On Intrusive Thoughts

A hallmark of PASC or long-COVID is autonomic dysfunction and more and more the research is showing strong mood alterations.

Part of disability is having one’s health deteriorate individually. That is a very traumatizing experience because everyone can want to help you, but no one can actually change your health.

You feel isolated. You feel anxious. You know that you are not overreacting eventhough others may inadvertently make you feel that way to assuage your pain (not realizing that they are actually gaslighting and dismissing you by doing that).

The reality is you don’t know disability until it hits you, and when it’s coming from a novel disease with unknown future sequelae you can’t help but be scared shitless.

While my experiences may not pertain to everyone (for example most of my blood relatives live in Syria, Turkey, or Germany not the US), I think many of those that are disabled or going through health issues constantly fear the outcome for them if they ever lose their caregiver.

It’s a scary world. COVID is terrifying. Long-COVID arguably more so.

I have no “goal” in sharing this. I know I haven’t posted in a while but this is a brief part of the many intrusive thoughts I experience. I’m an enneagram 7 and can live in my head sometimes, but this is not that. I know quite a few people that had similar thoughts during their acute infection, so if this resonates with you, you aren’t crazy or being cynical, it’s all part of the disease and part of “living” with health decline.