Interesting Conversationalist - The listener!

According to studies, the maximum attention span of an adult is about 20-40 minutes.?This can extend by a few minutes, if the topic and/or the person is interesting.?It can be as little as 8 seconds, though one can chose to re-focus.?

Often people ‘shut-down’ when someone talks for more than a few minutes, without ‘engaging’.?When people talk too much, there is no room for - mutual conversation, knowing the person, being attractive, interesting…the list can go on.

I have had conversations, when I lost interest, not just in listening but in also adding to the conversation.?During and after such conversations, I am left with feeling no meaningful connect.

And then, there have been those, when, I had a good connect, understood each other well, asked each other relevant & interesting questions.?When such conversations ended, I was left with ‘wanting more’.?Some of these have led to long-lasting acquaintances and some even to friendships.?

Over the past ~18 months, with the pandemic surrounding us, conversations have moved virtual.?The impact of not being present physically, makes it a little more challenging to gain and retain focus.

From my experience, to be an interesting conversationalist the quality of being a good listener, tops the list! ?And then, there are others that follow.?

Let’s look at what to do -

Achieve a fine balance between listening and talking.

• Focus on the person you are having a conversation with.?
• Listen to the person, acknowledge what is being said, in a timely manner.?
• Ask relevant and open-ended questions. Open-ended questions invite a lot more information.?
• Be curious to know, to learn and to contribute.?To achieve any of this, ‘listening’ is key!

Be present - balance your internal ‘noise’

• Be present, be in the moment.?Focus on what is being shared.?
• Do not multi-task physically and/or mentally.?
• Manage the internal interference, by not trying to think of what happened before the conversation or what to say next.

Respect the differences and resolve them

Diversity of thoughts are welcome, but differences need to be identified, acknowledged and resolved.?Conversations are a platform to share thoughts openly and not to debate or argue.?It is not a battle ground to pit one’s stance against another and win it one way or the other. Be ready to chat, discuss, and trash out ideas, but do so amiably.

?Be respectful, friendly, polite and sincere

• If it’s your first conversation, begin with trying to build a rapport, by smiling, being polite, finding a common ground and using a positive reinforcing body language.
• Respect the other person, his/her thoughts/ideas.?If you disagree, be polite in saying so.
• Be sincere and your truthful self.?One’s best asset is their true personality.?Show it off and let it shine!?

Now, a couple of pointers on what to avoid-

• Refrain from talking about sensitive topics like religion, politics etc.
• Do not criticise, judge and/or dominate the person and/or conversation.
• Avoid filling a pause that feels long or an awkward silence with meaningless words.

Avoid interjecting into the topic(s), with personal experiences, when not needed.?If someone is talking about having trouble at work, refrain from talking about how you hate your job.?

Remember, one person may lead a conversation, but no one person can be the conversation!?Conversation is a two-way street.?It’s not all about you or the other person either!?

Be interested and, you will be interesting!