An 'Interview' with the Premier

As a leadership mentor to many Australian and indeed, Victorian businesses, I recently 'interviewed' the Premier of Victoria in the middle of Lockdown 2.0.

E: Thanks for your...

P: Could you please put your mask on?

E: Oh, it's just that you take yours off for press conferences ...and this is a video conference.

P: My advice is that you need to wear a mask at all times.

E: (Puts mask on....muffled)

So, help me understand the government's plans to protect and encourage businesses during Lockdown 2.

P: Well, frankly, my job is to protect the Victorian people. Businesses are not people. They're mostly big office buildings and shops and the like, filled with scum-sucking profiteers. It's not as if they're actual people, I mean , Fair Dinkum.

E: Er, OK, ...so let's understand the policies around what can and can't operate. For example, if I run a mask production company, can I still operate?

P: Of course, it's an essential service. As long as you have social distancing and approved PPE, sure.

E: OK, so if I employ social distancing and PPE, and I'm an IT company, can I send an engineer on site to install new technology?

P: No, you can't.

E: How about an on site audit assessment or a leadership offsite for 10 people?

P: Clearly not.

E: Well, I did pick up my dry cleaning this morning because I want my T Shirts to look pristine on video conferences, picked up a roll next door, a cheeky Pinot Noir from Dan Murphy and dog food from the pet shop, but the shoe shop, homewares store and hairdresser were all closed.

P: Yes, they're not an essential service.

E: Right, I must confess I went outside for some fresh air and silence at 8.05 pm last night (just in the backyard) and wondered if I could go for a drive to Richmond.

P: Well, firstly you can't drive under curfew and secondly I understand that is more than 5 km from your house.

E; Yes, but what if it was to take drugs at a safe injecting room?

P: Well, of course, it's an essential service.

E: So just to be clear, one hour walk max, no on premise business activity, no sport, or visiting my lonely elderly mother in her house, but free fix of Methadone is OK?

P: Yes, as long as you don't try and go for a Macca's run on the way back.

E: Cool, well thanks for clarifying Mr Premier. One final question - you've said repeatedly that you take the advice of the Chief Medical Officer on all these matters.

P: Absolutely, I'm here to protect.

E: So, if he's making all the decisions, who are you?

P: Me? I'm an essential service.

Disclaimer: This interview did not happen.

Elliot Epstein is a leading Pitch Consultant, Keynote Speaker, Corporate Sales, Negotiation and Presentation trainer who gets sales results rapidly. He has coached and trained high profile corporates globally in presenting, selling, negotiating and pitching. He has spoken at over 1500 conferences and workshops for leading ASX 100 and Fortune 500 companies.

He is the author of # 1 International Best Seller ' Confessions of a Pitch Consultant' and Sales Vs Procurement - The Secrets Unveiled at the Negotiation Table and is internationally renowned for ensuring sessions are engaging, interactive and relevant to winning business in competitive markets.

Elliot is based in Melbourne where he lives with his wife and two negotiators.