Inside words: Active Listening

In this new release of the AvidaLAB Newsletter, I would like to continue my journey of "Inside words" by talking about Active Listening. Last time we went deep inside the word "Empathy". If you scroll through the Linkedin feed, and you are interested in management, you will be overwhelmed by professionals that talk about the importance of "Active Listening" as a crucial skill in the work environment. I would like to investigate more and give my insight.

Active listening is a?communication skill?that involves going beyond simply hearing the words that another person speaks but also seeking to understand the meaning and intent behind them. It requires being an active participant in the communication process.

Active listening techniques include:

• Being fully present in the conversation
• Showing interest by practicing good eye contact
• Noticing (and using) non-verbal cues
• Asking open-ended questions to encourage further responses
• Paraphrasing and reflecting on what has been said
• Listening to understand rather than respond
• Withholding judgment and advice

In communication, active listening is important because it keeps you engaged with your conversation partner positively. It also makes the other person feel heard and valued. This skill is the foundation of a successful conversation in any setting—whether at work, at home, or in social situations.

When you practice active listening, you are fully engaged and immersed in what the other person is saying.

7 Active Listening Techniques

The word "active" implies that you are taking some type of action when listening to others. This involves the use of certain strategies or techniques. Here are seven active listening techniques to consider.

1.?Be Fully Present

Active listening requires being fully present in the conversation. This enables you to concentrate on what is being said.?Being present?involves listening with all your senses (sight, sound, etc.) and giving your full attention to the speaker.

To use this active listening technique effectively, put away your cell phone, ignore distractions, avoid daydreaming, and shut down your internal dialogue. Place your focus on your conversation partner and let everything else slip away.

2.?Pay Attention to Non-Verbal Cues

As much as 65% of a person's communication is unspoken.2?Paying attention to these?nonverbal cues?can tell you a lot about the person and what they are trying to say. If they talk fast, for instance, this could be a sign that they are nervous or anxious. If they talk slowly, they may be tired or trying to carefully choose their words.

During active listening, your non-verbal behaviors are just as important. To show the person you're truly tuned in, use open, non-threatening body language. This involves not folding your arms, smiling while listening, leaning in, and nodding at key junctures.

It can also be helpful to pay attention to your?facial expressions?when actively listening so that you don't convey any type of negative response.

3.?Keep Good Eye Contact

When engaged in active listening, making?eye contact?is especially important. This tells the other person that you are present and listening to what they say. It also shows that you aren't distracted by anything else around you.

At the same time, you don't want to use so much eye contact that the conversation feels weird. To keep this from happening, follow the 50/70 rule. This involves maintaining eye contact for 50% to 70% of the time spent listening, holding the contact for four to five seconds before briefly looking away.3

4.?Ask Open-Ended Questions

Asking "yes or no" questions often produce dead-end answers. This isn't helpful during active listening as it keeps the conversation from flowing. It also makes it difficult to truly listen to the other person because there isn't much you can gain from a short, non-descriptive response.

Instead, ask open-ended questions to show that you are interested in the conversation and the other person. Examples of open-ended questions you may use when active listening include:

• Can you tell me a bit more about that?
• What did you think about that?
• What do you think is the best path moving forward?
• How do you think you could have responded differently?

Open-ended questions?encourage thoughtful, expansive responses, which is why they are often used by mental health therapists.

5.?Reflect on What You Hear

After the person has spoken, tell them what you heard. This active listening technique ensures that you've captured their thoughts, ideas, and/or?emotions?accurately. It also helps the other person feel validated and understood while keeping any potential miscommunications to a minimum.

One way to reflect on what you've heard is to paraphrase. For example, you might say, "In other words, what you are saying is that you're frustrated" or "I'm hearing that you're frustrated about this situation." Summarize what you've heard and give the person the opportunity to say whether you've captured their meaning or intent.

If you'd like to better understand something the person has said, ask for clarification. But don't focus so much on insignificant details that you miss the big picture.

6,?Be Patient

Patience is an important active listening technique because it allows the other person to speak without interruption. It also gives them the time to say what they are thinking without having you try to finish their sentences for them.

Being patient?involves not trying to fill periods of silence with your thoughts or stories. It also requires listening to understand, not to respond. That is, don't prepare a reply while the other person is still speaking. Also, don't change the subject too abruptly as this conveys boredom and impatience.

During active listening, you are there to act as a sounding board rather than to jump in with your ideas and opinions about what is being said.

7,?Withhold Judgment

Remaining neutral and non-judgmental in your responses enables the other person to feel comfortable with sharing their thoughts. It makes the conversation a safe zone where they can trust that they won't be shamed, criticized, blamed, or otherwise negatively received.

Ways to be less judgmental when listening include:

• Expressing empathy?for the person or their situation
• Learning more about different people and cultures
• Practicing acceptance of others
• Recognizing when you may be judging the other person, then stopping those thoughts

What's The Difference Between Hearing and Listening?

