Internal versus External Perception

How my determination to lose my “geek” status led me down the road to developing the Perception Formula

A Turning Point in My Perception

At 13 I was a geek.?

In middle school, I was in the Gifted and Talented Education (GATE) program, the “genius kid” program. That program stopped in high school, but I was going into advanced and honors classes, so the image of geek would be staying with me.?

I didn’t want to be a geek anymore. Or at least, I didn’t want to be seen as a geek in high school.?

I wanted to reinvent myself and change how others saw me.

My Plan to Change My Perception

In order to change how I was perceived, I knew I needed to change how I dressed. My multi-layered, bright colored polo shirts, vibrant chinos, and penny loafers only reinforced my geek status. I wanted to be cool. And in my mind that summer before high school, cool was Death Rock (later called Goth).?

The problem was my parents wouldn’t buy me any of the clothes I wanted, in truth we couldn't afford them, so I had to find a way to get them on my own.

That’s how I got my first job. While I was as far from a “cool kid” as you could get, I somehow found the nerve to go to a local punk clothing store and ask for a job.?

Imagine this preppy honors kid riding her bike to a punk clothing store and asking for a job.?

I was too young to legally work, so I told him I would work for $2 an hour, with my earnings going towards clothes. The owner said Yes.?

By the end of the summer I had the “cool” wardrobe of my dreams:? gray suede granny boots, white double-thick-soled-creepers, black monkey boots, and an entire collection of black, charcoal gray and plum purple clothes. The owner even told me I was the best worker he'd ever had (probably because I never stole from the till).

I started high school with a completely different image, even though I was still very much myself.

Internal versus External Perception

This experience taught me several valuable lessons about perception—both in how others saw me and how I saw myself. While changing my external appearance altered others' perceptions, the internal journey of self-discovery and empowerment was equally significant.

The Internal Journey

1. I can do anything I set my mind to
2. Don’t be afraid to ask
3. I can take care of myself
4. People treat you differently depending on how you look
5. Internally, I’m still me, even if I did have a new wardrobe. I still preferred to be home with a book on the weekend instead of going out?

External Perceptions

1. I was told, “You don’t look as smart as you are.” which pleased my 14 year old self to no end.?
2. Suddenly invited to parties (rarely went, but I appreciated the invite!)
3. Invited to hang out with the cool girls on the south side of the pier in Huntington Beach during the following summers, which was great

I had reached my goal by changing my personal brand. It shouldn’t be too surprising that years later I would develop the Perception Formula, which explores how perceptions are formed and influenced.

How This Relates to the Perception Formula:

Perception of You = f(Heuristics, Hormones, History)

As perception is a function of three key factors: heuristics, hormones, and history, understanding these components can help us navigate both our internal self-perception and how others perceive us.

Heuristics: Mental Shortcuts

Heuristics are the brain's way of making quick decisions based on limited information. (While useful, they can lead to cognitive biases, so be careful.) Some possible heuristics that helped me:

• Availability Heuristic: Estimating the likelihood of events based on how easily examples come to mind.
• Representativeness Heuristic: Assessing situations based on how closely they match existing stereotypes.
• Anchoring Bias: Relying heavily on the first piece of information received.

Impact on Self-Perception

I didn’t feel comfortable in my "geek skin" talking to people I identified as cool. Anchored by the label of "geek" limited how I saw myself. By redefining my identity, I overcame the anchoring bias that had confined me.

Changing my style helped me break free from the representativeness heuristic—I no longer visually fit the stereotype of a geek, which gave me the confidence to explore new facets of my personality.

Impact on How Others Perceived Me

By presenting myself differently, I influenced others' heuristics about me. They could no longer easily categorize me based on previous stereotypes. This opened up new opportunities for social interactions and relationships.

Hormones: The Invisible Influencers

Hormones are chemical messengers in our bodies that significantly impact our emotions and behaviors. A few examples are:

• Dopamine: Drives motivation and the pursuit of rewards.
• Serotonin: Influences mood, happiness, and a sense of well-being.
• Cortisol: Known as the stress hormone; high levels can lead to anxiety.
• Oxytocin: Promotes feelings of trust and bonding.

Impact on Self-Perception

The journey of changing my image and working towards a goal likely boosted my dopamine levels, as I experienced the rewards of my efforts. Turns out I was great at selling, which increased my dopamine and serotonin. Achieving my goal increased my serotonin levels, enhancing my mood and self-esteem.

Overcoming the fear of rejection when asking for a job at the punk store reduced my cortisol levels over time, and I built confidence through these new experiences.?

Impact on How Others Perceived Me

My newfound confidence influenced how I interacted with others, which in turn affected their perceptions of me. Positive interactions can trigger oxytocin release in others, fostering trust and connection.

History: The Weight of Past Experiences

Our past experiences shape our current perceptions and future behaviors.

Impact on Self-Perception

My successful transformation became a positive experience that reinforced my belief in my ability to effect change in my life. It added a new chapter to my personal history—one where I took initiative and succeeded—which bolstered my self-confidence going forward.

It also made me hyper-aware of how image shapes our reality, and perception all depends on where we sit.?

Impact on How Others Perceived Me

Consistent presentation of my new image helped others adjust their perceptions over time. As they interacted with the "new" me, their historical associations shifted from seeing me as a geek to recognizing me in my new chosen identity.?

The Interplay of Internal and External Perception

My internal transformation influenced how I presented myself externally, which then affected how others perceived me. This external feedback further reinforced my internal self-image, creating a positive cycle of growth.

Example:

• Internal Change: Gaining confidence from achieving my goal.
• External Presentation: Displaying a new image that reflected who I wanted to be.
• Others' Perceptions: Peers responded differently, seeing me as confident.
• Feedback Loop: Positive interactions reinforced my self-confidence, encouraging further personal development.

Moving Forward: Shaping Perception for Success

By understanding and applying the Perception Formula, we can take proactive steps to shape both our internal and external perceptions.

• Empower Yourself: Recognize that you have the power to change your circumstances. Setting and achieving personal goals is the first step.
• Be Mindful of Your Impact: Understand that your actions influence not only how others see you but also how you see yourself. Positive behaviors can lead to positive hormonal responses in both you and others. Better choices lead to better outcomes.
• Challenge Stereotypes: Don't let societal labels define you. By stepping outside of expected roles, you can alter heuristics and change perceptions.

Final Thoughts

We undervalue the power of perception. It is a powerful tool that can shape our lives in subtle yet profound ways. My teenage journey from geek to Goth was not just a change in wardrobe—it was an internal transformation that taught me about self-efficacy, confidence, and the dynamic interplay between how we see ourselves and how others see us.

By being aware of the neurochemical, psychological, and historical factors that influence perception, we can better understand ourselves and others. Embracing the Perception Formula allows us to intentionally navigate these factors, leading to personal growth.

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