An introduction to our personal drivers

This article is based on systemic transactional analysis (Eric Berne).

In life, we are often driven to do things and communicate in a certain way. Often, these drivers influence our style and decision-making processes but also judgements around our own and others work and behaviours unconsciously. This can have a strong impact on how we perceive ourselves and others, affecting our relationships, to colleagues, families and friends but for most, our relationship to ourselves.

Drivers are important in life, they help us to get things done and survive, depending on the situation we are in. However, drivers get also often traded unnoticeably over generations. Drivers that helped our grandparents and parents to manage their lives might not be relevant for our current situation, but we still feel that we are only “ok” if we keep up to those (referring to life positions, which I will speak about in another article).

I would therefore like to raise awareness around them. If you like, feel free to take a moment and reflect which ones you might have, which you appreciate and have helped you in your life, but which also might sometimes drive you to your limit, with a potential impact your mental health and wellbeing. There is no good or bad, right or wrong. It is simply making us more conscious around it and if we like, take action to change.

Every one of us is likely to have all drivers, but some will show drive us more than others. Often, we only feel okay with us and others if we fulfil them. According to Kahler and Co., the 5 drivers are:

• Be strong (don’t show emotions, do not cry)
• Please (make yourself likeable and please others)
• Be perfect (always give 100%, don’t make mistakes)
• Hurry up (do everything at the same time and speed up)
• Try hard (give your best and nothing good is achieved in an easy way)

I will elaborate on each of them more in further articles and share some insights on how these show in our behaviours and actions and what we can do to reduce them. All in all, it is about recognising and appreciating them but also reducing them, if we want, to protect ourselves from them. It is about showing vulnerability and allowing space for ourselves. And it is about feeling okay with ourselves, without being driven unconsciously by them.