Intentionality in Relationships
The following is an excerpt from my free weekly newsletter, The Sphere.
Happy Tuesday!
“It feels icky, like I’m using people.”
As happened earlier this year, there’s always someone that comes up dismissive of the fundamental strategies I and others have been evangelizing for years.
Let's tackle a common hurdle in relationship building: the "ick" factor. You know, that uneasy feeling that creeps in when you think about systematizing your personal connections. "Is this inauthentic?" "Am I being manipulative?" I've heard it all, and I get it. But let's dive deeper.
The Paleolithic Dilemma
Our brains, barely catching up to the digital age, were designed for a time when our social circles were limited to the few dozen people we might encounter in our lifetime. Fast forward to today, and we're bombarded with more connections and information than our ancestors could have ever imagined. It's no wonder that without a little help, we struggle to keep up.
Intentionality vs. Inauthenticity
Here's the crux: being intentional about your relationships doesn't mean you're inauthentic. Think of it as a tool to manage the overload, not a scheme to manipulate. Using a database or reminders to reach out isn't about extracting value from people; it's about ensuring you don't lose touch with those you genuinely care about.
I hopped on the phone with a new client last Thursday who, despite having historically built a thriving business purely based on her personal relationships, was seeing her workload lighten a bit more than she’d like. As we drilled into it, the answer exposed itself: Her kids were older now, and she was no longer sitting in PTA meetings or the sideline of a soccer game with everyone else in her community. All it was going to take is a little more intentionality to get back in front of them.
领英推荐
The Sociopath Misconception
Deciding who to stay in touch with doesn't make you a sociopath. It makes you human. We all have limited time and energy, and it's natural to prioritize. The key is to do it with empathy and genuine interest.
Your Action Plan
Start by identifying the people you truly value but haven't connected with recently. Set reminders, make notes, do whatever it takes to keep those connections alive. Remember, it's not about what you can get from these relationships; it's about showing that you care.
To embracing intentionality in a world of endless connections,
-Zvi
P.S. Remember, being intentional doesn't mean you're using people. It means you're making a conscious effort to maintain the relationships that matter most to you.
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100% - I loved this about contactually in the past - it made it super easy to be intentional!
Love the transparency here, Zvi Band! People often can get bogged down in the generalization of what it means to be networking, but it doesn't have to be transactional at all!
Coach for Entrepreneurial Couples, Founders, CEOs | Relationship Expert | Author | Keynote Speaker | Husband | Dad | Certified Hundreds of Coaches in 11 countries
1 年Great stuff Zvi Band. Podcasting is a good example of this. In the past "I'll have you on my show if you have me on your show" is using each other to get each other's message out. I don't think there's anything wrong with this type of "trade". And, it often hasn't panned out for me, for whatever reason. I do think we "use" each other and if it's explicit, it's okay, but I often find that coming from "using each other" typically results in not great outcomes for me.
I help event business owners grow ?? | Entrepreneur | Podcaster (The Business of Meetings) | Author | Mentor | International Speaker | Event Entrepreneurs Shouldn’t Be Alone and Overwhelmed ?? | Event Business Formula
1 年Totally aligned with you about intentionality … and our brain knows it as it directs us to the right people to reach out to.
Founder of Human at Scale | Operations Expert | Entrepreneur | Coach
1 年Sad that folks view intentionality this way. Having a personal CRM for friendships and deep relationships completely transformed how I show up as an entrepreneur. Do I wish I would simply *remember*? Sure. But if I've learned anything in this life at all, it's that our brains have hundreds of thousands of years of evolutionary wiring creating flurries of thoughts and feelings—all of this being only, and simply, information for us. And we can choose differently based on this information. For anyone reading: the intentionality and the decision to act differently is the choice you're making in relationships. Everyone loves to be thought of and remembered. You get to choose if that's you.