Integrity is your power!

You've worked hard. You've honed your skills. You've watched and learned. You've taught by example. You've been a team player. You've been loyal. You've been responsible. You've been a shoulder to cry on. You've turned the other cheek. You're experienced. You've been patient. You've put in the time. You've learned who you are. You simply love to live by the law of reciprocity.

Sounds like you?

Nice. If any of what I've written (above) resonates with you, your character and how you perceive yourself; then you have a super power that is the key to all and any of your endeavors - indeed your life.

While this particular article leans more towards the work/career/professional side of life - this is 100% true in every other area of your relationships (i.e. marital, family, education, friends, etc., etc.).

I'll give the "takeaway" of this article right here. Ready? There really isn't such a thing as a "Boss" as described or defined and portrayed in our culture. There are however individuals who deserve the respect for achieving a certain level, position or status in the hierarchal system of the place we call "work" or the "job" environment. Bosses just know how to be bossy - tell people what they can and cannot do. They don't really lead by example, nor care to.

Of course, if an owner of a company is obviously employing you... well that employer deserves the respect for creating an environment that breeds and outputs great employees and great work! I use the word "employees" here to simply make the obvious distinction that there is an employer who by definition employs employees.

However, assuming the employer hired a person based on their expertise, their experience, their clean record (so-to-speak), and even their vibes and energy. Other than respect for each other from there on forward, there should never be a problem between the two of them, assuming one of the two parties, if not both, never oversteps their boundaries with regards to their "personal" respect towards each other or if the work in which the employee was hired for is not up to snuff.

You see, assuming you really do fully imbibe, live and are everything those things that I've listed in the very first paragraph (above); there should never be a reason for you, you're employer or your fellow co-workers to ever lose respect for one another. No one person is any more important than the other - that's the whole purpose of hiring "different" people for "different" positions, serving "different" functions, expected to produce "different" outputs. My pinky can't do what my elbow can do - but they're both interconnected to serve me - the purpose. That's why they're "different."

So why in the world would I go through this whole article thus far, to explain all of these seemingly obvious things? I mean duh, everybody knows that! But do they really?

Here's where everything starts to come together - the fun part.

Okay, I get it, the hard work, the loyal worker bee, the respectful worker, the late-night worker, the hardworking team player that just wants to "make it all happen" and produce phenomenal work!

This person isn't looking for pats on the back, "great work" announcements, recognition, special attention, not even more money. This person is simply looking to work smart, collaboratively, professionally, honestly, wholeheartedly and respectfully.

Familiarity breeds contempt

So after days, weeks, months and sometimes years working together; because of the stellar work that our person has been putting day in and day out, sometimes, just sometimes, the employer or "Boss", requires a little bit more, and more and still some more from our person.

A few kids later, more exterior responsibilities and obligations outside of work, our person keeps it all together and works like beast because that's just who they are. As a matter of fact, throughout the time our person has been working at the same place, their responsibilities have quadrupled, along with the late night hours at the office, wearing different hats they never asked to wear.

In conversations, the "Boss" frequently talks to our person about all of the work that needs to be done, and cleverly interweaves conversations about how kids can be expensive and then college and everything that comes with having kids, etc., etc. Then immediately talks about how only the ones married to the company, are the ones that stay employed. Then quickly interweaves into the conversation how Christmas is around the corner and kids ask for the most expensive gifts. Then cunningly says, "Well, I'll see you this weekend. You are coming to work this weekend - right?"

Boom!!!

The underline message was just received. Wow, you never thought in a million years that your outside world would be used as a weapon at your work world. Sheesh! What does this person do? I mean, the "Boss" knows everything about this employees personal life, and knows that the person has financial obligations to their family. Why would the "Boss" weave those two worlds together in a work conversation, as if one had anything to do with the other.

So, now our highly pensive employee is in a pickle. "Maybe it was just a massive misunderstanding and perhaps one had nothing to do with the other. It was just coincidental that the two worlds (home and workplace) happened to come out in the same conversation."

Not feeling obligated, burring the proverbial "red flag" deep into their subconscious, the employee opted to continue along with the already planned family weekend they planned and intended to have.

Monday morning comes and the "Boss" seeing the employee in the elevator on the way up to the office, snidely says, "Must have been great not working this weekend!" Employee naively responds, "Yes, I had an amazing time with my family." To where the "Boss" responds, "Yeah, well I wouldn't get use to too many of those 'amazing times' with your family. Weekend work is an unwritten requirement. We don't just pay people well to have 'amazing' weekends!"

Oh snap!

It's super clear now. The "red flag" this person had in their gut was definitely a real, legitimate, gaslighting, fear-mongering tactic that their "Boss" was using.

