An Insider's Guide to the First Week of Cancer (from a Professional Optimist).

?Confused. Overwhelmed. Angry. And strangely a sprinkle of shame...

These are some of the flurry of feelings that I felt last week when I was told I have cancer and require immediate surgery.

The declaration went a little like this:

“You’ve got Endometrial Cancer. We are fast-tracking you. Let’s get you scheduled for surgery right away. Here is the paperwork. Are you agreeable to a blood transfusion if necessary?”

Like a punch to the gut.

There is often no rhyme or reason to cancer. Sometimes the cause and effect are obvious. Other times — like this one — the link is obscure. The cancer I have is usually found in women ten + years older than me, who are obese, often have diabetes, and did not birth any children, (I have three healthy teens).

Damn.

As early as I am on this journey, I have already learned a lot. As an entrepreneur, steep learning curves are kind of my racket. I love a challenge. And so, this is the approach I am taking: cancer is a challenge that is manageable and beatable.

Why am I sharing this ultra-personal story here?

a) As a way of potentially helping others in the same crumby boat

b) As a cathartic means to processing this diagnosis

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Without further ado, Tips for Managing a Cancer Diagnosis:?

1. Do your own RESEARCH.

You are the quarterback of your health. Do your research, keep your records, ask your questions.

I am sure that my friends in the medical community will cringe with this advice — and in the age of ‘Facebook researchers’, I know that this is a touchy subject. But, had I not been savvy with Dr. Google, I would not have known to request the testing that eventually revealed my cancer diagnosis.

Health is the care of our own bodies. It’s personal. It’s not something out there that the experts can discuss and debate and work on for years while we hardly know it’s even going on.?

It’s something that affects us every day.

It’s also important to trust your instincts and your lived experiences.

2. ADVOCATE for yourself.

As a woman in my late 40s, my symptoms were chalked up to perimenopause.

For 22 months I was symptomatic and dismissed.

Sadly, this is not uncommon. Young women with endometriosis frequently report being dismissed by doctors, even their gynecologists. The most common symptom is pain, and over time the condition can lead to scarring and worse. Teens and young women may suffer for a decade or longer before diagnosis and treatment. According to a major 2008 clinical study , “A surprisingly large number of the respondents reported that their physicians had not taken them seriously overall or that they had been told that nothing was wrong sometime before diagnosis.”

?As singer and endometriosis survivor Halsey put it:

“Doctors essentially told me that I was being a big baby about my period”.

When a patient’s pain is discounted, ignored, or ‘normalized’, it can have a profound impact on their mental health.

?No one ever tells you that you can question your physicians. Having the freedom and confidence to speak up, pose alternatives, and even ask for a second opinion can save your life. Becoming my own advocate was the best move I could have made for myself after my diagnosis. I also wish I had known that sooner.

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3. If your Cancer is a ‘woman’s cancer’, seek a WOMAN Doctor.

One of my first procedures was done without an anesthetic. I was told by my male doctor that it would be: “uncomfortable, like mild cramping”.

I was not prepared for what followed. About three minutes, (felt like hours), of excruciating pain. I white-knuckled my way through it, with tears running down my face into my ears.

Mild cramping? Rubbish.

The good news is that the number of female OB-GYNs is on the rise in North America.

According to data from the Canadian Medical Association, 58 percent of Canada's OB-GYNs in 2017 were women, up from 50 percent in 2012.

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4. Get support for the SUPPORTERS.

Caregiver fatigue is real. The people supporting you, (spouse, family, friends), may need to talk, vent, cry, grieve — and it cannot be solely to the patient.)

Thank you, Canada for having excellent resources for families and friends. Gilda’s Club is a great place to start.

5.?Don’t be afraid to tell people what you NEED from them.?

Pity is not a great feeling. Same goes for being overly coddled and handled with kid gloves.

I shared these thoughts with my crew, and I think they were grateful for it. I also told everyone that I would prefer not to have every conversation focus on my health details and that I would bring it up as required. (Of course, my children are welcome to ask and discuss anything at any time.)

The outpouring of offers to help, to drive, to cook, to shop, to clean, etc, have been heart-warming.

And, there are some fabulous resources for organizing things like meals, transportation and child-care. Volunteers just sign up and receive notifications, get maps and driving directions, and stay up to date on the progress of the friend who is going through treatment or recovery. Tech for good!

See: Meal Train , My Lifeline and Care Calendar .

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6.?Decide your MINDSET for cancer.

This is huge.?

I have decided that this is cancer. Not ‘my cancer’.

A small distinction, but an important one.

I think of myself as a professional optimist and come from a long line of positive mindset enthusiasts. This approach has served me well in academics, parenting, relationships, and my career, and I suspect will be key to managing what lies ahead.

I have read that some women in my situation feel angry or betrayed by their bodies. Understandable.

I am choosing, however, to feel grateful. Grateful for a diagnosis that is treatable. For supportive family, friends, and community. And — here is where things might get a little weird — I am grateful to my body. I won’t be angry with her for getting cancer, but instead, grateful that she has been so strong, resilient, and that she gave me the gift of being a mother.

I recently came across an article about this very topic: "Targeting Mindsets, Not Just Tumors" . In it,? two pairs of specific mindsets were presented: the first regarded cancer as a catastrophe, and the body was the foe. The second regarded cancer as an opportunity and the body as a friend.?

No surprise: empowering patients to shift their mindset towards positivity completely altered their cancer experience. Having a mindset about “cancer as manageable” rather than “cancer as a catastrophe” allows a patient to engage with the disease in a more productive way.

I believe that you get what you pay attention to. So, although I will be informed and continue to self-advocate, cancer is not going to be the long-term focus of my attention.

If you have not yet heard the word ‘cancer’ delivered to you — and I sincerely hope that you never do — I encourage you to celebrate your health today.