Intentions vs Actions: Bridging the Gap for Effective Leadership

Stephen Covey once said, “We judge ourselves by our own intentions and others by their actions.” It’s a quote that, on the surface, seems simple enough. But beneath it lies a profound truth about how we navigate relationships, communication, and leadership.

In leadership, this distinction between intentions and actions can create a gulf in understanding and trust. As individuals, we’re intimately aware of our good intentions—we know what we meant to do, even if our actions fell short. However, others don’t get the privilege of seeing those intentions; they only experience the result of our behaviour.

So, what happens?

• We get frustrated when others misinterpret our actions, attributing motives we don’t identify with.
• We judge others harshly when their actions don’t meet our expectations, rarely pausing to consider their intentions.

This gap—the disconnect between what we mean and what others perceive—is where relationships, teams, and even entire organisations often falter.

Intentions Are Not Enough

Intentions are critical, but they’re invisible. As a leader, it’s not enough to mean well; your actions need to align with those intentions. Without alignment, your well-meaning behaviour may come across as thoughtless, inconsistent, or even manipulative.

For example, a leader may intend to empower their team by delegating responsibilities. But if their delegation lacks clear communication or support, the team may perceive it as abdication of leadership or disinterest.

This isn’t just about leadership. It’s human nature. NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) tells us that the meaning of communication is the response you get. This means that no matter how pure your intentions, the onus is on you to ensure your actions—and the communication behind them—land as you intended.The Integral Perspective: Expanding the View

Ken Wilber’s Integral Framework offers a powerful lens to navigate this gap between intentions and actions. By integrating perspectives from four quadrants, leaders can develop a more nuanced understanding of themselves and their teams:

1. Individual Interior (Intentions): This is your internal world—your thoughts, beliefs, and values.
2. Individual Exterior (Actions): This is your behaviour—what others see and experience.
3. Collective Interior (Culture): The shared values and beliefs that shape group dynamics.
4. Collective Exterior (Systems): The structures and processes that influence outcomes.

By understanding how these quadrants interact, leaders can see how their intentions (Individual Interior) influence their actions (Individual Exterior) and how those actions, in turn, shape the culture and systems of the organisation.

Bridging the Gap: Practical Steps for Leaders

To bridge the gap between intentions and actions, leaders need to operate with greater self-awareness and intentionality. Here’s how:

1. Clarify Your Intentions

Take the time to get clear on what you intend to communicate or achieve. Is your intention truly aligned with your values and goals? This step isn’t about perfection; it’s about authenticity.

2. Communicate Transparently

Articulate your intentions. People can’t read your mind, but they can respond to honest and clear communication. Transparency builds trust and reduces the chances of misinterpretation.

3. Seek Feedback

Ask others how your actions are being received. This isn’t about defending yourself but about understanding their perspective. Use questions like:

• “How did that come across to you?”
• “What’s your understanding of what I’m trying to achieve here?”

4. Align Behaviour with Intention

This is where NLP becomes invaluable. Use tools like reframing to adjust your actions so they better align with your intentions. For example, if a team perceives delegation as avoidance, you can reframe how you communicate delegation as a gesture of trust and empowerment.

5. Expand Your Perspective

Using the Integral Framework, consider how your actions affect not just individuals but the culture and systems around you. Intentions need to ripple outward effectively for meaningful impact.

Disrupting the Narrative

Too often, leaders excuse themselves with, “That wasn’t my intention.” But here’s the hard truth: your intentions don’t matter if they’re not backed by aligned actions.

This isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being real. Leadership isn’t a game of managing perceptions; it’s about embodying your values in a way that others can see, feel, and trust. It’s about owning the gap between what you mean and what others experience.

The next time you find yourself frustrated by how someone reacts to your actions, pause and ask yourself: What did I intend here? And how can I ensure that intention is clearer next time?

Conversely, when judging someone else’s actions, consider this: What might their intentions have been?

In bridging the gap between intentions and actions, you not only become a better leader—you create a culture of understanding, trust, and authenticity that can transform your organisation.

Jay Hedley

The Coaching Room

www.thecoachingroom.com.au