Inspirational Insights into Conscious Flow - 7th issue
In this newsletter “Inspirational Insights into Conscious Flow,” you will be introduced to the following topics: -
When two stars collide
Johnny Depp is a talented actor mostly known for his role as Jack Sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean series.?Now he is embroiled in a court case with Amber Heard. A lot of sparks, collisions and explosions are displayed in an open courtroom for the whole world to see.?I feel a deep sadness for both parties.
How can it happen to beautiful people??
When they fell in love, they set up a beautiful life together.?Where did this destruction of themselves and each other start??
The Depp/Heard case serves to highlight domestic abuse.
For me, as I witness the display as it is unfolding, I become aware that nobody wins when abuse takes the upper hand in any relationship.?Neither can win and be free from the pain that is current.?The origin of the brokenness in each of them started way before either of them was born.?Both come from parents who, through their own broken home experiences lashed out in trauma and pain at their children.
Judging domestic abuse towards parents failing their children does not serve the complexities of the issues that cause the brokenness that leads to the abuse is not addressed.?Both Johnny and Amber are children who suffered at the hands of their parents who were themselves not coping well with life situations. ?
Each suffered trauma in early childhood.
Each has survived and created their own successful lives. ?
Each found themselves in a system of coping mechanisms that supported their survival into adulthood. The success did not heal the early childhood traumas. Even with all the accolades achieved in their careers, the demons of the past took control and destroyed the love between two beautiful individuals.?This is a sad reality that many of us are faced with.?The aftermath of surviving a broken childhood comes with many difficult consequences. ?
How do you keep your pain from surfacing and taking control?
Do the coping mechanisms that we used when we were children suffice in adulthood?
Are all future relationships doomed because we had abusive parents or a difficult childhood?
The child’s perception and learned coping mechanism to survive painful experiences in early childhood mould a person for the rest of their lives. Yes, children are resilient. There's a perception that children are naturally happy. Even in difficult conditions they smile and make other people smile. Children learn to show off a sense of perceived wholeness to the world around them.?The inner child keeps trying to create a world of wholeness going forward in life.
Some children rebel, kick and scream and say I'm not happy.?Who cares to listen??
Who takes this child seriously? Can parents with their own brokenness recognise the brokenness in their children? Can parents acknowledge the child’s brokenness without acknowledging their own pain and frustrations??
It is all a matter of survival. Getting through the moment and hoping that after this moment a better moment comes forward and so we step into and create to where we can experience some good moments in life which include falling in love and becoming a parent. Doing it differently to appear to than our parents did for us.
That is the cycle. Brokenness creates brokenness. And that's really what we see in this courtroom drama display.
How we survive our early childhood struggles also determines how we survive struggles in our most intimate of spaces. Some of us want to fight it out.?In the Depp/Heard case, we clearly hear that Amber wants to resolve the difficulties by talking it out of fighting through the pain. This is how she wants to resolve problems. This is her childhood experience. Johnny has a different coping mechanism. He runs away from the danger and does not like the fighting.?Both are left frustrated when it comes to resolving difficult situations in a relationship. Amber gets frustrated by Johnny not confronting difficult issues and Johnny gets frustrated by not being able to get away far enough from difficult issues.?
Each is only doing the best they know how to.
Coping mechanisms are hidden in the use, and as we hear abuse of self-medication with substances trying to get away from the pain physically, mentally and emotionally
Two people who love each other deeply are now?hurting each other deeply.?This is what happens when pain carries forward pain in the family system.?
How could it be different if we start a path of healing early childhood traumas??
With unresolved childhood trauma, we put ourselves on the path of self-destruction and hurting others.?Finding a wholeness creates a way of wholeness forward for our children.?It is never too late to heal and bring the shattered inner childhood into a cohesion that drives wholeness.
INNER CHILD WORKSHOP may begin your path to healing your Inner Child.
Enough is Enough
It is usual for teenage children to rebel.?
It is usual for teenage children to express their views of where they find themselves in a world where they look forward to creating futures while growing into adulthood. The child within has survived whatever brokenness, disadvantages, and advantages they have experienced. Preparing for adulthood makes them question the expectations set up for them by the appearance of the more fantastic world beyond. What is on offer in life's journey? How do they prepare for such a big unknown? What is it that they need most to be fully prepared?
