Introverts and Visibility

It's official - I'm a woman of a certain age. And I identify as an introvert. But the good news is (and hang on to this thought) I neither feel invisible nor am treated as such.

Far from it in fact. I'm probably more visible than I have ever been, and that's important.

Many introverts that I work with tell me they feel invisible though. They report

• being talked over in meetings, formal and informal
• having their ideas ignored but when someone else suggests the same thing, it's lauded
• not being included in projects or get-togethers.

But, here's the paradox. Most introverts also tell me they shun the limelight as they don't want to be at the centre of things.

I suspect introverts like me want to be visible on our own terms.?And that can be confusing for people.?We want you to invite us but we possibly won’t come. We’re miffed that we weren’t included in the conversation but didn’t attempt to put our voice in the room and don't like repeating what's already been said. And, there are times when the lack of conviction and pace in my voice made it easy for others to lose interest, and that's if they were captivated in the first place.

For any introvert with ambition, a mission to fulfil, or a legacy to leave, visibility clearly plays a part in our process of flourishing.??

Let’s start with what I mean by visibility.?

For me, it’s how I’m seen by others, and how I see myself.?I guess that’s kinda obvious, but I’m surprised at just how often people forget about the latter. ??

There are loads of articles about how to be more visible, which unsurprisingly recommend self-promotion.?Things like speak up in meetings, push yourself forward, get known by the bosses.?Typically, suggesting we adopt more extraverted behaviours.?And yes, we can all choose how we behave, even if that's in a more extraverted way, but at what cost??

So self-promotion for its own sake, tends to be the first stumbling block for introverts, me included.?

I still remember at the start of a business mastermind being asked to create my BFD statement.?In short, why I was a ‘Big, effin Deal’. I nearly left the room at that point and if I hadn’t been in Paris at the time, would probably have high-tailed it home.?I turned to the person next to me, who is still both a mentor and a great friend to this day and said “I don’t belong here.”

You see, I’ve never wanted to be a BFD.?I persevered and listened to other people’s BFDs and they sounded soooo impressive. It wasn’t until much later that I found out just how many were smoke & mirrors; spin, fake, bs.?Thank goodness that bubble burst.?I'm now much more discerning.

Now, whilst I have no desire to be a BFD, I do aspire to be a thought leader, a positive influencer who leaves a legacy that makes a real difference.?The business strategist Peter Strople defines my kind of legacy best when he says, “Legacy is not leaving something for people. It’s leaving something in people.”?

The legacy I intend to leave in people is that deep knowing that they are enough as they are, and they don't need to pretend to be something they're not to get on & fit in. Because the other part of my legacy is leaving people in no doubt that inclusion through psychological safety is the only way forward.

And, I've come to accept that my work is unlikely to have the impact needed to leave those legacy pieces if I deploy a cloaking device and choose to fly invisibly under the radar. ?

So how do I increase my visibility authentically? Here are a few things that work for me.?Try them on for size by all means, but more importantly, define your own.

1. I only ‘put out there’ what is absolutely true for me.?That took some doing because I had to go through a process of finding that.?I’d spend years delivering stuff that was other people’s work and already in the public domain.?This is now my opportunity to share what matters to me.?What I really believe in.?What I believe will help others on their flourishing journey. Like my TEDx talk. This means constantly researching, refining and finding ways to add value because it comes with responsibilities.?I won’t compromise my values just to please someone else or get air-time.?So, hooray, I’m a recovering people pleaser who has made a lot of progress. This enables me to ‘see’ myself in a more favourable light. It enables others to see what I really stand for.?

2. I don’t let not being perfect stop me anymore.?I am human with my frailties, flaws and vulnerabilities.?I can’t tell you how long it took me to do a Facebook Live in my Introvert’s Corner Facebook group. Why? Because I wasn’t the polished, word-prefect, glossy image of perfection that I saw all around me and therefore thought was necessary.?But now, I can confidently say, if that’s what you’re looking for, I’m not the thought leader for you.?We all have choice, so feel free to exercise that choice. When I go live, I allow people to see me as who I really am, warts ‘n all.?It also enables me to see the real, authentic me, in all of my unapologetic introvertedness and finally be OK with that.?

3. I consider where and how I want to be seen so that it aligns with my values and vision for Flourishing Introverts. This means seeking out opportunities that will reach introverts who want to or need to hear my messages.?And that often requires me to expand my comfort zone so I'm forever straddling that competency zone and my learning edge.?And yes, I often hear from my inner critic, Gladys, about what’s too risky, or what I’m not good enough to do, but with Goldie, my Inner advocate on the case, I’m well supported to stretch myself.?For instance, I'm soon appearing on the Quiet Rebellion Global Conference, hosted by Casey Lightbody. I'll be on a live panel and also speaking on Why Introverts Make Great Leaders. Accepting these opportunities expands my comfort zone and my horizons so that I am seen by those I want to see me.?And I see (and applaud actually) my own courage in stepping up to the plate.

4. I spend time determining how I want to be perceived, because my visibility is part of my personal brand. We all have a brand, it’s what people say about us when we’re not in the room.?I can't afford to have people say "Jo who?" as that won't shift the bias and free introverts from their chains of compliance. As a business owner with a mission, it’s my responsibility to manage that brand.?To find my network of like-minded people to be with and to serve.?But this is not a static, once-and-done kind of thing.?It needs reviewing and updating, like a system update every now and again to ensure that I’m still relevant. I remember doing a personal branding exercise many years ago, where I came out as the Mystique archetype.?I connected with that so well as it described my traits as a listener who thinks before speaking, a logical, independent observer and a problem solver.?Now I’m always careful to ensure that I don’t allow profiles like this to define me, but when they get me, they get me! Being my brand is important for my credibility both in my own eyes and in the eyes of others.?And any updates will make the necessary beneficial changes, but not alter the underlying system that is me.

5. Finally, I make sure I manage my energy around my visibility.?It’s ok not to be out there and visible all of the time.?It takes fully charged mental batteries for me to be ‘on show’ either in person, on video or in print actually. So I plan and make decisions ahead of time regarding my visibility intentions.?What’s important right now? Is it time to go underground for a bit??This is where social media and I don’t always see eye-to-eye.?The algorithms mean you have to be posting constantly for your contributions to stand a chance of being seen.?The strategists will tell you how often, what duration, what format etc.?When I tried that, it felt too gamey.?I realised that I don’t want to be seen for the sake of being seen.?I don’t want to simply add to the noise.?I’m choosing not to join the race to …. Hhmm and it's the race to where precisely? I’ll be the tortoise and stick to my authentic, calm path.?And if that means I’m not seen as much as I might be, then that’s a price I’m prepared to pay. It might be foolhardy, but I’m trusting that those who need to find me, will find me.?What’s that old saying? “What’s meant for you won’t go by you”.?That’ll do for me.?I hope that this enables people to see me as purposeful, intentional, and considerate, rather than everywhere all of the time. I also know it means I see myself as someone I can live with.?

These are 5 of the most important things I’m doing to be appropriately visible.??

Not compromising my values, letting go of perfectionism, deciding how and where I want to be seen, aligning my visibility with my personal brand, and managing my energy.

Now, back to that first thought. I firmly believe that part of the reason I'm not invisible is that I choose not to feel invisible and don't hide inside my introversion. That's something I help my mid-career introverted clients emerge from. We still need to be selective, but balanced with our purpose. As Marianne Williamson said "Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you".

Here’s to your visibility on your flourishing journey