#InternationalCoachingWeek: Self-awareness test: Speak the truth.

(1) Do you speak fast?

(2) Do you speak a lot and add many exciting details?

(3) Are you quiet and don't talk much?

(4) Do you let others speak first but keep your thoughts to yourself?

These are just four communication samples, and each type talks more about the state of each person. And throughout the day, we can switch from one state to the next. It all depends on our moods. The key is to be self-aware enough to know your state and impact on others.?

Let's dive deeper:

• If I speak fast, I notice I'm nervous and anxious. I don't enunciate; I feel a head rush, and multiple words come together simultaneously. I feel out of sync.?
• If I speak a lot, I use big words, speak in codes and sometimes tell white lies. Let's say I went on three days of vacation; somehow, coming out of my mouth, I would say, "I went for a week." Once again, it stems from anxiety and worried being judged because I only went on a 3-day vacation! ??

Does that resonate with you? Here are three things I now do to boost my self-awareness so I can catch myself in the act:?

1. Practice mindfulness: Focus on my thoughts, feelings, and actions throughout the day. I reflect on my experiences and understand how they impact me. I enjoy Olivia Hoblitzelle's guided meditation to bring mindfulness to my day and help me relax.?It puts things into perspective.

2. Seek feedback: It can be overwhelming to ask yourself questions about yourself. How about asking your best friends, parents or spouse first? Ask for honest feedback about your strengths and weaknesses. Use this information to understand yourself better and identify areas for improvement.

• Feedback can be tough to hear at first, yet after a few deep breaths, very helpful. I fully accept my impact on others, but it all depends on my intent. For example, some folks came to me and said I am one of the most uplifting people they have ever met in a meeting. But I also recognized that not everyone appreciates this way of being. I also got feedback from people saying I'm naive and only see things through rose-coloured glasses. Both can be true.

3. Journal regularly: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you gain clarity and insight into your behaviour. I have written in a journal every morning for a year now to process my thoughts, and the journals helped me develop this newsletter. Make a habit of journaling regularly and use it for self-reflection and personal growth.

Once you are honest and understand yourself, it unlocks your career blindspots.??What you are uncomfortable with is the source of growth.

Someone I cared about a lot told me that I needed to be more direct when making my points. Instead of trying to preface everything in an attempt to ensure people are not offended, I am making a shift. Here are the 5-steps I take to incorporate feedback:

• Step 1) I take a diaphragmatic breath and am then able to say what I mean clearly and concisely. Instead of: I like how Mary did a deep dive to understand the regional differences at the FSA (forward sortation area) level. Have we considered expanding this nationally so we can also appreciate different geographic regions? One marketing strategy that worked very well was a grow/keep analysis to design a system to optimize our growth.

• Step 2) What's the point I am trying to make here? ???? What I wanted to say was buried down. Was it about complimenting others? Was it about the FSA analysis? Or was it about the grow/keep strategy?

• Step 3) What's the bottom line here? The goal is to design a strategy to optimize growth. Let's say we have two markets, GROW vs KEEP. Is this a growth market where we can expand our market share and go after new customers? Or if this is a defended market, we are there to keep our market share. Rather than one broad stroke to expand our target audience, can we be more strategic in our investments and approach??What's the impact of each statement??

• Step 4) Just speak the truth.?

• Step 5) ....

What else would work best for you that you can share? What feedback would you like to give to your very long-winded colleagues? How can you position it as a growth opportunity rather than a criticism?

And if nobody has told you lately, just like my late cat told me, "You are enough!" You are enough and worthy of love; you got this!

Book I'm reading:

Lost & Found: Reflections on Grief, Gratitude, and Happiness by Kathryn Schulz.

You can subscribe here if you still need to subscribe to my newsletter.?

Who's?Elliot Ng? I am a tech leader and Certified Professional Co-Active Coach focusing on lifting others up and across. I will be the closing keynote speaker at the Customer Experience Strategies Summit on Jun 1st.

My professional background helps me decipher between signals and potential when others see noise and chaos —whether in disorganized operations or poorly functioning teams. I also practice customer-centricity to grow customers & base revenue. Let's connect!