Interview with Meirion Shaw the Homemover Specialist on the war against loneliness

My name is Sarah Kaye. I'm the founder and CEO of Homeshare Living. We tackle the very big issue of loneliness by matching older people who have a spare room and need some companionship and support, with younger sharers who live in and help out.

We're delighted to be running an interview series around the viability of homesharing as an option for old people as they age and want to stay independent in their own homes. If you’d like to be featured, please connect with me and direct message me on LinkedIn here: https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/sarahkaye1/

Today I'm joined by Meirion Shaw, the Homemover Specialist who helps busy overstretched professionals move house and their parents downsize or move. She helps with the decluttering, preparing for sale, unpacking and renovations. Welcome Meirion, why don't you take 30 seconds to tell everyone what you do.

Meirion Shaw:

Thank you for that. Well, you pretty much summed it up, but we all know that moving house is really stressful and it's time consuming and it's physically and emotionally exhausting, as well. And so what we do for those people who are time poor, or don't have family close by that can help, we literally go in as a surrogate daughter to help manage the whole process.

It might be deciding whether they should move or not, and helping them, being a sounding board for that. Or whether it's actually helping them work out what they can fit into their new homes, and then what to do with all their excess stuff, such as the dining room table and two dinner services, because there's just no room where they're going to. So we help them sell things, move things, donate a lot to charity. And then all the way through to unpacking all their boxes and getting it sorted out, dealing with the change of address and the dreaded broadband and telephone and television. Getting it all set up in their new home.

Sarah Kaye:

Sounds like a very valuable service! I know a lot of people that would need your services. So, to kick off, first question. So what are your thoughts on older people living alone at home?

Meirion Shaw:

Oh, well, people are often terrified of change. And things are absolutely fine for a long time, and then all of a sudden it's too late to do anything about it. We find so many people who have been absolutely fine in their houses for years, and then they may have become a widow or widower. And then two years later, they'll realize that, whereas they used to have lots of friends to do things with, now they've got nobody to do anything with. And it's the coming home, having been out, and closing the front door and not being able to say to someone, "Oh, I've just had the most fantastic walk with a friend!" And, it's just that looking at the long day ahead or the long evening ahead, especially when it's dark, like it is now at four o'clock, and being, and feeling, so alone.

Sarah Kaye:

That's what it's all about. Feeling alone, being alone, not having anyone around, isn't it? So what challenges do you think all parties face? The older people and the children?

Meirion Shaw:

Well, with the children, it’s guilt. A lot of guilt because they can't be there as much as they would like to be. They need to be there more than they might want to be. And then they feel guilty for feeling like that. But, realistically, everybody has very busy lives and they want to get on with their own lives. And it's that ‘sandwich generation’ concept for many when you've got your own children who have got issues and you've got your parents, who need more support than they did before, especially if they're on their own. And I think for older people, for so many years, they’re so stoic and not asking for help, so asking for help is a really difficult thing to do. Also thinking you're the only one going through it.

A classic example is, somebody who we know very well and she's widowed, and at the weekends she doesn't see anybody. She has lots of people to see during the week, but at weekends no-one because she's convinced that everybody is spending time with their families. Whereas actually they're not. They're all just on their own thinking everybody else is spending time with their families.

And so she and some friends set up a Sunday Lunch Club and they’d meet up when they could, at least once a month on a Sunday, as opposed to any other day of the week and somebody would cook a Sunday roast, because that's what they all loved to do for their families, all those years ago.

I think that it is understanding that they're in a very similar situation to everybody else. So, not to feel embarrassed by it, but asking for help. And working out where to get help from, I think, is the most difficult thing.

Sarah Kaye:

And have they managed to continue this on Zoom in some way so that they get together for Sunday lunch?

Meirion Shaw:

Unfortunately, no, it's taken a back seat for the time being. But, yes, the concept is that they meet up actually physically, whether it's outside in a pub garden or whether it's in somebody else's garden, when we could. But, obviously, the rules at the moment mean that it's almost impossible.

Sarah Kaye:

We've all had to be more creative this year, haven't we?

Meirion Shaw:

Yes but I think that that's one of the things about loneliness and being on your own and technology. The amount of time that I've spent with my mother-in-law just getting her emails to work again. Or to get her computer running again so she can get on to Bridge, because she started playing Bridge online during lockdown. And, actually, she almost needs somebody there just for those sorts of things. It's somebody to turn to and go, "How do I do this?" Or, "How do I do that?" And then realizing that actually you need somebody with more experience or a proper person to come in and help.

Sarah Kaye:

Yes, exactly. A bit of practical help goes a very long way. It can be very hard for them to do things that the younger generation just take for granted.

Meirion Shaw:

Absolutely. I was talking to a widower the other day and she was saying that she doesn't have any inclination to cook anymore, because she is just cooking for herself and she's not really bothered about food. So she’s started buying ready meals for one. And she said that was the saddest thing that she'd ever done. And she can't invite people in for meals for the moment, but if she had somebody living in with her, then she would have a purpose, because she'd have somebody to look after again. And it's that feeling of being needed, that is a loss of it. So they don't feel as though they’re needed anymore. They’ve retired from whatever they've been doing in their charity work and in their community, in the village or the church or whatever they're doing, and they feel as though they've lost their value.

Sarah Kaye:

And older people have so much to offer, a lifetime of experience and much to discuss with somebody over a meal.

Meirion Shaw:

Completely. Yes! And often their stories are fascinating, because they've lived through so much. They've got so many stories to tell. And if they have somebody to cook for or prepare and share a meal with, a few times a week, or sometimes every day, that can make such a huge difference to someone's wellbeing.

But also their mental agility and the fact that they have to carry on doing these things. Because it's only when you stop doing things that the aging process really catches up with you.

Sarah Kaye:

So what do you think the future looks like for them?

Meirion Shaw:

Well, I think this home-sharing concept is absolutely brilliant, because I don't know anybody that actually genuinely wants to downsize. Everybody we help downsize, whether they’re moving into a retirement village or moving to something smaller ... They're not exactly excited by it, because what they really want to do is stay in their own house, surrounded by their own belongings.

And if they had somebody else living in with them who could just take the edge off the boredom or the loneliness, who could just make sure they're not being scammed. Somebody to do a health check with every now and again, and just keep an eye. Then I can see how well it would work for so many people. And I think that all these ways ... There's loads of technology that's come out to help people stay in their houses for longer. And there are organizations like Silver Line, who you can call when you're lonely and things like that. But, actually, at the end of the day, nothing beats a friendly face.

Sarah Kaye:

Thank you, Meirion! That's a lovely way to end our chat! Thanks for being a great interviewee.

Meirion Shaw:

My pleasure. Thank you too!

Thanks for reading. If you’d like to be featured in our series, please connect with me and direct message me on LinkedIn here: https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/sarahkaye1/

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