Intent is the Foundation of Trust

Intent is the Foundation of Trust

Trust. The one thing that changes everything. ~ Stephen M.R. Covey

Why do we influence?

What is our intent? What is our motive? What is our agenda?

What thoughts are behind our behavior?

Our character determines why we influence.

Who we are on the inside determines what happens on the outside.

Who are you? Really, who are you on the inside?

Who we think we are is important. Who we say we are is more important. But, who we really are is most important. Who we are is revealed to others by the actions flowing from our thoughts, our choices, and the intent or whybehind them. Why do we do the things we do? Whydo we say the things we say?

What is our intent? First impressions are important.

When it comes to character, our intent is our first impression.

What we do and say builds trust or creates distrust. This is important because trust is the foundation of influence. But, what is the foundation of trust? It is the whybehind everything we do and say. Intent is the foundation of trust.

Stop and Think:

When someone builds trust, does their influence increase or decrease? When you build trust with someone, does your influence increase or decrease?

Everyone understands, “Influence increases.” It is a self-evident truth. The more we trust someone, the more influence they have with us. It is a natural law, a principle. Greater trust means greater influence. Therefore, when we build trust with others, our influence increases with them. It works both ways.

Stop and Think:

When someone creates distrust, does their influence increase or decrease? When you create distrust with someone, does your influence increase or decrease?

Everyone understands, “Influence decreases.” It is another self-evident truth. The less we trust someone, the less influence they have with us. The more others distrust us, the less influence we will have with them.

As self-evident truths, everyone always knows the answer to these questions.

The principles of trust are directly related to establishing and increasing influence.

Why is there so much distrust in our lives, in our families, in our workplace, in our government, in general all over the world? It comes down to whywe do what we do and whyothers do what they do.

The intent behind what we do transfers to others. They can see it. They can feel it. We cannot hide our intent. We shouldn’t need to hide it.

Manipulation and Motivation

Everything we do and say has the potential to influence others. But, whydo we actually do what we do and say what we say?

Why we influence others, our intent, comes down to two complicated reasons seeming simple at first: manipulation and motivation.

There is a very fine but important line between manipulation and motivation.

When we are manipulating someone, we are using our influence for our benefit. When we are motivating someone, we are using our influence for mutual benefit. Both parties get something out of it. There is a good, solid reason for us to take action.

Merriam-Webster’s definition of manipulation:

• to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage

The key component of this definition is “especially to one’s own advantage.” When you are using your influence to manipulate someone into doing something, only you receive advantage or benefit.

Stop and Think:

When someone manipulates you, do they build trust or create distrust? Do they have more or less influence? What about when you manipulate someone?

Merriam-Webster’s definition of motivation:

• the act or process of giving someone a reason for doing something

The key component of this definition is “giving someone a reason for doing something.” When you are using your influence to motivate someone to do something, there is mutual advantage or benefit. A reason or benefit not only for you, but also for them.

Stop and Think:

When someone motivates you, do they build trust or create distrust? Do they have more or less influence? What about when you motivate someone?

When you believe, “I’m here to serve others.” you begin to motivate others. You move others to action. However, when you believe, “Others are here to serve me.” you begin to manipulate others.

High Impact leadership is about motivation. Low Impact leadership is about manipulation.

Which person has better intent: someone wanting to serve others or someone wanting to be served by others?

Who decides if something is an advantage or benefit for you? You do. How can someone else truly know what is valuable to you at any given moment based on the circumstances in your life? They can’t.

Likewise, you do not get to decide if someone else is benefiting or gaining an advantage. They do. They decide if there is a reason for them to act, not you. It makes perfect sense to me. How about you? I decide for me. You decide for you. Pretty simple.

People Are Different

However, we must realize what may be motivation for one person may be manipulation to another person because people are different.

Different people live with different circumstances in their lives. We have different relationships with different people. Different people see things differently based on where they are and where they have been. They have different views of the world. They see it as they are, not as it is.

Every relationship we have is different. There is no cookie cutter, one size fits all approach to influence. To be an effective leader (person of influence), we must be dynamic while learning and applying leadership principles.

Principles & Practices

Many people do not understand or have not considered the difference between principles and practices and run into trouble as a result. A principle can be applied in any situation and will deliver consistent results. A practice can be applied in any situation too, but there is a very big difference. A practice will not produce the desired results in any situation. Practices only produce the desired result in specific situations where certain associated variables are in place.

With principles and practices, if something changes, the practice may no longer work, but a principle always will.

The value of a principle is the number of things it will explain. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Here is a simple example. I have heard different parents speak about similar problems they have experienced with their children. It goes something like this, “I have three children. Two turned out great, but the other one, well let me tell you about them….” They finish with, “But, I don’t understand why? I raised them all the same.”

The parent was, of course, the same. But, the children were quite different. The parent tried to apply what worked (the practice) with two children to all three. If they had been successful at applying principles instead of applying practices, they may have had a different story to tell.

Ultimately, children turn out different for one very simple reason: they are different. They have different relationships with different people. The parents must realize they are not the only person influencing their children. Many different people are influencing them at many different times for many different reasons.

When I was younger, I was not thinking about principles and practices. There wasn’t much reasoning behind why I did what I did or said what I said. It’s simple. I did what I wanted to do. It was about me.

I’m not proud of who I was, but I have learned and grown. I’m not the same person any more. I have transformed. I am proud of that. My greatest accomplishments are: leading (influencing) myself to grow and change into a better person, improving my results, and helping others do the same.

Stop and Think:

When someone is only concerned with themselves and what’s in it for them, do they build trust or create distrust? Do they have more or less influence? What about when you're only concerned with yourself and what's in it for you?

People always trust us less when they feel we are more concerned with ourselves than with them. Why? They feel they are being manipulated for our benefit. Remember, the amount of influence we have with others depends on how much they value who we are.

The beauty of trust is that it erases worry and frees you to get on with other matters. Trust means confidence. ~ Stephen M. R. Covey

We must sincerely care about others and demonstrate it with our actions, not only our words, if we truly want to begin to build trust.

Be a motivator not a manipulator.

(This lesson is an excerpt from Chapter 3 in my book, Defining Influence.)

FREE downloads available:

Click here to access Chapter 11 “Get Out of the Way and Lead” from my book, Defining Influence.

Click here to access the first 5 chapters of “Blue-Collar Leadership: Leading from the Front Lines.”

Note: I encourage you to be a river, not a reservoir. Please share my blogs with others if you find value in them. I believe in abundance and write them to help others become more effective, successful, and significant.

Make an impact!

Mack Story

My passion is to help you live with abundance, achieve success, choose significance, and leave a legacy. In other words, I want to help you make a High Impact!

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Mack’s story is an amazing journey of personal and professional growth. He began his career in manufacturing on the front lines of a machine shop. He grew himself into upper management and found his niche in lean manufacturing and along with it, developed his passion for leadership. He understands that everything rises and falls on leadership.

Mack is the author of Blue-Collar Leadership Series, Defining Influence, & 10 Values of High Impact Leaders. He's an inspiration for people everywhere as an example of achievement, growth, and personal development. His passion inspires people all over the world! Order signed copies here.

Mack’s experience as a John Maxwell Certified Leadership Coach, Trainer, and Speaker includes an international training event in Guatemala with John as part of the Cultural Transformation in Guatemala where more than 20,000 Guatemalan leaders were trained.

Contact Mack at 334-728-4143 or [email protected] for Keynote Speaking, Corporate Training, Professional Leadership Development, Cultural Enhancement/Transformation, and Process Improvement.