Introvert is Not an Affliction

We're constantly characterizing ourselves and others with #introvert or #extrovert, and what's typically implied is "this person loves to talk and this person is quiet." Or "that person is the life of the party, and that person would rather stay home."

But in reality, the "-vert" distinction is nothing more than the manner in which each person fuels and burns their energy.

In general, extroverts exit social interactions with more energy than they had entering, while introverts exit social interactions with less energy than they had entering.

It’s that simple.

As a self-described extrovert who's dragged his self-described introverted wife to many events over the years, I can attest to the post-event vibes in the car. I'm always bopping around still laughing about some joke I thought was hilarious while my wife sports a tired 1,000 yard stare out the window and drops the occasional "Babe I love you, but can you not talk so loud?"

So why do we conflate an introvert's energy depletion with a hatred for networking or (ugh I hate this phrase) a "lack of confidence" in new social settings?

My guess is that it's the same reason I "hate" note-taking, studying, organizing, reading protocols, and drafting guidelines. We tend not to enjoy activities that deplete our energy, while gravitating towards activities that energize us.

Introverts spend massive amounts of energy in a sustained social setting, thus making "not enjoying networking" the net result. Same principal applies to me (an extrovert) who's been tasked with writing a project workplan from scratch. Both net results of unenjoyment are completely acceptable and understandable; however, to be successful we cannot avoid these energy-draining activities altogether.

So what's the secret? Here's a workplan I actually enjoy writing...

Acceptance

We must accept the fact that avoiding an activity that we need to do is often a function of energy. No one likes to admit they aren't good at something. It's embarrassing how many email drafts I have in my Outlook folder because I got to the part where I had to do a bunch of research and was like, "Meh I'll come back to that later". It's embarrassing to admit, but it's because I don't have the energy right now to do that research.

Same for introverts - you might have 3 outstanding invitations that you haven't RSVP'd to yet because the thought of committing to a sustained social setting is unnerving. Accepting that you're avoiding tasks that deplete your energy is the first key.

Characterize

I'm writing this article dividing the entire population of social humans into 2 groups, which is obviously ridiculous. We are all unique and derive #energy from different activities. We also grow, mature, and change as we propel ourselves through this crazy life. Thus, we will all have different energy fueling and energy burning activities in our lives.

Listen to your body and characterize what activities seem to burn or fuel your energy. Jot them down and use them as reference for your next step. Or if you're an extroverted airhead like me that never jots anything down, tell your introverted wife who will then write them down for you because she knows you'll forget immediately. ?? you Kristin Erika Hand, MSN, RN, OCN, CBCN !!!

Balance

I had a great networking lunch yesterday. Met a couple great people. We talked shop, learned about each others lives, families, careers, goals, etc. As an extrovert, I left that lunch feeling far more energized than I did walking in. DO NOT waste that energy. Having accepted that I have tasks I avoid because they drain my energy, I know that I can't waste the "energy high" I get from social interaction.

As soon as I got back to my computer yesterday, I opened my draft folder and started doing the research that's been hindering the completion of those emails. I did 2 trainings I've been procrastinating, finished my expense report, and went nuts on those "red flagged" emails that I love to red flag throughout the day.

For the introvert, the converse applies. If you have a networking function tonight, a work lunch on Monday, or an industry conference... fuel up before!

Reference those activities you wrote down in step 2. Does a workout bring you peace and energy? Rock that 90's hip hop Peloton ride before the event.

Journaling? Creative writing? Meditation? Calling mom? Planning your next vacation? Whatever it is, save those activities for shortly before the social event and then again as soon after the event as possible. Fuel that energy that you will so greatly need once the handshakes commence and people you've never met before ask you questions about your life.

Give it a shot, and change the stigma around introverts today! I hope that in some way reading this article fueled your energy wherever you are on the intro/extrovert spectrum.

About the Author

Sean is the author of?That Was Awkward: 7 Secrets of an Awkward Networker?and the founder of?Awkward Networker, a professional development website focused on encouraging and mentoring networkers by providing his tips and techniques to avoid the natural awkwardness of networking. Sean created Awkward Networker as a platform to teach others the fast track to networking and professional success.