Interpersonal Relationship

One of the most challenging personal skills to learn and practice is the interpersonal relationship skill to communicate or interact with people. We need it in our daily communication and interaction with people at all levels of society, be it with family members, friends, colleagues, business associates, customers, or the public.?

We learn the skill by combining our instinctive personality, observation, and constant and ongoing process of learning people's social behaviour in different situations and circumstances. We need the skill to understand and get along well with other people to develop and cultivate relationships.

Both attitude and behaviour are crucial to securing a relationship. To retain respect from others, we need to gain their trust and confidence in ourselves. We need to treat others with respect to build trust and confidence in them. That is the basic tenet of a relationship, and that is how we secure our relationship with others.

We have to support and help others achieve their goals, allow them to be heard, and let them shine. This is different from trying to curry favour for someone to like us or side with us. People who realise it will denigrate us. So, do not ingratiate as that would not be good for a relationship as we will not be seen as genuine in our dealings with people.

To cultivate a relationship and maintain trust and respect from others, we need to have a reasonable?understanding and expectation?of ourselves. We need to know whether our expectations are?realistic or not.?

Be positive and do not fall into the trap of assuming everyone has some ulterior motives for what they do. Do not automatically assume they oppose us when they say or do something that relates to or goes against us unless we have well-founded reasons to believe they behave otherwise with bad intentions.

When things do not go as they should be, some people are often quick to blame. Please do not jump to conclusions unless we have established substantial evidence to support our actions.

Do not expect others to always agree with your thoughts or actions. Learn to accept other people's ideas when they are excellent and reasonable.

Remember that people come from different backgrounds, cultures, social classes, and educational backgrounds, so we must always communicate well.

Have you ever heard people saying, "Your character and reputation are your calling card?" They mean that our actions, communications, and interactions will establish our reputation as to who we are.

Word gets around, and other people may know us indirectly though they may not have met us. Word of mouth creates our reputations, good or bad, and our good reputation is the basis for cultivating the relationship that we have or are about to build with others.

We must have a set of principles that guide our decisions and actions and allow others to hold to their principles.?

People think differently, and we must respect their differences. We must reasonably understand ourselves, understand our strengths and weaknesses, and learn from others' experiences.

When we disagree with our colleagues, superiors, or bosses, we shall explain why we disagree and make our points. But we shall also be prepared to listen to their views and opinions and then work towards or aim for positive outcomes.

You will have your way of thinking, judgment, opinions and thoughts on specific issues and use them to suit their circumstances and conditions.

Be genuine to yourself. Have you encountered someone who says one thing to you and says a different thing behind your back? Or have you done the same to others??

When we are not genuine in our actions, people will know sooner or later. Once they find out, we will lose our credibility and respect, ruining and damaging that relationship. It isn't easy to regain trust and respect, so be careful with what we say and do.

People will learn our character by observing our actions, and they will either begin to have confidence in us or distrust us.

Our relationship with people must be based on the reality of our true character, values, principles, honesty, strengths, and weaknesses before we can attract friendships and confidence from others with whom we can trust and work.

Trust is essential in any relationship. Trust is also an integral part of our reputation. You do what you say and say what you do.

How to build trust? Be trustworthy!?

We cannot build trust overnight. We earn our trust through consistency in what we say and do. Similarly, when we promise something, we have to keep that promise.

We may be sincere and forthright in what we say, but it will be more meaningful to say it tactfully. We have to be sensitive in selecting words as we deal with people from all walks of life with differing behaviours, cultures, ways of thinking, educational background, values, and opinions. So, with honesty and sincerity, we will enjoy friendship and respect.

There is one thing we may find it challenging to learn about people around us with whom we want to cultivate a relationship. It is called discernment which is the ability to judge or distinguish mentally, for example, to discern right from wrong.

Not everyone can be discerning with the sound judgment of one's character or actions. We can only establish our judgment from our experiences and understanding of other people. However, our assessment may not be entirely correct.

Respect others if we want others to respect and treat us well. We set the tone for our relationship with others, and our behaviour and actions towards them judge us.

In real life, we meet all sorts of people, showing either positive or negative expressions or behaviours. We have to choose our words carefully as the wrong words can kill a relationship. Tolerant of other people's points of view, ideas or attitudes is necessary to create a successful relationship.

Please take note and avoid the following personal attitudes which may damage a relationship.

Ninety per cent of people like to gossip and talk about rumours and spread the news without ascertaining the facts. They create rumours and innuendos about other people that may or may not be accurate. They are usually disparaging and derogatory and may discredit them, intentionally or unintentionally. Rumors or facts are sometimes spun when they pass through from one person to another. In the process, opinions are added, and convictions are made, leading to misinformation and misjudgment of an event or person.

When talking to people, we shall not make them feel they are unworthy of their time or attention or worthless. It may cause friction and depression if we treat them dismissively.

We shall not be manipulative, trying to get someone to do something they may not want to, with unethical means, which can be by threatening by force, intimidating, lying or rewards.

In our everyday lives, we always make assumptions that are sometimes not based on hard evidence but on guesses that we do not know for sure. We always assume that someone can and will do it the way we want. We believe someone will always agree with us or generalise something without ascertaining the facts. That is not right, so do not easily make assumptions.

We can expect the worse to happen, but we shall not always come with a negative expectation of every outcome, as this will create a barrier to moving forward. A few people distrust everyone and everything and always assumes the worst and tell in a cynical and sometimes sarcastic way. These all can make someone feel uncertain and lose confidence.