Insta-grammar.

We’re now living in a Breaking News world. Some of it legitimately breaking fast. And, breaking bad. A lot of it just breaking wind. 

But it’s symptomatic of the larger warp speed way we communicate.

Frankly, I like text-driven, emoji speak. I can’t recall the last time I actually typed ‘let me know’ vs LMK. The other day I needed a reply to go to a number of friends, so I texted LUK. Unfortunately, no one knew what I was talking about. Just my LUK.

But one thumb-sparing abbreviation does get my goat: ASAP. Call me acronymious but there’s something about ASAP that always feels way too urgent, too crucial. It’s become the Breaking News of requests. “Bob, have you thought about our Miami trip next winter?! Get back to me ASAP!” 

There’s an even snippier version when ASAP is just not fast enough. As in the two-syllabled, A-SAP. It’s your basic ASAP with some frosting on top. “Bob, I'll bet flights are selling out pronto for next year! Call me A-SAP!” 

Call me fatigued.

Writing ASAP out in full — as soon as possible — still implies a pressing need but there’s something more considerate about it. ‘As soon as possible’ could mean ‘as soon as you can get to it,’ ‘as soon as it’s feasible’ or ‘whenever you’re able to put down your pizza and acknowledge my email.’

One could also try just asking for something without flooring the gas pedal. “Jean, can you tell me where I can find the Firkin Folder?! I have a call in 10 minutes.” One could also try preparing just a bit more in advance for your Firkin call.

Maybe we should blame the Romans for this ASAP thing. The Latin word for ‘immediately’ is STATIM. “Caesar, it’s time to lay waste to Aquitania… STATIM!” 

STATIM was eventually shortened to STAT by the medical community who loves to speak Latin. Especially surgeons in the OR. “Nurse, a No. 10 scalpel, STAT!”

Okay, much as I don’t love it, I do get it where this ASAP thing is sometimes just what the doctor ordered. “Excuse me, nurse, I’d like a No. 10 scalpel as soon as it’s feasible,” is just not gonna cut it.

Be back with another observation as soon as the Firkin call is done.