Intrapersonal Communication

• Intrapersonal communication?is the process by which an individual communicates within themselves, acting as both sender and receiver of messages, and encompasses the use of unspoken words to consciously engage in self-talk and inner speech
• Not to be confused with?interpersonal communication, which is between two or more people, intrapersonal communication is communication with oneself. Think of it as the voice inside your head.?
• Experts have found that positive intrapersonal communication helps us feel better physically and mentally, which can contribute to better performance at work.
• Like any other skill, we can take intentional steps to improve our intrapersonal communication, which helps us become our best selves and better teammates.?
• Although intrapersonal communication mostly occurs internally, it can be voiced out loud (e.g., talking to yourself, rehearsing, audibly recalling a piece of information) or via the written word (e.g., journaling, note-taking, or writing in a diary)

If you’re interested in reaping the benefits of better intrapersonal communication – especially at work – these exercises can help you assess your current skills and?improve them for the future.

1. Self-witnessing

Replay in your mind a recent stressful situation at work when you used positive self-talk, such as hyping yourself up before a big presentation. Then, think of a different time when your inner voice was more self-conscious or negative, like saying to yourself, “That was such a careless mistake. You really should have known better.”

As you’re “witnessing” these scenarios, here are a few questions to think about:

• Did the self-talk happen automatically, or was it purposeful?
• How did you feel when those thoughts came to mind??
• What was the result of talking to yourself? Did the situation turn out positively or negatively?
• If it didn’t go well, what could you have done differently for a better outcome?

Reflecting on how self-talk has impacted our work in the past can help us be more aware when negative thoughts come up in the future and shift to the positive for better results.

2. Front-page headline

So, close your eyes, and imagine an article is published about you in the future – perhaps one, five, or ten years from now. It highlights your accomplishments and the legacy you’re leaving for your team.?What would the headline be??

Achieving this vision will likely require taking several steps and honing your skills. It’s common to focus on more tangible skills, like technical capabilities or leadership, but how might strengthening your intrapersonal communication help move you closer to your goals? Taking control of your inner voice could help overcome what’s been holding you back and give you the confidence needed to eventually get that front-page headline.

3. The triple-column technique

Once again, think of a recent work situation that caused you stress or sadness. (Seeing a trend here?) Then, make three columns on a sheet of paper or in a spreadsheet. In the first column, you’ll write down the “automatic thoughts” that came to mind in that situation – one statement per line or cell. Some of these will likely be negative thoughts, and that’s okay.?

In the second column, you’ll write down the cognitive distortion in each of those statements

The main cognitive distortions are as follows (and some of them overlap):

• Black-and-white (or all-or-nothing) thinking:?I never have anything interesting to say.
• Jumping to conclusions (or mind-reading):?The doctor is going to tell me I have cancer.
• Personalization:?Our team lost because of me.
• Should-ing and must-ing (using language that is self-critical that puts a lot of pressure on you):?I should be losing weight.
• Mental filter (focusing on the negative, such as the one aspect of a health change which you didn’t do well):?I am terrible at getting enough sleep.
• Overgeneralization:?I’ll never find a partner.
• Magnification and minimization (magnifying the negative, minimizing the positive):?It was just one healthy meal.
• Fortune-telling:?My cholesterol is going to be sky-high.
• Comparison (comparing just one part of your performance or situation to another’s, which you don’t really know so that it makes you appear in a negative light):?All of my coworkers are happier than me.
• Catastrophizing (combination of fortune-telling and all-or-nothing thinking; blowing things out of proportion):?This spot on my skin is probably skin cancer; I’ll be dead soon.
• Labelling:?I’m just not a healthy person.
• Disqualifying the positive:?I answered that well, but it was a lucky guess.

Emotional reasoning and not considering the facts

Finally, many of us engage in emotional reasoning, a process in which our negative feelings about ourselves inform our thoughts?as if they were factually based,?in the absence of any facts to support these unpleasant feelings. In other words, your emotions and feelings about a situation become your actual view of the situation, regardless of any information to the contrary. Emotional reasoning often employs many of the other cognitive filters to sustain it, such as catastrophizing and disqualifying the positive. Examples of this may be thinking:

• I’m a whale,?even if you are losing weight
• I’m an awful student,?even if you are getting some good grades
• My partner is cheating on me,?even if there is no evidence for this (jealousy is defining your reality)
• Nobody likes me,?even if you have friends (loneliness informs your thinking).

Here’s to being kind to ourselves today and becoming our best selves in the future?

Many forms of psychology, coaching, and inspirational words of wisdom reinforce a similar concept: We are not responsible for our first thought, but we are responsible for our second thought, and our first actions.?

• It’s not easy to identify our biases or change the way we think. But by treating this challenge like any other important project and taking small steps over time, you can hone your intrapersonal communication skills, improve the way you think and feel, and walk into every situation knowing that?you got this.

Lemme know your thoughts in the comments below, happy learning :)