When you're in conversation with someone, it's common for your mind to drift to other thoughts. When your mind begins to wander, you're likely still hearing the other person, but you're not truly listening to what they have to say. However, this can negatively impact your conversations and relationships with people, if they feel that you're rarely listening to them.

“Many people use the words “hearing” and “listening” interchangeably; however, there are several important differences between the two,” says?Kelly Workman, PsyD, a psychologist at Columbia University Medical Center. According to Workman, hearing is the passive intake of sound while listening is the act of intentionally working to comprehend the sounds you hear.

Hearing

Hearing is a passive, involuntary, sensory process in which we perceive sounds. It is a physiological response that involves our perception of sound. It does not require focused attention...

For example, if you’re watching television, you can still?hear?the sound of traffic or sirens outside, your neighbor’s dog barking, and people laughing in the hallway.

Listening

Listening is an active, voluntary, and intentional process that involves making sense of the words and sounds you hear; it requires your attention. In turn, you may develop an emotional response to what you hear. Listening with the intent to understand is referred to as?active listening.

For example, if you’re listening to someone talk about a difficult day they had at work, you will probably have your full?attention?focused on them. As they speak, you will start to understand what their experience was like and the impact it had on them. This will help you make thoughtful comments and ask relevant questions to further understand their experience.

The Role of Hearing and Listening in Mental Health

Both hearing and listening play an important role in our lives. Hearing is a form of sensory input whereas listening is a way to form?connections?with other people, according to Workman. She explains the role these functions play in our mental health.

Importance of Hearing for Mental Health

Hearing is an important sense that helps us navigate the world. The loss of hearing can have a profound effect on mental health as it could lead to anger, social withdrawal, changes in our sense of self-worth, and?depression.

It is important to keep in mind that using sign language and paying attention to body language are ways you can listen without the sense of hearing. You can seek?mental health care?if you are experiencing depression or adjustment difficulties due to the loss of hearing.?

Importance of Listening for Mental Health

We are social beings and have a universal need for connection and belonging. Listening is what enables us to develop increased curiosity about other people’s experiences, increased compassion and?empathy, and increased connection.

If you are not listening to others or being listened to, it can negatively affect your sense of connection and?belonging. You can probably think of a time when you were not being listened to; the experience may have caused you to feel devalued, uncared for, and lonely, all of which can contribute to feelings of shame, anxiety, and depression.

Listening and engaging with others can strengthen your relationships. Similarly, the lack of listening can create tension and distance in relationships, make it difficult to?resolve conflicts, and affect your mental health and well-being.?

What Is Hearing Without Listening?

“People often listen with the intent to respond rather than the intent to understand. This means that they are relying more on hearing than listening,” says Workman.

Workman lists some reasons why you may be hearing and not listening:

• You may not have learned the skill of listening—this is perhaps the most common reason.
• You may be busy, distracted, or daydreaming.
• You may have?social anxiety, which can make it harder to listen because you are focused on planning what to say next or worried about what others are thinking about you.

It’s also possible that you just might not be that interested, in which case Workman says it is important to check in with your values and have awareness of what types of connection and relationships are important to you and what type of communication partner you want to be.

Tips to Become a Better Listener

It is possible to become a better listener. Workman suggests some tips that can help you improve your listening skills:

• Set an intention to improve:?Setting a clear?goal?to work on your listening skills can help you think more concretely about how, when, and whom you can practice with.
• Practice mindfulness:?Mindfulness?helps you be more present. You can practice it simply by noticing what has your attention at the moment; is it the person speaking to you or something else? If your attention is on something else, you can gently redirect your focus back to the person by noticing the changes in their voice, the words they use, and their nonverbal expressions.
• Be curious:?Adopting a curious mindset allows you to truly listen and understand. In doing so, you might notice that you automatically become even more curious about what the person is saying.
• Let go of judgments and assumptions:?When you judge and assume things, you essentially close the door to new information which means you are less likely to pay attention and listen. Letting go of judgments and assumptions will also help you become more curious.
• Summarize what you are hearing:?Repeating in your own words what you heard the other person say can communicate that you’re engaged and gives the other person an opportunity to clarify any misunderstandings.
• Ask questions:?Asking relevant,?open-ended questions?shows that you are listening and responding thoughtfully. If you’re not sure what to ask, you can try to think of who, what, when, where, or how questions.
• Use nonverbal gestures:?Using?nonverbal cues, such as making eye contact and occasionally nodding your head, can communicate that you are listening and paying attention.
• Try to validate:?While giving someone your undivided attention can be validating in and of itself, being able to?acknowledge?how someone’s thoughts and feelings are understandable given their history or current circumstances can be quite meaningful.
• Give advice only if required:?Don’t try to solve the problem or give?advice?unless that is what the person is asking for. We often want to help others which is why we’re quick to offer solutions. However, this can be quite invalidating to people because a lot of the time they just want to be understood and listened to.
• Put away distractions:?This can be difficult since we are constantly surrounded by distractions. However, little gestures such as putting your phone face down so you can’t see messages or notifications come through or turning away from your computer screen can help you be?more focused?and attentive.