I felt privileged to do a constellation with a single mother who is struggling to cope with the anger of her teenage son. The first question that came up was: Where is the father? He is not around; otherwise, she would not be a single mother. Since the angry son was a little boy, she has been a single mother. She felt alone in the relationship carrying all the burdens. She could not fulfil the dreams of her at the time husband. When we set up the constellation, it became evident that her husband could not meet her objectives either. Neither could fulfil the dreams of the children. When the separation occurred, children's lives were shattered. When parents separate, the child feels broken.
In the systemic field, we saw the son's longing for his father. The child's anger stemmed from and was focused on the difficulty of the relationship between the parents. He held anger toward the mother, who believed she did a great job raising the children independently. I fully believe she does raise her children with everything that she has available to her.
The child raises the question as to his way forward in life. "How do I fit into this brokenness between my parents?" "What is my place and being the man in the house in an already too confusing world?" He is angry at the mother for not providing enough. He is mad at the father for not providing enough.?
Looking at this complexity from a systemic perspective and seeing the entire situation, the mother understood her part that led to the separation from her husband. Understanding her decisions and the decisions that they together made as parents to separate from each other led to the consequence that, as parents together, they had failed when they could not support each other. Each held perception of being a good parent in their own right, and separately doing it differently by their individual opinion.?
In the constellation, she learned to look at her husband differently. He was and still is the father of her children. She experienced her anger toward the man she judged and criticised for his failure not to meet her needs. When she learned that she also could not meet her then husband's needs, she gained clarity for her failures and ingratitude toward the man who is the father of her children. ?
The mother also learned that the rebellion she now experienced from her son was also present in the father. Through this new learning, she found herself gaining compassion for her strong degrading views of her children's father and herself. She felt a sense of softening. ?She further realised that the father's pattern of her children was set up similar to her son's. Both had fathers that left early and were raised by single mothers. Now she could see both her son and his father differently. She now understood the frustration of a young adult who needs to face the world as he goes into adulthood.
The mother thought she could raise two little children singlehandedly within her previous belief. She never expected to experience what she's currently experiencing as a single mother trying to guide her son into the unknown world of his adulthood. Mostly she learned more about herself. She realised that her views, perceptions, and expectations were asking for more than the system could provide. She had expectations of herself that were beyond her capacity.?
We can only give as much as we have, and we can only receive as much.
What we give is enough and what we receive is enough. When we can acknowledge that we offer and receive enough, we live in a world that provides enough. This is how we live in a world that we know and that is comfortable. Acknowledgement, when made in gratitude, restores balance. Gratitude allows us to find comfort in being enough, giving enough, and receiving enough.?
That is how the world start starts to integrate into wholeness.
HealingPoint is hosting FREE Family & Systemic Constellations Webinar.?
Interested?
Bring your curious mind to this online webinar which you can book?
By attending the FREE webinar you can win yourself a FREE Family or Systemic Constellation experience
Yes, life is overwhelming at times.?Instead of building only resilience, one coping mechanism upon another, we have taken a journey into creating some breathing space.
Instead of confronting the mind’s rumour mill with logic and ‘positive thinking’, it makes far more sense to step outside the endless cycle and just watch the thoughts unfold in all their fevered beauty. But this can be difficult. If you look closely at the ‘rumours’ that start washing around the mind when you feel stressed, you’ll see how much a part of you they really appear to be. They carry quite a punch and may be central to what you believe about yourself and the situation in which you find yourself.
We are practising some interesting options: -
Mindfulness is not about detachment.
In short, mindful acceptance gives us choices.
I have put together an Eight Day Breathing Space Program for you to access for >>? FREE?Eight Day Breathing Space Program
29 May 2022?-?Coaching with Systemic Constellations
Online
This workshop focuses on strategies and decisions that you may struggle with.
This is a group workshop.
The group participation supports you in setting up your Constellation, as you participate for other members in the group to set up their Constellation.?Healing, insights, and learning are valuable gifts that you take away from each other’s Constellation.
If you would not like a constellation set up for you, please select the Observer option.
Different monthly themes?allow creating the opportunity to explore questions and different constellation movements.??
Learning and knowing is different from experience.?The insights you gain from these workshops will give you the confidence to facilitate transformational shifts within yourself as well as when working with your clients.
You will receive the Zoom link upon booking.