International Women's Day at MVF 2019 - The Importance of Opening a Dialogue
I was really inspired at the posts written by fellow MVFers last week. They were articulate, direct, and brought clarity to a complex issue.
I’d been wanting to submit a post but had been struggling to think what to write. In fact, I find talking about this subject very challenging. I know I’m not alone.
A lot of the posts from last week were anonymous and 85% of the questions put to the panel who answered questions on Friday were also anonymous (mine included). It took me a lot of thinking to post this non-anonymously.
I understand why. It’s scary to bring up a topic that can seem accusatory, that can feel as though you’re making excuses for yourself, and that can be very difficult to back up with ‘hard data’. It would almost be easier if there were more overtly ‘sexist’ incidents. That way it’s clear what the infringement is, who is in the wrong, and what action to take. However, how do you put into words a lived experience of subtle micro-incidents that have been normalised by society? For a long time I didn’t bring this up as I had persuaded myself that it was ‘all in my head’ and what would I even say? Each tiny incident can be explained away - ‘why did this stakeholder only keep eye contact with my male colleagues’...’oh maybe it’s because they knew them better’ etc. etc..
I have had some tough conversations where my experiences were doubted. The people I talked to went into defence mode and explained away the examples that I had worked up the bravery to articulate. This isn’t a criticism of them personally; it’s natural to react like this when faced with issues that may not be a reality to them and that are uncomfortable to hear. The point I want to make is how important it is to open a productive dialogue where men and women both feel like they can contribute.
I’ve made positive steps towards this with some male colleagues and the shift has begun to happen - it is possible! Crucially, tackling any of these challenges isn’t possible if both sides aren’t involved. A few colleagues have approached this in just the right way; they listened, they trusted that if these things were real to me then they were real, and they came with an open mind to learn about something that they had not themselves experienced. These positive and open dialogues have been very powerful for all involved and they are vital to shifting perspectives. Gender is a starting point, but if we can make progress on this, it opens up conversations about tackling unconscious bias surrounding race, class, sexuality, nationality, introversion/extroversion and a lot more.
Something that has really helped me talk with more confidence has been hearing others speak about their experiences and some wider reading. It’s helped centre the dialogue for people coming at this issue from different points of view. I wanted to share a reading list and some of the major points I took from them.
1. ‘Why I am No Longer Talking to White People About Race’ - Renni Eddo-Lodge
https://renieddolodge.co.uk/why-im-no-longer-talking-to-white-people-about-race/
This is focused on structural racism. The above blog covers some of the struggles involved in having conversations with people who do not understand the privilege that is inextricably linked to the colour of their skin. She has a book based on this blog and also a podcast. This really helped me to understand the danger of placing the onus on one group to fit themselves into a dominant system. ‘There is a difference between saying ‘we want to be included’ and ‘we want to reconstruct your exclusive system’
2. ‘The Real Reason Women Quit Tech and How to Address It’
This article really digs into the intricacies of restrictions to progression, particularly on the lack of access to high impact projects and lack of constructive feedback. Also a brilliant ‘action list’ at the bottom.
3. ‘Your Self Review Process is Broken’ - reflections on self-promotion
https://medium.com/s/story/your-self-review-process-is-broken-b8940d06c809
A useful part around the struggles of being told to ‘shout about your achievements more’ and expectations that have been set out for you as a woman from a young age.
- Women are expected to be more modest than men and not self-advocate.
- Women who do self-advocate are less likely to be liked, and their self-advocacy will be seen as excessive compared with the same self-advocacy by men.
- Women are great at advocating for others and are expected to do so. - Women feel uncomfortable, uninterested, and unmotivated in tasks that require self-advocacy and don’t perform as well as a result.
- Creating an opportunity to misattribute their discomfort is sufficient to increase interest, motivation, and performance.'
4. Facebook’s Unconscious Bias Training (they make this publicly available)
A standout for me was the Competence/Likeability Tradeoff Bias video.
'Research shows that success and likeability are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women. Women are expected to be nurturing and care-taking, while men are expected to be assertive and action-oriented. Having to produce results and be liked makes it harder for women to get hired and promoted, negotiate on their own behalf, and exhibit leadership.'
5. ‘Teach Girls Bravery Not Perfection’ Reshma Saujani
https://www.ted.com/talks/reshma_saujani_teach_girls_bravery_not_perfection?language=en
A comment on why men and women may approach ‘risky’ situations differently and how it’s important to understand these differences and look to empower and facilitate opportunities in different ways.
'Most girls are taught to avoid risk and failure. We're taught to smile pretty, play it safe, get all A's. Boys, on the other hand, are taught to play rough, swing high, crawl to the top of the monkey bars and then just jump off headfirst. And by the time they're adults, whether they're negotiating a raise or even asking someone out on a date, they're habituated to take risk after risk. They're rewarded for it.'
6. Harvard Implicit Association Test
https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/takeatest.html
If you’re interested in discovering your unconscious biases (we all have them, it’s very natural and doesn’t make us bad people). But recognising them and mitigating the risk associated is the key.