Intentional Leading, Intentional Learning & Tending Your Garden

Recently wrapped up a program that was geared to improve the capacity of leaders to be team enablers and operate with as much independence as possible, being able to recognize their own growth? needs , reaching for that specific support, showing up for the things expected of them and increasing their influence. We took about 2 months in the design phase and 6 months to deliver in 2 phases.

The Toli Leader Boot Camp is one of the initiatives I have not only had the pleasure of designing but also led and been able to cross collaborate with multiple teams constantly proving the need or reason for investment in any request we put forward.?Over 6 months 299 young leaders went through this program simultaneously in both Kenya and Nepal being supported by amazing host of collaborating teams.

More than the fact that scaling and building people’s capacities to that is a deeply seated passion within me, it is going above and beyond the call of duty with genuine care and concern for the people I lead as well as bringing them along to see how they can do the same for those around them. At the same time, wrapping this initiative up has given me many opportunities to be grateful for when I am provided safe spaces to create, go wild, to test and fail, to learn but mostly to help many feel they belong. And while I have gotten many opportunities to contribute beyond my core role, I have loved that I am constantly and consciously growing with it.

I love having conversations with the over 50 teams I lead and others where we get truly vulnerable and I can share I am on a journey of my own too because as a leader no matter how good you may be, you just never stop growing. By the time this initiative was rolling out , I had already surpassed my PDP for that year. So I decided to take time to reflect and apply my learnings

I have gone through tens of feedback comments from both seasons and I am warmed. Deeply encouraged that somewhere somehow someone is transforming not just their lives but that of others too. How do I know? I meet them randomly. In events, in a random Slack saying hey when you did this or said that or challenged me this way or shared that personal journey you helped me. I see it in those who approach me and say no I am not in your direct team but I see you, I see what you do. You inspire me and the fact that we know when you have been involved in a piece of work even if it was a group effort it does not keep you in a pride bubble because you are constantly aware of who you are and where you want to be even if sometimes you say you are not so sure.

I see it in the people who intentionally seek direct coaching for every sphere of their life trying to be more effective and work on their influence. I see it in how they have gained courage and seek support not only from the people they are comfortable with but beyond that to the point some went from shy member to Toli (Team) Leader to Team Captain. I see it in those who do that and moved from being in school trying to find an internship as part of their academic requirements to wanting to grow in those spaces and now those spaces are asking to keep them around. Every time they come with new challenges, I rejoice because I know they are growing.?

While change remains constant, sometimes comes with massive uncertainties that can be deeply scary other times they open you up to something better you are already unknowingly prepared for, one thing for sure is keep learning. Here are some of my lessons over the last 8-9 months reflecting over my leadership and current role:

• a)?If you want growth you must seek for it

Sometimes, you might not have the enabling environment. I have been fortunate I got the freedom through my manager to seek it wherever I could find it. More often than not, if you truly take time with yourself you will know what you need and who from more than anyone else. I got myself a coach I seek out possibly once a quarter within the business and for balance I found myself a mentor outside and both are not afraid to tell me the truth but with love and care. I went further and found different ones for different areas of my life.?

• b) To keep growing you have to keep giving

It is the only way to retain but it's also a great way to stay accountable. So equally be honest with yourself and those who come to you about where you are. People would rather those who are relatable to them than those who are absolutely perfect. Another mentor/coach I met also told me as you give Ja, remember not everyone deserves your energy. Protect it. The same was echoed by someone she closely mentored. A fantastic leader I have come to respect. Oh she also asked me one powerful question : ‘’Why do you have to feel responsible or accountable for that? Initially I thought we were talking integrity and my sense of high responsibility then I realized, hold up, what did you just ask? She then directed me to a book I should definitely scout : How Women Rise. It was a question I had never been asked before until we really dove into it. Oh, was my mind blown away! I also learned there are givers , takers and those in between. Takers will always wanna take then question you for asking.?

• c)Know how best you receive your support and challenge?

This came from both my coach and mentor. Once you figure it out. Communicate it but also its important to know who you are sharing that with and why them

• d)Constantly seek feedback, be intentional with it but not all of it is helpful

Choose whom you want to speak into your ear and life carefully. Have some discernment when possible. Not all feedback is important, necessary or helpful. If anything, I have learned most people are terrible at communicating. Learning communication skills and how to do that is important. What you do with whatever you receive is up to you. Before I used to spend so much time going to upskill myself and take up courses to be able to address certain things until I pulled myself aside and asked myself why? I also found 2 or 3 really good LinkedIn courses that made me rethink. I am glad I did because, some feedback is not meant to improve you but to crash you or send you wasting time. And why not, some are big time cases of gaslighting. Simply know where your responsibility starts and stops with such things.?

• e) Be aware of your personality, influence, your presence, document and often speak up for yourself

Contrary to what most people I have met think, I am in fact introverted. Very much so which means doing things that place me out there do not come naturally to me. But hey! Things I am passionate about including many aspects of the various roles I have taken up through my journey require me to step out of my comfort zone to live my purpose best I can. So I am constantly finding ways to let what I do, how I do , speak for me. Sometimes, It means I have to verbally say it, other times it's just me loudly cheering others on. Other times its asking the right questions and even maybe, unintentionally the wrong ones coz I mean, who is keeping the weight metrics for right or wrong questions? I have learned not to be afraid to ask even when I am clearly bubbling still trying to process something I am unclear about but putting it out there.?

