Interview with an Alien

It does happen every day having to answer questions to someone with no understanding of investments, but still with the will to play it. The naivety of the questions and the straight logic should let us think anyway or better, rethink.

I have imagined this to happen this way.

Alien: Hi, I would like to invest some Martian funds, now that you guys managed to drill my homeland, at least let me be part of it.

Consultant: Shure, we have plenty of options, so many that you will not be able to make a sound choice and eventually I will choose for you.

Alien: Oh, that makes sense. I see there is a number of solid families and small entrepreneurs' business around. Hard workers that know their job, it is easy for me to understand their logic; an idea, people believe in, all work hard and seriously and they make money to sustain their families and contribute to the society weel-being. I would not mind being part of this.

Consultant: Absolutely, I can see you know what you want, we are on the same page here. It is wise to invest in this kind of business, a lot at stake, these people will keep working hard on what they've created. You can help them pushing some money in the business to fast track their growth, these people deserve it.

Alien: What part I will have on this, I mean I live on the other side of the galaxy literally. How I am going to interact and supervise my investment?

Consultant: Easy peasy, we'll manage to get this company on the stock market, appoint Boards of Directors and a CEO. The company will have an investor relationship officer, that will release information in line with the Board's agenda and in concert with the Directors.

Alien: Sorry, language barriers, these universal translators are still far from being perfect. Who are those Board's members, how are they going to protect my investment?

Consultant: Well, they will ensure investment are in line with the company's strategic growth plan. They will suggest employing consultants and tools to monitor company performances.

Alien: Oh, this is good, are they going to monitor employees' vitals online to ensure their performances are optimized and they do not overstress the human resources? This is great, we adopted that on Mars only a thousand years ago.

Consultant: Emm... Not really... I mean the financial performances, you know EBIT, EBITDA, PAT... not familiar?

Alien: Not sure I understand, let me recalibrate the translator. On Mars, we work to contribute to society, for a better living and to ensure everyone has access to the needful. This concept of earning intended as capitalization in itself is a bit of news for me. So, what happens if these monitoring display undesired behaviour's?

Consultant: I assume you mean making a loss for undesired... Well, the company must implement measures to reduce costs. A proportionate reduction of Personnel should be the first stage I would say.

Alien: I see it, all those financial consultants, the Boards, and the Directors we lastly employed have to go? That's sad. But I understand, if the costs are too much now.

Consultant: No, actually we'll get rid of the workforce, the expendable.

Alien: Hold on a minute, is not the people that started the company making it profitable and the reason why I was investing in the first place?

Consultant: Yes and not, you see, doing that the value of your stock immediately will rise.

Alien: Yes, but who is going to do the job after?

Consultant: We will run a round of recruitment for a new force at a lower cost under the excuse of organizational restructuring to show flexibility with an evolving market; genial isn't it?

Alien: From where they will learn the necessary experience and skillsets to do the job? The ones we let go, they built the business and they have the experience.

Consultant: HE HE HE, Martian friend, we'll implement a massive training program employing qualified trainers and using a certified competency scheme. In three years' time these guys will be up to speed. Your stock value will skyrocket with a program like this.

Alien: Oh, human friend, I am losing it now, we made redundant the original workforce to employ cheaper unqualified manpower, to employ trainers, and adopt training programs... Was it not cheaper to retain the original workforce? Maybe review the payroll scheme, make some sacrifice, if possible, and protect the people that created the company I wanted to invest in? Now you are presenting me with an all-new organization that is not what I was looking for as an investment in the first place.

Consultant: Hey Martian, this is how we do business here.

Alien: Not to sound polemic, but you invest your money in cars that depreciate, you buy houses that most probably will lose value over time by inflation, you work to get a salary that you hide in an institution, you call the Bank, that asks you money to keep your money, you take a perfectly working private company into the public market to penalize the only people that genuinely built that organization and send them home...

Tell me again... how did you guys arrive here on Mars?

Disclaimer: In order to reduce the length of the script, the information describing the investment process is deliberately vague and may not reflect the reality in part or in full. I have not met any Alien or Consultant in person or I know people that have done. I cannot confirm or negate the existence of Aliens and/or such Consultants. This is a fantasy-based story. No offense is intended or direct criticism to any category, the adjective Expendable referred to the workforce is a pure invention caused mostly by the prolonged confinement at home due to the COVID restrictions.