Intentions

“Hell isn't merely paved with good intentions; it's walled and roofed with them. Yes, and furnished too.” (Aldous Huxley)

In my world, intentions hold little value.   

Sure, mistakes happen. There is always a level of unpredictability in any endeavor we take on. We can’t predict the future, and often, circumstances surprise us, or catch us off guard. Having good intentions is important; however, they are not what make the world go round. They are not what shape our society, our culture, or our planet. Intentions do not interact with the physical world. Only actions do. Good intentions with misguided, misdirected, miscalculated actions aren’t worth a cent.  You are defined by what you do, not by your intentions that lie behind, and drive your actions.  “The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” (Samuel Johnson)

You’re defined by how you treat people, not by how you justify your treatment of them.

The most important thing you do in life is to define “goodness” for yourself. How you define goodness, how you define good and evil, right and wrong, defines the person that you are, and it all starts with how you treat other people, not just the people in your life, but acquaintances and strangers. How much value you give life itself and how you treat living things defines you as an individual, and as a human being. We all have our reasons for treating others poorly, if only from time to time. While the more heinous of humanity find ways of justifying horrific acts, the majority of us find reasons and justifcation to be rude, cold, aggressive, insulting and just plain mean. Yes, sometimes we do have good reasons for acting less than friendly, but usually those reasons lack valid justification. Treat people well, and they will usually rise to the occasion.  “Try as hard as we may for perfection, the net result of our labors is an amazing variety of imperfectness. We are surprised at our own versatility in being able to fail in so many different ways.” (Samuel McChord Crothers)

You’re defined by what you pursue in life, not by your reasons for pursuing it.

This may seem slightly counter-intuitive. We all hear and talk about finding our purpose in life, finding our reason for existing, finding happiness, joy and creating the life of our dreams. Yes, you need to do your best to satisfy your needs (not your wants) in order to stay productive, but only so you can be more efficient in pursuing a goal worth pursuing. Defining what we “Want,” is where most fail. Self-indulgence is only justified when it allows us to do more good. Other than that, it’s just us being selfish. People are egocentric by nature and by definition, at the very least, partially selfish. Yet, we as individuals are not enough. We are not important enough. We are a very small piece of a very large system. Thinking that we matter most is ridiculous. Of course, we as individuals do matter, but we need to learn to keep balance.  “To be nobody but yourself -- in a world which is doing it's best, night and day, to make you like everybody else -- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.” (e.e. Cummings)

You’re defined by the people you surround yourself with, not by your excuses for keeping the wrong people around.

It is always difficult for us to cut those off who deserve to be cut off, even if we understand what must be done, we will hesitate to do so. Most of the people you meet in life won’t deserve the title of “friend.” This doesn’t mean they are worth any less than the next individual, but it does mean keeping them around can affect you in a negative manner. You should respect everyone, but you don’t need to allow everyone into your life. It may be hard to keep or cut people off, but it’s a necessary part of life. It has been said that when you doubt the nature of a person, look at their friends. Who you surround yourself with, and who you allow to affect your life speaks volumes.  “I have observed that the world has suffered far less from ignorance than from pretensions to knowledge. It is not skeptics or explorers, but fanatics and ideologues who menace decency and progress. No agnostic ever burned anyone at the stake.” (Daniel J. Boorstin)

You’re defined by your beliefs, not by why you believe them.

I am sorry, but “I have been taught and reared to believe this,” or “this is all I know,” is not a valid argument. If you don’t know why you believe what you believe, then you are living your life on a quick slide down to the far left hand side of the Bell Curve. I am not going to sugarcoat it; if you don’t have a logical reason for believing your beliefs, then your beliefs are nonsense. Worthless. Poisonous. Delusional. You can believe whatever you’d like to believe if you have a valid reason for believing it, and the only valid reason is rationale. If your beliefs are irrational, then you are irrational and your life is irrational. Take your beliefs and run them through the shredder once in a while, and then analyze them as you put them back together, it’s a valid and cathartic experience for most. W. Somerset Maugham once said, “If you don't change your beliefs, your life will be like this forever. Is that good news?” While you don’t need to change your beliefs, you do have to re-evaluate them on a consistent basis to make sure they are still valid for YOU.  "Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being." (van Goethe)

You’re defined by the way you love, not by why you don’t know how to love.

This one is a bit hard for even me to accept, but only because I tried justifying my actions in a million different ways. I was young. I was stupid. I didn’t understand what I had, what I was part of. I didn’t know what I was doing. The truth is, it doesn’t matter. You broke a heart. You hurt someone. You damaged them. You changed their reality and changed it for the darker. You were a negative influence on their life, and you can never go back to undo what you did. However, you can maintain that you will never do that again. We are not doomed to repeat our mistakes unless we choose to not admit to ourselves that they were mistakes. Be better.  “The question for each man to settle is not what he would do if he had the means, time, influence and educational advantages, but what he will do with the things he has.” (Hamilton Wright Mabee)

You’re defined by the life you create, not by all the excuses you managed to adopt along the way.

Nothing defines you more than the life that you have created for yourself. It is you. Your life is the sum of your thoughts, your beliefs, your loves, your passions, your weaknesses, your inhibitions, dreams and wishes. Whether successes, failures or otherwise. It does not matter what you intended to create. It doesn’t matter how you intended your life to turn out. It doesn’t matter why you decided to go down this particular path in life, nor does it matter why you are the person you’ve become. If you believe in free will, then you must accept your reality as your own design. The real distinction is always between those who adapt their life to reality and those who seek to mold reality in the light of their purpose. Change your reality to suit your purpose as often as you are able.

“I've arrived at this outermost edge of my life by my own actions. Where I am is thoroughly unacceptable.” (Alice Koller)  

Your intentions don’t matter. The outcome matters. The results matter. The way things turn out and how those ways affect you, and all the world’s living things, matters. Everything else is just you rationalizing why you failed. Who cares why you failed? All that matters is that, given endless opportunity to succeed, you chose this life.  You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear, or failure in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must always try to do the thing you think you cannot do.

Now… Where do you want to be tomorrow? Choose Wisely.