Interacting with Executives and Celebrities

A friend of mine asked me: Regarding your networking prowess... Do you ever get nervous reaching out to new people, especially ones at a high level who you don't know? If so, please let me know what your tips are for staying cool. I'm shy by nature, believe it or not, so it's not my strong suit.

My reply might be helpful to others, so I'm posting it here:

The secret is that very few big shots consider themselves to be any different from the rest of us and a good number of them deal with some degree of imposter syndrome, or at least "fake it as you make it." They are often honored and flattered to be contacted for advice, just like all of us are.

When you were a VP and director at prominent film and TV companies, did you ever think that you were in a vaunted position, separate from the unwashed masses? You seemed not to and were very approachable and accessible. Yet, you were an effin Vee Pee at a top film company. To the rest of us, you were upper echelon. However you felt then is how the high-level folks you're reaching out to feel. Some of them are probably even nervous meeting with you, afraid that they won't appear as knowledgeable or helpful as you are hoping.

I once revealed to a college senior that as soon she got into the workplace, everyone would be her peers, regardless of their age and years of experience. She found that to be unfathomable, but others in the conversation reassured her that I was correct. The same is true of us and the higher ups, they view us as fellow industry professionals and coworkers.

When I was a COVID manager on TV shows, I had to frequently remind myself that the young people working for me did not view me as an equal, but rather were a little nervous around me and wanted to impress me. And, the other crew members were likely also similarly intimidated by this department head who also had some enforcement authority. When I walked on set, people's butts puckered. I wasn't always aware of it, but it was the reality. Yet, my perception was that we were all on the same team. That's how most of the execs also feel.

Knowing this fact is a big part of what makes it easy for me to approach and interact with executives and celebrities. Many of them yearn to be spoken to without the undertone of admiration. Sure, we have to be respectful, but not fawning.

Sharing a laugh goes a long way. When I met Alicia Silverstone on the set of American Horror Stories, she told me how she had been in a hurry to get to work that morning. I said, "Oh, what kind of work do you do?" She started to answer, but then realized my question made no sense and I must be joking. She laughed and swatted me on the shoulder and we were cool from then on. When I met director Rian Johnson, I asked him if he ever missed having a B at the start of his name, which got a laugh out of him and relaxed our conversation. (He claimed to not miss having a B, and shared that he also didn't mind having an i rather than a y, even when his parents gave him the option of changing the spelling.)

It all boils down to the fact that most people see themselves as being 20 to 30 years younger, still trying to prove themselves, especially to their parents. They want to be accepted and supported as much as we do.

The other side of the equation is that you have gobs of value to offer. You can be the solution to their need. You can be as much help to them as they can be to you. They might be hoping to win you over even more than you are hoping to impress them. Knowing your worth is all it takes to be cool under pressure.

Also, being prepared by doing a bunch of research and having ready questions will give you plenty to talk about and help establish yourself as a deserving colleague, rather than an admirer.

Remember, they were us some time ago and we will be them sometime soon.