How To Better Inspire Your Direct Reports

Failing Forward

"By 2003, I found myself in combat in Iraq and Afghanistan. Now that I was a one-star admiral leading troops in a war zone, every decision I made has its consequences. Over the next several years, I stumbled often. But, for every failure, for every mistake, there were hundreds of successes: hostages rescued, suicide bombers stopped, pirates captured, terrorists killed, and countless lives saved.

“I realized that the past failures had strengthened me, taught me that no one is immune to mistakes. True leaders must learn from their failures, use the lessons to motivate themselves, and not be afraid to try again or make the next tough decision.” (McRaven, Admiral William H. Make Your Bed. New York: Grand Central Publishing, 2012, pg. 94)

If a man who reports to you fails in an assignment or doesn’t complete it successfully, think about how to build him up. He already feels like crap. Don’t tear him down. Do everything in your power to help him “fail forward”, so he’ll learn from his mistakes and hopefully succeed next time. Ask questions to help him figure out why the wheels came off and he’ll own the solution. If his motivational value is about accomplishing goals, help him see what prevented him from success. Or even better, lead him through a process so that he can discover why the wheels came off. If he’s coming from a predominantly risk-averse motivational driver, ask him to go back and determine what went wrong. Encourage him to analyze the variables so he can find the solution. If he’s more driven for the growth and welfare of others, let him know that you believe in him. Show him how he was faithful to others even though the goal was missed. And if values flexibility and diversity, help him identify whose idea was best and why. Be aware that he cares deeply about how the team performs as a whole. Make darn sure you don’t correct him or put him down in front of others, regardless of his motivational driver. Being disrespected is bad enough, but if it’s done in public, it’s a knife in the back.

Author Michael Gurian cites what brain scientists have discovered: “Men can take up to seven hours longer than women to process complex emotional data…Men more than women will not know what they feel at the moment of feeling and will take longer to figure it out.” (Gurian, Michael. What Could He Be Thinking. New York, St. Martin's Press, 2003, pg. 86) Give a man the time he needs. Remember, if he has a risk-averse motivation he’ll need more time because he’s driven to evaluate all the variables, eliminate mistakes, and minimize risk.

Admiral McRaven wrote, “Life is a struggle and the potential for failure is ever-present, but those who live in fear of failure, or hardship, or embarrassment will never achieve their potential! Without pushing your limits, without occasionally sliding down the rope headfirst, without daring greatly, you will never know what is truly possible in your life.” (McRaven, pg. 5)

Your Feedback

If you have men who report to you, never let what you think about their abilities and contributions be a mystery to them. Give them positive and encouraging feedback on a regular basis. Affirmation is so powerful. A well-timed word can fill a man’s sails. Use their motivational values system and how they’re being SHAPED (Spirituality, Heritage, Abilities, Personality, Experiences, Destiny) to connect with their heart and soul. If you make them guess what you think about their performance, they will probably guess low. Many men feel like they are underperforming because their boss withholds necessary feedback. To compensate, they will often work late or take work home. Your role is to help them find a healthy balance.

If the men who report to you are afraid to challenge you in a respectful way, your department will be lacking. Collaborative synergy can do more to build up a group of men than anything. That’s why a winning locker room is such a powerful atmosphere. If people know they are needed and valued to the point they can question their manager, RAH cravings - Respect, Admiration, and Honor - will be met and great things will be accomplished.

If you’re on the other side of the desk and you don’t know how your boss feels about your work, ask. Have the courage (as you “flare” a prayer for wisdom and strength) to talk with your manager. “I want to do my absolute best for you and the company. What is one area you think I can improve?” “How do you feel I’m doing in my role and with my responsibilities?” These are good questions you may need to ask the person to whom you report, especially if they are all about meeting goals, accomplishing tasks, fulfilling assignments, and organizing resources to achieve the desired results. They tend to see people as a means to meet the goal. They are not intentionally withholding feedback, they’re just wired to focus more on the task at hand rather than the people accomplishing the task. Because they’re driven to accomplish goals and enjoy competing, task-oriented people often end up in leadership roles.

Respect Through Listening

A very powerful way to make another man feel respected is by listening to him. Really listening to him. The human proclivity is to communicate our opinion. Rather than listening, our sin-saturated, inner desire is all about being heard. But this flies in the face of our anatomical proportions! God created you with two ears and one mouth. Shouldn’t that mean you’re to spend twice as much time listening as talking? The power of the man who strives to understand the other person’s heart is commanding. You know how encouraging it is to feel like you’ve been heard. It speaks into your heart. You feel valued. Therefore, strive to understand the other person’s perspective. I recently learned a helpful acronym. W.A.I.T., which stands for “Why Am I Talking?”. Remember to W.A.I.T. when conversing with others.

Active, authentic listening is so important. Bernard T. Ferrari wrote a book about it (Ferrari, Bernard T. Power Listening - Mastering the Most Critical Business Skill of All. New York: Penguin Group, 2012, pg. 3). He’s a leadership coach to some of the nation’s most influential executives. Ferrari observed that nothing causes bad decisions in organizations as much as poor listening. “When I finally came to realize that the difference between great and mediocre managers was the ability to listen, I began searching for business experts who had written on listening. It was a relatively fruitless search.” Ferrari continued, “Managers often fall into predictable patterns of interaction with the people around them and can develop a complacency about these routines that hinder productive communication. The best managers, however, are always on the alert, believing that valuable insights may lurk in the unlikeliest places. Take nothing that you hear for granted and try to sustain respect for the ideas of each of your colleagues.” Ferrari’s words to managers are powerfully true.

But you obviously don’t have to be a manager to make effective listening your modus operandi. The best people are always aware of the individuals that are present, listening to everyone involved, knowing that the best solutions come through collaborative synergy. Every man has the power to encourage others by listening to them, truly hearing them out. Also, never doubt the power you have to lead up, to influence those above you through your honorable character, your listening skills, and excellent work ethic.

From What Men Crave - Spoiler: It's Not Money, Sex, or Power by Bill Simpson. Rated the #1 New Release on Amazon in the category of Work-Life Balance in Business and Money. See more of Bill's resources at www.BillSimpson.org