The Interdependent Advantage At Work
The Center - Memphis
We help leaders define reality and offer hope through the truth of God’s Word applied to everyday life and work.
Why does the most influential business book of all time reference marriage, family, and personal relationships over 750 times??
Perhaps it is because the most satisfying and joy filled life is deeply relational and highly interdependent.?
The most fulfilling work is no different. Work is designed by God as provision for people and requires deep, committed, and interdependent relationships to be effective.
Conversely, when people are seeking independence they are actually sliding down the maturity continuum in their life and work. There is no trust without a relationship. There is no good work without trust.?
Two of the worst lies in business are: “It’s not personal it’s just business,” and “if it is to be it is up to me.”?
Everything is personal. We are interdependent. Everything good relies on others.?
Relationship Accounts?
Stephen Covey introduced the world to the concept of personal relationship accounts in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Covey describes how each of our personal relationships have Emotional Bank Accounts.?
“We all know what a financial bank account is. We make deposits into it and build up a reserve from which we can make withdrawals when we need to. An Emotional Bank Account is a metaphor that describes the amount of trust that’s been built up in a relationship. It’s the feeling of safeness you have with another human being.?
If I make deposits into an Emotional Bank Account with you through courtesy, kindness, honesty, and keeping my commitments to you, I build up a reserve. Your trust toward me becomes higher, and I can call upon that trust many times if I need to. I can even make mistakes and that trust level, that emotional reserve, will compensate for it. My communication may not be clear, but you’ll get my meaning anyway. You won’t make me “an offender for a word.” When the trust account is high, communication is easy, instant, and effective.?
But if I have a habit of showing discourtesy, disrespect, cutting you off, overreacting, ignoring you, becoming arbitrary, betraying your trust, threatening you, or playing little tin god in your life, eventually my Emotional Bank Account is overdrawn. The trust level gets very low. Then what flexibility do I have??
None. I’m walking on minefields. I have to be very careful of everything I say. I measure every word. It’s tension city, memo haven. It’s protecting my backside, politicking. And many organizations are filled with it. Many families are filled with it. Many marriages are filled with it.”
Relationship Flow?
Significant relationships are critical to our effectiveness in all of life — there is no separation. We are interdependent. A healthy relationship in one part of our life flows into other parts of our lives through our emotions, confidence, and habits.?
“For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.” – Romans 12:4-5
When someone gives us an emotional boost, our healthy hearts are equipped to give the same boost to another person. As we learn how to understand needs to care for one type of person, we can learn to discern the needs of others. As we understand how to have healthy debate in one area of our life, we can take those skills and habits to other parts of our lives.?
As we learn to dispense grace to one person, we learn to be graceful to others.?
In the same way, an unhealthy relationship can leave us drained, stressed out, and lacking grace for others. This makes evaluating our relationships and taking action imperative in every area of our lives.?
Exercise:?
Now, Make Frequent Deposits
Here are six major deposits that Covey suggests will build relationships with strong emotional bank accounts, what God’s word has to say about each, and an action step for how to cultivate these relationships in your workplace.?
Understanding the Individual: “Really seeking to understand another person is probably one of the most important deposits you can make, and it is the key to every other deposit. You simply don’t know what constitutes a deposit to another person until you understand that individual.”?
“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” – Matthew 7:7-12
Attending to the Little Things: “The little kindnesses and courtesies are so important. Small discourtesies, little unkindnesses, little forms of disrespect make large withdrawals. In relationships, the little things are the big things.”
“Love is patient, love is kind.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4?
Keeping Commitments: “Keeping a commitment or a promise is a major deposit; breaking one is a major withdrawal. In fact, there’s probably not a more massive withdrawal than to make a promise that’s important to someone and then not to come through. The next time a promise is made, they won’t believe it.”
“Let you yes be yes and you no be no.” – Matthew 5:37?
Clarifying Expectations: “The cause of almost all relationship difficulties is rooted in conflicting or ambiguous expectations around roles and goals. Many expectations are implicit. They haven’t been explicitly stated or announced, but people nevertheless bring them to a particular situation.”
“For God is not a God of disorder but of peace.” – 1 Corinthians 14:33
Showing Personal Integrity: “Personal integrity generates trust and is the basis of many different kinds of deposits. Lack of integrity can undermine almost any other effort to create high trust accounts.”?
“The one whose walk is blameless, who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from their heart; whose tongue utters no slander, who does no wrong to a neighbor, and casts no slur on others.” – Psalm 15:2-3?
Apologizing Sincerely When You Make a Withdrawal: “When we make withdrawals from the Emotional Bank Account, we need to apologize and we need to do it sincerely. Great deposits come in the sincere words: “I was wrong.” “That was unkind of me.” “I showed you no respect.” “I gave you no dignity, and I’m deeply sorry.”
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” – James 5:16
The Always Full Account?
Praise God he does not treat us like we have an account with Him, with fluctuating deposits and withdrawals. The understanding, kindness, commitment, clarity, integrity, and forgiveness of Christ has nothing to do with our actions.?
Jesus has completely finished the work — reconciling all things in our accounts — to bring us close to God (Colossians 1:20). To this end Jesus said, “It is finished .” – John 19:30?
In Jesus, we have a Savior who offers us the opportunity to cast all of our unhealthy relationships, burdens, and anxieties on Him (1 Peter 5:7).?
In Jesus, we have a King who chose us and provides the opportunity for the deepest and healthiest relationship — the overflow of love and grace we need to empower all our relationships, in life and work (John 15:16-17).?
In Jesus, we have a Brother, who is our Source to live a life of healthy interdependent relationships, spreading our eternal advantage to all.
Resources
Graphic: Aligning With Life Purpose
Article: Renewal For Work – Renewal For Life
Article: Where Do You Want To Go?
Article: Proactivity Is Response Ability