how to stop (or even if I could).

It turned out this new place of employment did not support work-life balance either. This is a common experience for many healthcare and service-based professionals. After 4 months, I decided that I would not tolerate staying in a workplace that did not support work-life balance and the wellness of their employees. It was easy for me to make this decision this time, but it still did not dawn on me that I was not going to find the balance I was looking for by looking outside of myself.

Even after switching to another place of employment, I ebbed and flowed in and out of burn out for a few years. No one knew, of course. I stayed in leadership positions, outwardly looked put together and confident. I took on more work, and “fought the good fight” when it was needed. 

It wasn't until I’d experienced multiple miscarriages that I realized I could no longer go on like this. 

Something had to change, and it wasn’t just about a job, position or pay.

It was not just my employment choices that needed to change, but it was me. I needed to change. I needed to start prioritizing myself, my health and my own needs, if I wanted to become that better version of myself that I knew I was and could be. 

I had to consciously make the decision to invest my own time, effort, energy and resources into my own self-care, self-development, and overall wellness, in order to move out of burn out for good.

I had to choose me, in order to feel less stressed and enjoy my life more. My body and my medical health would only change if I decided that my health and wellness really mattered.

Unfortunately, my story is not uncommon. 

I speak to highly successful professionals all of the time, who are secretly stressed and various aspects of their health are impacted. They convince themselves that investing in their own wellness is a luxury they have no time for, it’s selfish, or is a waste of money that won’t pay off. Some focus on physical wellness or diet changes, thinking that this will fix everything- but it won’t. It’s part of the puzzle but it’s not enough. 

All of the above are justifications I once told myself too, but they are not true. 

Investing in your own self development, beyond just the physical (or that which can be outwardly seen and measured), allows you to be a better you. Getting crystal clear that your mental and emotional wellness is an investment that pays back dividends, in all aspects of your life, can, indeed, utterly change your life, your health and how you feel in your own body. 

A decision like this has to be a conscious choice, but when it’s made, it enhances your quality of life and therefore allows you to give, lead, love, help and enjoy even more than before!

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More About the Author:

Dr. Toni is a licensed psychotherapist in the state of PA, mom of 3, former behavior specialist, and Life Advisor for the Busy & Ambitious. For more than a decade, she has been a parenting professional, working and studying in the fields of human behavior, psychology and sexuality.

Having navigated her own mental health issues and relationship challenges, she knows what it’s like to wrestle with the relentless need to achieve and overly active mind clutter. She didn’t just learn how to both prevent and exit burnout through her professional work and academic studies- she personally traversed the turmoil of burnout herself. She’s experienced the process of stepping out of burnout without compromising herself, her success, her health or her relationships.

Dr. Toni leverages her knowledge and experience gained both personally and professionally, and combines it with the most current research and brain science. This combination allows her to combine both practical steps and tools with the power of the mind, providing unprecedented support to her coaching clients. 

Dr. Toni earned her Masters degree in Clinical Social Work, her Masters degree in Education and her Doctorate of Philosophy in Human Sexuality at Widener University. She’s completed numerous certification programs, earning a robust amount of experience in areas such as coaching, trauma, mindfulness and various elements of human behavior and psychology. 

Dr. Toni is the founder of Dr. Toni Coaches, LLC, a coaching, educating and consulting business. It’s mission is to inspire and enact meaningful change in the world by helping impact makers create work, life & relationship balance, allowing them to more deeply and meaningfully live, love, connect and share their gifts, enhancing their lives and the lives of others.  

Dr. Toni is also the founder of Authentically Me Psychotherapy, LLC, where she supports high achieving and creative individuals who are struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, burn out and/or disconnection, to get in touch with their core selves so they can live more fully and authentically aligned lives.

Over the years, she’s guided countless people along their life journey, through life transitions, chronic stress, post-trauma, leadership and relationships challenges and more. She’s helped them to create a foundation for a less stressful, more fulfilling life that they enjoy living in. When she’s not supporting clients, she’s laughing with her children, taking nature walks, or enjoying some good old music, dancing or baking (okay, maybe a piece of chocolate and espresso, too). 

***Disclaimer: This content does not serve as medical advice or treatment. Talk with your doctor if there are potential conditions or concerns that may be impacted by anything you choose to engage in through from this video. Please note that coaching and therapy are not the same; they are separate services and the above mentioned are separate business entities. If you are unsure which service best fits your needs, simply reach out and ask: [email protected] or [email protected]

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