Interacting with Difficult People

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Many of us have seen the memes on social media … an annoyed-looking person saying something along the lines of, “The hardest part of my job is dealing with jerks.” These memes are mainly aimed at the coworkers, bosses, and sometimes even customers or clients, that make our lives difficult and cause stress. So, how do we deal with those that drain the life out of us and the office dynamics? 

First, let’s identify some of the common types of difficult people:

The Downer. Commonly known as Debbie Downer or Negative Nelly. The downer likes to wallow in negativity and fails to focus on solutions. They don’t like their job, the company, or the weather. They complain a lot, critique everything (but not constructively), and are judgmental.

The Know-It-All. Everything about them is better than. They like to impress you with their superior knowledge, name dropping, or comparing whose whatever is bigger.  You’ll often find yourself in an unwanted pissing contest with these folks. 

The Sycophant. Also known as the “yes-man” or brown-noser. They will insincerely flatter a higher-level person and are strategic in matters they can use for personal gain. However, they don’t actually contribute much to the greater good and tend to let others do the hard work.

The Gossip. You better believe if someone is sharing gossip with you, they’re talking about you with someone else. Gossips like to make up stories and embellish details. A gossip might seem harmless, but they erode trust and morale in the workplace. They can cause divisiveness, damage reputations, cause anxiety, and affect productivity.

The Bully. Yes, adult bullies do exist. They will talk over you at meetings, often criticize your work, or even take credit for your work. Their conduct can be threatening, humiliating, or intimidating. Employers should take note that bullies can cause absenteeism, turnover, lost opportunity costs, and possible lawsuits, or settlements.

No One Likes the C-word: CONFLICT

No one wants conflict at work, but if/when it happens, confronting the issue head-on is often necessary. If you ignore the situation, it may make matters worse. Most likely, while you’re feeling angry, stressed, or playing the scenario over and over in your mind, the other person isn’t even thinking about it or you. And, even though you weren’t the one with poor behavior, you need to be the one to address it. It’s possible the other person is oblivious to the damage they’re causing. Either way, workplace issues can harm your mental and physical health to include stress, anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, or gastrointestinal issues. 

Tips to Deal with Conflict and Difficult People:

• Make an appointment to discuss the issue. During the discussion, don’t say the words “always” or “never.” You will put the other person on the defensive. Use, “I” statements instead. “I was upset because you didn’t consult me.” You don’t want your language to fan the flames. Have an open mind and be willing to listen. Let the other person share their side and don’t think of your responses while he/she is talking. If you or the other party is too upset to remain open-minded, stop the discussion and set a new time to meet again. 
• Be empathetic. Try understanding where the other person is coming from. What drives them and their decisions? Instead of being defensive see the difficult person as a person. How can you help them and work toward a win-win situation?
• Don’t take it personally. You likely aren’t the cause of the issue. It’s possible the other person is dealing with their own major stressor.
• Take a look at yourself. Unfortunately, it’s possible the other party is set in their ways and will not change. While some people are unaware of their negative impact, others seem to thrive on their toxicity and creating chaos. Nevertheless, difficult people cause unnecessary strife and stress. Whether it's negativity, bullying, or just plain madness, difficult people send your brain into a stressed-out state that should be avoided. The following are some things you can do for yourself to protect your well-being:

Be introspective. Those who irritate us often times have something to show us about ourselves. Sandra Crowe, the author of Since Strangling Isn’t an Option, says, “Ask yourself: How is this person holding up the mirror to me?” When we identify in ourselves what we don’t like in others, we can work to change those things. Then, they won’t affect us as deeply.

Change your reaction. “You must change how you react to people before you can change how you interact with them,” says Dr. Rick Kirschner, coauthor of Dealing with People You Can’t Stand. We can change our reflexes. In this awareness, we free ourselves from allowing difficult people to get the best of us.

Get enough sleep and workout. Getting enough sleep increases your emotional intelligence and helps manage stress. Exercise produces endorphins, helping us to be clear-headed while also improving the ability to sleep, which in turn further reduces stress levels. Taking care of yourself helps you to be more positive and helps you to deal more effectively with difficult people.

To manage troublesome issues and difficult people adequately, you have to discover a method that empowers you to be in control. Stress is a threat to your success. As your stress levels get higher, your psyche and work performance suffer. Don't allow yourself to be tied to another person's negativity. The important thing to remember is that you’re much more in control than you might realize.