An insight I believe will make me a better leader and a nicer person ...

If you are feeling overwhelmed, overworked and under-appreciated, you might be taking too much responsibility for others and not paying enough attention to your personal well-being...

Did you know your brain is geared to encourage lifelong learning.

When you experience meaningful insights, Dopamine (a feel-good chemical), is released.

I had such an insight this week while facilitating a leadership programme, and I think so did the sales and marketing managers who attended.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by life right now, I know this will help you too.

The discussion was around the difference between being responsible FOR and responsible TO.

What does it mean to be responsible to and responsible for?

In a professional setting, you are responsible TO the commitments and promises you have made, and the contracts you have signed. As a leader, you are responsible to your team and the results achieved.

On the other hand, you are responsible FOR your own thoughts, feelings, words, and behaviours.?

When you are responsible for yourself, you can control your actions and reactions to what happens to you.

When you become responsible for other people, you set yourself up for disappointment, because it is not possible to have total control over other people’s thoughts, feelings, and actions.

The danger of swopping these around

Instead of trying to lecture you on why I believe this concept can be liberating for you, I am going to take my own advice and share my personal reflections on the matter, and the rest is up to you.

• I feel responsible for the people who work with me. I want to be able to make their lives easier, so they don't need to struggle.
• I often do things myself and don't ask for help because I would rather be the one to be inconvenienced. It does not seem fair otherwise.
• I feel responsible for my wife and children. I want to help them avoid any hardship and protect them from making any mistakes and bearing the consequences.
• I am quick to give advice or do things for my students because it is easier for me. I have the experience, and quite frankly, I am uncomfortable with long silences.
• I have hurt people and lost business by not being responsible to the commitments I have made.

None of these situations are helpful to me or the people involved.

The implications of this insight

So now watch in amazement as I turn this around:

• Being responsible to others, I free them to live their own lives, to grow, have experiences and learn. I am giving them the gift of self-leadership. I can still be there when they need me, but I can't live their lives for them.
• Being responsible to myself and my choices, allows me to work on myself, personally and professionally. A new and improved me, who is self-aware and daily working towards realising my potential, means I can have a much bigger impact.
• Focusing on the things I can influence through self-leadership, makes me a much nicer person to be around and reduces the stress of carrying the world's responsibilities on my shoulders.
• And professionally, by keeping the commitments I make, I am able to build a business that will touch many peoples' lives and leave a lasting legacy.

This is what happens when I become responsible to others and responsible for myself.

How do you do this?

This is not something that changes overnight, but self-awareness is the first step. I have spoken to several people about this over the last week and they have all identified areas where they have become responsible for others rather than responsible to them.

They have also given me several examples where they have not focused enough on being responsible to the commitments and promises they have made.

I have seen and felt the sense of release when people realise this simple truth. (Or it could just be the dopamine)

A few of us have committed to supporting each other as we make these important changes. Why don't you join our movement?

My aim here was not to overwhelm with info but I would love to discuss this further with you over a cup of coffee, real or virtual. Let me know, my details are below.

[email protected] +27 73 2266527