Introverts Don't Get as Much Out of Uplifting Experiences. These Might Be the Reasons Why
Wanda Thibodeaux
Author | Mental Health Advocate | Faith-Work Aligner; Host, Faithful on the Clock podcast (faithfulontheclock.captivate.fm)
If you were a fly on the wall in my living room where my desk is (and where I spend the majority of my time), you'd see me occasionally lose it -- because I'm a freelancer, if something goes wrong or doesn't work, the only one available to fix it or figure things out is me.
Those blowups are infrequent. Most days, the biggest event would be me reaching over to drink tea from my extra-large unicorn cup. But like any freelancer or solopreneur leading themselves through their career or initial business development, I have hassles I have to deal with. Disappointments do hit, and often.
Could my introverted behavior tendencies only be making things worse, making it less likely that I'll experience everyday joy and pleasure as I work?
For "introverts," uplifts can be fewer and not as great
I use the phrase "introverted behavior tendencies" on purpose, as I've come to understand that what we perceive as "true," "real, or "core" personality can actually be difficult to discern. For that reason, looking strictly at behaviors might be more appropriate than applying a specific label, and I'll use "introvert" in quotes for the rest of this newsletter.
But lets assume that you or someone you know at least is exhibiting the habits or characteristics typically associated with introversion. A new study from Pennsylvania State University’s Natasha DeMeo asked people to report in real time about their frequency and intensity of hassles and uplifts (i.e., positive experiences they could feel good about). The research team reported that
There was no relationship between hassle frequency and intensity and introversion. For uplifts, people high in introversion reported fewer of these per day than those with average introversion scores (15.4 vs. 18.6). They also rated the uplifts as less uplifting (76.2 vs. 79.1) than those with average levels of introversion.
So, those who behave with introverted tendencies don't have as many uplifts as those who don't exhibit those tendencies, and even when they do experience something uplifting, it doesn't give them as much of an emotional boost.
More interaction MIGHT help, but...
DeMeo and her team theorize that the lower frequency of uplifting experiences can be accounted for at least in part by the fact that people who behave with introversion aren't putting themselves out there as much socially. They simply don't create the opportunities for others to cheer them up.
You can probably guess what DeMeo suggests -- those who show introverted traits might be happier if they made the effort to interact a little more.
People have shouted the just-go-interact-more -- that is, "act less introverted" -- mantra at "introverts" for years. And although it's logical to assume that increasing the quantity of uplifts might also increase the quantity of joy someone has, there's a reason "introverts" typically feel drained after interaction. It's hard to assess how much the effort and stress involved in the interactions might dampen the good feelings the uplifting experiences might generate.
That "introverts" experience interaction differently might account for some of why they report that their uplifting experiences are less uplifting. But if the uplifting experiences that happen in isolation also don't give as much benefit, you have to account for that, too.
Some of the issue might be that the lack of interaction decreases the feedback necessary for the "introvert" to know exactly how celebratory or joyful to be -- i.e., they're not getting mirrors with which they can coregulate. The "introvert" might interpret the experience as being more flat as a result.
But another element not to be overlooked is the learning process. The more an introvert experiences uplifting moments or events as flat, the more they're likely conditioned to believe flat is normal. If they don't understand that those moments can deliver more, they won't protest or change things when those moments are lackluster. Those who have become introverted as a matter of conditioning (e.g., because of trauma) also might be unable to get as much out of uplifts because allowing themselves to feel happy feels scary and abnormal -- they subconsciously are shielding themselves from the anticipated pain of eventually having the other shoe drop.
So, the big questions are
Joy might not be just in our own hands, after all
All of us need uplifting experiences in our lives, regardless of the socialization patterns we might happen to have. But DeMeo's research is intriguing for the considerations it raises about what's individually and universally necessary to perceive an experience as uplifting, as well as how we can be intentional in delivering that to each other in a compassionate, consistent way. As technology makes it increasingly easy for individuals to work in more isolated ways, the implications for morale and subsequent productivity impacts shouldn't be brushed under the rug.
Some people require surprisingly little interaction with others to thrive -- creatives like John James Audubon and Henry David Thoreau long have championed the value of solitude, both for its capacity to build self-understanding and its ironic power to make us able to return to the crowd. But if interaction is at least one essential component of finding joy in what we experience, as DeMeo argues, and if other research showing socialization improves wellbeing is accurate, it might be time to leave behind the notion so prevalent in America that good mental health and satisfaction in life is entirely the product of gritty, independent effort and self-care. And if that is the case, we also must raise the bar for the accountability and watchfulness we offer to each other.
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