Introduction to the child and young person’s ‘voice’

“Give children a choice and a voice in matters that affect their lives.” – Haim Ginott

-‘Child Inclusive’ and ‘Child Centred’ mediation- -Meeting your children’s needs when you separate-

Statute

“Children have the right to be heard in decisions about them”-?Article 12 UN Rights of the Child

‘It cannot be right that parents can mediate an agreement affecting their child or children . . .?in the absence of the children’s voices being heard’-?Simon Hughes, Voice of the Child Conference 2014

‘Adults must work together to make sure all children can enjoy their rights’- UN Convention on the Rights of the child– This came into force in the UK in 1992

Meaning

‘Child inclusive‘

Child inclusive?mediation involves giving children and young people (of an appropriate age) an opportunity to be able to express their wishes and feelings (‘a voice’) (without pressure or influence) to an independent child expert (Direct Child Consultant) when their parents separate, using the mediation session to make important decisions about them.

It is recognised that this can help the child and young person to feel that their wishes and feels have been listened to and respected and, at the their request, help to assist parents and carers to receive, understand and take account of the child’s messages regarding decisions and arrangements for the child to be made by the parents– Family Mediation Council: Standards Framework

‘Child centred‘

Child centred?mediation and approach focuses on the broader question about how each child’s full range of educational, physical, psychological and emotional needs can be kept central to the discussion making process and met by their parents and other adults responsible for them. This includes the need for children and young people to feel that their wishes and feelings have been listened to and respected in respect of adult discussions involving them.

Whether we are referring to a child centred or the more specific child inclusive process and approach, they both have in common the requirement to meet?the full spectrum of needs, specific to each set of circumstances and unique to each individual child,?recognising that the words‘ in a child’s best interests’ can mean different things to different people, including each parent.?

Have a look at?chapter 12, section 4, the children’s questionnaire,?helping you to focus on the specific needs of your child.

Far too often, when parents separate, children?feel caught in the middle of the conflict, left alone with their own thoughts, worries and fears which can cause long lasting damage, if not properly supported.

Sometimes children can feel they are unable to tell their parents how they feel, or might tell each parent something subtly different, according to what they feel a parent might want to hear because they wish to protect the parent from feeling hurt (especially where they are experiencing their parents in conflict with each other).

Chapter 13 the Manual provides a little insight into the impact parental separation can be having on your children?especially where the two people they most love and often most identify themselves with are ‘locked in conflict’.

The good news is that this does not have to be the case or, at least, this can be minimised.

The not so good news is that with everything else that is likely to be going on for each parent when they separate, they must attend to their children’s physical, emotional and psychological ‘needs’, whilst having to attend to their own needs (so that they are able to attend to their children’s needs)?

This can be an extremely tough ask for so many reasons, which is why the right information and support, delivered at the right time for parents and their children?early on?becomes so important and why, where it is suitable, parents try mediation early on and before they end up in court.

This process begins with forming the?right support circle?of professionals and resources around the parents and children, early in the separation process which the mediator can discuss with each parent during their?MIAM?and with both parents together in mediation.

In this chapter we focus on the ‘expert professional support and resources’ you and your children may require, to meet their ‘needs’ when you, their parents separate and the many different forms these ‘needs’ and the ‘right support’ can take.

Let’s now move on to?section 2 and consider 5 key principles?around which to build the right ‘support package’ (experts and resources) to meet your children’s needs.

https://divorcemanual.co.uk/chapters/chapter-14-the-voice-of-the-child/section-1-introduction/