A little more time passes and the relationship between the "Boss" and employee is now compromised. Our person begins to feel trapped, unhappy, fearful, genuinely disgusted and physically ill with how the energy has insidiously shifted to something so toxic.

As time passes by, with some weekends rendered - begrudgingly. A few missed weekend events with the family. Several late-night stays at the office. Looking back, our person is wondering and asking themselves, "Where did things go wrong?"

Where did things go wrong?

Want to know the real truth? Can you handle it? Actually, can you guess?

Okay, here it is... While the "Boss" did use their position and knowledge of the employees personal life to manipulate and coheres them into working weekends and late-nights during the workweek, fearing the potential loss of their job, the employee acquiesced into a rat race matrix, which was purely fear based.

Yes, the employee is culpable for how things have turned out, despite and in spite the absolute fact that they are the quintessential, hardworking, highly talented, non-argumentative, docile, experienced, creative, loyal, and highly optimistic person they've always been.

The conundrum in all this is that their Achilles' heel happens to be their greatest qualities. It's not that they don't know that they're being held hostage for no good reason. It's that their work ethic and obligation to their family is greater than the unnecessary hell they're living through and willing to accept as an office martyr.

Now, here's where the culmination of this article gets its title from, and the one incredible super power our person neglected to use...

Integrity!

Integrity? You would ask, "Well didn't they have integrity by sticking to a job that they know was using them and even more so, creating an environment that is unhealthy to work at, while implicitly threatening a potential job loss should they not adhere, comply or submit to - all for their family?" "Surly that takes a lot of integrity - right?"

Wrong!

Integrity is more than just an awesome virtue or righteous title to denote how much a person endures or takes in order to live a comfortable life for themselves or their family. Integrity is not a word you flash like a badge to show that you're a hardworking, responsible, reliable, dependable, creative, honorable, loyal, honest, talented and gifted person. All of that is automatically known by how you've lived your life.

Wait. So what is integrity then?

Integrity is when you know all of those things to be true about yourself yet would NEVER compromise what you wholeheartedly know what you bring to the table!

Integrity is when you know your worth, your talents, your abilities, your gifts and everything you that you have to offer the world. "The world?" Yes, the world.

Integrity is never allowing an employer, "Boss", company or person for that matter, to ever speak to you a certain way, gaslight you, dangle carrots in front of you, threaten you, give ultimatums to you, coheres you, scare you, or push you to do anything other than the 100% you're already giving and valued at.

Regardless of anything you may be great at, etc. If you don't see the value that you bring to any business or relationship, then there's a pretty good chance that you will fall victim to the scenario highlighted in this article - period.

Please don't misunderstand what I'm saying. You are NOT to be an insubordinate, inflexible, ridged, unbending, narcissistic, pretentious, above-the-law, unruly tyrant - who doesn't take direction from anyone! No, no, no. I am NOT saying that at all.

I'm talking about the person I've clearly described at the beginning of this article. The person with all of those great qualities BUT with integrity. Once an individual feels that they can threaten, manipulate, or compel you to do what is outside of what you already bring to the table; what has been contractually written, documented, outlined and asked of you when you were hired; what you actually get paid to do; what your talent, skillset, experience or creative aptitude brought to the company's attention in the first place to hire you.

Once you've given into the fear of "What if?" despite the fact that you know you were hired because of everything you offer the business - you've automatically forfeited your integrity.

"Sheesh, that's harsh! 'Automatically forfeited?'" "I mean, come on! You have to bite the bullet every now and then." "You have to take one on the chin for the team." "Right?"

There's a huge difference in being flexible, mailable, and being scared into submission. There's a difference being wanting to and having to. If you can steal a dollar, you can steal a hundred.

The reason you have integrity to begin with is because you know your worth. If you don't know your own worth, or worse yet, if you DO know your own worth but cowardly surrender your own value out of fear - there is no integrity in that.

Yeah, you may not find a new job so quickly if you leave this toxic company to keep your integrity. Or a company that pays as much. Or an office super close to your home. But you know what? I'll be temporarily broke until I find something new but I have something worth anything that's everything - Integrity.

Believe who you say you are. Believe in the abilities you've acquired throughout the years. Believe that you can work at any company and be a fully invested team player, so long as they never play with your integrity.

I'm no dreamer. I understand that this can be very difficult for some people to grasp, understand or even execute. However, losing your integrity, in return for a despot who now occupies space in your head and heart, both in the office and at home, is equivalent to a slow, torturously, painful and embarrassing death.

I believe you're worth much more than that. But what you believe of yourself is more important than what I do. Use your true power - Integrity. It'll take you around the world and back.

Please feel free to check out some books I've written which touches on the subject we've discussed here, in much greater detail. Clicking on the images would take you to Barnes & Noble.

Also, if you're ever in the Tampa area in Florida, please feel free to visit me at my school - At the Westshore Plaza

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