What has that done? It has allowed people with the answers to either be further interested into understanding my thought process, exchanging ideas with me, picking my brains or just straight out tell me we have not thought about that but hey, put a pin on it. Its food for thought or sometimes its oh yeap that makes no sense but I appreciate you for sharing it anyway. Further on, I walk away clear or maybe not so clear but I can begin shaping my mindset. What I have further learnt, it builds your influence. People remember you.?

A recent incident happened when a senior leader visited our local office. Our first time meeting but for some reason we greeted each other like we have physically met before (all previous meets were virtual) she straight up called my name meeting me by my chair in an honest excited hug. I was ofcoz surprised by her height , I possibly said it out loud and we laughed about that. But importantly it had not clicked yet how easy and natural that interaction was until a minute later, still going round the room and had to have others introduce themselves as well as their department for her to quickly connect. There were people she met and even personally interviewed years before those were easy to recall. Then she said, oh okay, well, if your camera is usually off just have it on but besides that you see, I would have known JaYoung from literally anywhere on the streets even though its my first time seeing her. She is so influential! I scanned the room my manager and his manager looking at me with so much pride but in that moment all I could do was sit down and internally go like wow! I need to seat down and sip more tea. Those are not words she just throws around.? One of my seniors would later tell me girl, when they give you your crown and flowers, wear it with pride then the flowers, plant them in a garden, water them and let the universe be blessed with its fragrance.?

• f) Conflicts are inevitable, embrace them but also teams go through 4 phases master them

??As a person who would rather avoid conflict situations and be patient to a fault, If there is one thing I have very much grown in is having difficult conversations. It's one thing to know in your head, it's another thing to face them. Knowing how to healthily address them even if it ends up at let's agree to disagree and move on is a major win.? Being aware that a team must go through storming phases before it norms is important because then you equip yourself accordingly. Sometimes you will have to be head on and call people out. Others gently or simply calling them aside informally and just get to know each other over something so un-work related then remind them you are one team and it’s in everyone’s best interest and their own, that they do well. That has worked magic for me.

Other times it was honest? conversations around WHY? Why are you here? Why did you choose this team? How do you want to be involved? How can I support you? When should I not look for you? Possibly even agreeing on a ‘’safe’’ word as well as figuring out your team charter while at the same time allowing them to ask you the exact same questions. Equally, knowing some people are just high conflict, it's their MO but mostly it's their hideout for their own pain. Draw your lines and choose how to engage.

Knowing when to escalate and when not to. I do not remember many instances where I had to escalate. Hardly. At the same time encourage healthy disagreements , varied opinions. Be wise enough to know just because someone disagrees with you on one thing, it does not mean they are now your enemies. Sometimes, you will need to escalate things, be kind in that. Be objective. Be constructive. Separate people from the issues. If you can’t even explain to yourself or the other person, please just keep it to yourself

• g) Compete with the last version of yourself all the time?
• h) Celebrate, champion and call people to account all the time. And when you do, tell them exactly why you are celebrating them by using a really good feedback loop. Where its something that involves a team, acknowledge them all even as you acknowledge the lead. Sometimes, be careful how you construct that because just as we address conflict by separating people from issues, you also want to separate projects and initiatives from being personalized to people as much as they may indeed own a lot of it and should be properly acknowledged. The risk here may be, other team players might feel? overshadowed or those who did not do anything get away with things, or the person stalls in their growth staying in an area of comfort not picking any new challenges.?Its sometimes a tricky balance. But such is life.

• i) Practice empathy constantly.

Figure out their interests and join in on them ofcoz in so long as it does not mess your integrity. I remember watching and commentating on the 2022 World Cup last game with most of my Team (Toli) leads virtually. Do I know a thing about football? Not a single one. But for 1 day nearly 2 hours on a Sunday evening we were on our phones in banter and teasing. Now I know what we can talk about in certain meetings. Other times it looks like someone had a baby or lost a family member and we get everyone else on the team to send messages through a specific medium which I later forward to the respective persons. They feel heard, seen.

They might be finding it difficult to engage but after that they will try even if its just to be part of a community that remembered they existed in a sea of hundreds of people and tens of teams I have under me. Other times they won't re-engage and that is okay. At least they know you did reach out and you made them aware of all support systems available to them

• j) Communicate regularly, clearly.

In fact , over communicate not just anything but things that matter to them. As you do so also give them the power to decide what is best for them as they own the consequences of their decisions?

• k)There will be days you learn for the team and there will be days you learn for yourself. It was brought to my attention that on a few occasions, I shrunk myself for others to feel comfortable. Do not do that. You do yourself injustice.
• It might be of far much value to focus on the quality of your leadership, the experience and value you deliver and grow through it rather than growing through the ranks of a structure. Those change. Titles change. But you have to stay constant.
• l) Learn to Rest. Honestly though , there are days and weeks I just could not. Other times you must and you should
• M) Both Change & Setting up systems that work for you will take time, constant iteration. Do it anyway. Do it early. Ensure those who need to understand it do and buy into it.

There are so many more. So many ways I could share these. I hope as you read you can identify, learn and grow with me.