The Introvert Journey from Fear of Missing Out to Joy of Missing Out

Being fearful of missing out (FOMO), yet knowing that you would rather have solitude than spend time with people, can be unsettling for introverts.

This pushes introverts to act in more extroverted ways, which doesn’t feel natural and can lead to stress and ill health.

The Internet is awash with people having fun day after day, hanging out with people in the “IT Club”. This is supposed to be showing that they are successful and rising, or busy creating their net worth from their network.

You hear “teamwork makes the dream work” and get that sinking feeling that says “I am unpopular because I like working on my own most times”.

When you want to disconnect to recharge your introvert batteries, you are scared that you are missing out on things, in the end not switching off properly means you don’t get to recharge enough and keep running on half full or half empty.

It is even more challenging if you are both an Introvert and a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). The impact of socialising doubles and you need more time to recharge.

Some of the negative emotions you experience with FOMO are feeling:

• Jealous or inadequate and pressured to compete,
• Far behind and wanting to catch up
• Like you are missing the chance of a lifetime (lots of marketing tactics use this)
• Low self-esteem for not being in the IT or popular club
• Less confident because you put yourself in uncomfortable places just to belong

Susan Cain states it well when she says:

“Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we've turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform”

Rather than feel oppressed, how can introverts turn things around and experience the calm and ease they need to thrive?

Well! It is down to finding the Joy of Missing Out (JOMO). Let’s explore JOMO and find some peace, shall we?

Joy comes from self-acceptance

Many introverts mention that since childhood they have been wishing they could be someone else, just to feel that sense of belonging. Belonging is about fitting in, which can have great benefits. But also a great loss, if it means losing yourself in the process.

Dr Suess says “Why try to fit in, when you were born to stand out”

Have you considered that no two facial expressions are the same? If you look closely even with identical twins you will find some differences, even though not as pronounced. Therefore fitting in is not always easy to do.

The solution is to know yourself, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Accept yourself as an introvert and HSP.

Be willing to see the perspective of others while respecting yours and the needs that come with being who you are.

The question to ask yourself when seeking to engage with people is,

“Is this in alignment with who I am, and my values”?

If your answer is Yes!, joy awaits, release yourself to engage. If your answer is No!, run a mile.

Of course, you have to do the work to know your core values and why they matter.

Otherwise, you will keep floating in the middle of people feeling unsettled. When you go against your core, you come across as inauthentic, making deep connections difficult.

Joy comes from saying No! with confidence and being clear about why!

The more assured you are about what makes you different and why that difference matters, the more likely you are to say No! to things with confidence. You know what fits and what doesn’t.

This requires work on gaining clarity on your goals, defining them, and having the courage to stick with the actions that help you achieve them.

Life is also a series of opportunity costs.

The New Oxford American Dictionary defines opportunity cost as "the loss of potential gain from other alternatives when one alternative is chosen". As a representation of the relationship between scarcity and choice, the objective of opportunity cost is to ensure efficient use of scarce resources (Wikipedia)

The scarce resources in this case are money, time, and energy. For Introverts and HSPs, energy can rank very highly amongst the rest.

Energy is physical and emotional, two things that mean that introverts and HSP can be at a disadvantage if they try to operate in the same way that extroverts do.

With this in mind, it is important to consider opportunity cost in your decision-making, you can say No! to misaligned choices with great confidence.

You then have JOMO as you go about achieving your goals.

Joy in Business

Joy in business comes from consistency and results. Consistency is doing things steadily to gain mastery. What happens with FOMO in business is that you abandon your path and go after a different path that seems more fun, easier, quicker, and more rewarding. This is used in marketing a lot and many of us have fallen victim to it.

Sticking with a niche, building a lasting brand, and working towards steady income and profit, takes time.

The time it takes depends on many factors that you need to figure out. But, there are so many promises out there of how to avoid all the pain and go straight to the gain.

"There is no shortcut to anywhere worth going”. Beverly Sills

Many of us have no patience for the infinite game, experiencing FOMO is being in a mindset of scarcity and playing the finite game

As Simon Sinek nicely put it:

“There are no winners and losers in the infinite game. The goal is to advance a cause. That’s why it’s so important to have and chase our dreams, not the competition”

Joy is a fruit of the spirit

This is where I bring in the spiritual side of things. By differentiating between happiness and Joy. It is important to have a holistic view of life. We are Body, Mind, and Spirit.

Happiness is typically a more fleeting emotion, often sparked by a particular moment or event that brings a sense of excitement or exhilaration. Joy, on the other hand, is a more long-lasting state of being, characterised by contentment and satisfaction with life overall. (Embark Behaviourial Health)

When experiencing FOMO it’s about the instant gratification from an event or activity that you are too afraid to miss out on and jump in without too much thought. Joy on the other hand is cultivated gradually and steadily.

According to Compassion International

• Joy is an inner feeling. Happiness is an outward expression.
• Joy endures hardship and trials and connects with meaning and purpose.
• A person pursues happiness but chooses joy.

Who doesn’t want lasting feelings and being in a state of steady joy in life? However, in times when things get dangled in front of you or you feel pressure to conform, it’s very easy to want to get rid of the fear by just jumping in for some happiness.

It is important to recognise the impact of FOMO (constant distractions, stolen focus, losing sight of one’s self and what matters most) and choose to find the courage to work towards steady JOMO (steady focus, goal achievement, and lasting fulfillment without losing your sense of identity and purpose).

The bottom line is to keep creating and living a life you don’t want to escape.

Whether you are introverted or extroverted that is what will bring daily joy into your life

It takes being different, it takes work, but it is worth it.

Take my Navigate Overwhelm Like A Pro Quiz HERE

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