Inside the Trump Administration: A Firsthand Account of Service, Setbacks, and Trauma

“Be kind to each other. Many of us are experiencing REAL PTSD from 2016.” is a Thread I read on Sunday coming home from spending time with family.?

The past few weeks have been full of anxiety, and I’ve turned to various ways to cope because I, too, am suffering from actual PTSD—not just from the election itself, but from everything that followed. In 2016, I was working as a Presidential Innovation Fellow in the Obama administration, an entrepreneur-in-residence working to solve some of the nation’s biggest challenges. I experienced this profound loss while serving in government, faced with a transition none of us expected—and difficult choices that had to be made.

My time transitioning into and working in the Trump administration marked a chapter of my life filled with uncertainty, resilience, and loss. Despite the challenges, I stayed with the hope that I could contribute to a better government. What I found was a system consumed by fear, antagonism, and an agenda that ultimately unraveled years of dedication to public service. This account is my story of that era, and I share it now as we stand at a potential turning point. On this election day eve, I hope my experience will remind others of what’s at stake.

The Election That Changed Everything

On November 9, 2016, I remember walking into work feeling numb. In the Obama years, my colleagues and I had built our lives around a vision of a government rooted in transparency, empathy, and innovation. In those early days after the election, we found ourselves hugging, supporting, and crying on each other’s shoulders as senior leaders tried to reassure us that the transition of power would be peaceful and that democracy would prevail. Yet, as I looked around the room, I saw apprehension and disbelief on every face.

In the days that followed, many of us came together, sharing our fears and wondering how to protect our work. We were passionate about the change we were trying to make, but there was an unspoken understanding that much of what we had built could soon be dismantled. The Trump administration’s arrival meant many of our roles and projects were in jeopardy, facing new scrutiny and uncertainty.

Choosing to Stay: Building the “Better Government Movement”

I chose to remain, hoping to continue the momentum we had created. As a Presidential Innovation Fellow, I focused on public service projects that aimed to create a more efficient, participatory government that served the public. I began convening people across agencies, coalescing around the idea of a “Better Government Movement.” Our goal was simple: build a nonpartisan, resilient public servants and an infrastructure to promote collaboration and innovation in government.

For months, I organized bi-weekly workshops, “Design-a-thons,” co-creating a playbook and toolkit, and convened regularly to share best practices and solidify our values. This movement was grounded in inclusivity, transparency, and the belief that government could be a force for good. We hoped that by uniting people across agencies, we could weather the political turbulence and preserve the core values we held dear.

Over time, we distilled more than 600 pages of research into about 100 pages of a playbook and toolkit that we coded on Innovation.gov . We built a community of practice and created the Design Challenge, a 16-week program to teach eight different methodologies to 40 public servants to help create solutions for real-world, government-wide challenges called the Cross-Agency Priority Goals. It was an incredible time when we supported each other in leveling up within an environment that often stifles evolution.

Innovation Under Siege

From the very beginning it became clear that our vision did not align with that of the administration. Although the White House launched its own “Office of American Innovation,” the purpose was far removed from ours. Whereas we envisioned innovation as a collaborative, community-oriented approach to government reform, the administration saw it as a political tool, redefined by loyalty and allegiance rather than people-centered change.

I encountered blockades and hostility in one meeting after another. In one instance, the director of that office interrupted my presentation, stating flatly that we were “thinking wrong.” They wanted us to adopt a “re-skilling” initiative, a superficial program that paid lip service to change without any true transformation of the systems and bureaucracy that blocked collaboration and innovation from thriving. I was told bluntly by the directors of that office that “the people that you work with, work for me, and work for this President.”?

The tension grew unbearable. Over time, colleagues faced similar resistance. We began to feel we were working against the very system we had joined to support. What we encountered was an administration more focused on command, control and image than genuine service to the public.

Forced Out: The Abrupt End to a Movement

Halfway through that administration, I was appointed to a new role creating a Center of Excellence (CoE) with the General Service Administration’s IT Modernization Centers of Excellence , centered on evolving agencies and public servants to meet today’s needs. My immediate leadership encouraged me to call this CoE whatever I wanted, and empowered me to create a roadmap based on what we had learned in the Better Government Movement. We called it the “Transformation CoE.”

Several months into that appointment, I heard that the White House didn’t like our strategy. I asked for a meeting with the Director to understand his reservations, and that’s when he told me that I was “thinking wrong” and that I worked for him and the President.

Within a week, I was “reassigned” from my role by someone I barely knew, given no explanation and no plan to transition. Over the next week, the White House ordered Innovation.gov dismantled, and I was forbidden from convening anyone in the Better Government Movement again. On top of this, the sponsor of my work—a long-time public servant and the Acting Director of GSA’s Technology Transformation Service—shared that she recently resigned because of the way she, I, and others had been treated.

The movement of people I’d worked with—thousands of public servants, volunteers, and innovators across the government—was disbanded. The Better Government Movement was reduced to a memory. Our community, which had once thrived on collaboration, was suddenly gone, along with the hope we had cultivated together.

I was devastated, not only for myself but for the countless others who had contributed to the Better Government Movement. Watching that work vanish felt like witnessing years of dedication disappear before my eyes.

My mental health suffered immensely in the aftermath. I was left to process the abrupt termination of the movement and the effects of working in such a hostile, volatile environment. It wasn’t just me; many who shared my commitment to a better government struggled with similar feelings of betrayal and trauma.

Moving Forward: The Human Cost of Governance Without Empathy

Six years later, I still carry the scars of those years. Back then, I couldn’t say anything publicly for fear and intimidation that I might be sued. My experience left me deeply concerned about the future of the government and our country, especially as we stand on the brink of another possible Trump presidency. The culture I witnessed was one of intimidation, where public servants were expected to abandon their values in favor of loyalty to an agenda.

If there is one takeaway from my experience, it is this: a government that dismisses empathy, transparency, and integrity is a government that risks losing the trust and well-being of the people it serves. The trauma of my time under that administration is a reminder of what happens when power overshadows purpose, when loyalty is prioritized over service, and when voices of dissent are silenced.

Today, I remain more committed than ever to transparency, inclusivity, and the idea that the government should serve the people it represents. My experience, while painful, has taught me that our voices and values are the foundation of democracy, and they must be protected at all costs.

As we face another election, I urge you to consider what is at stake—not just for those working in government but for the values that underpin our society. We each have a role to play in supporting leaders who champion transparency, empathy, and accountability.

If my story resonates, let it be a reminder that democracy thrives when people are empowered to create positive change. Let’s vote not only for our future but for a government that serves its people with integrity, compassion, and resilience.

Six Ways to Ease Election Anxiety

Experiencing PTSD from the election? Here’s some tips that you can do to cope.?

Election season can be overwhelming, with news and debates flooding our feeds, and the pressure to stay informed or discuss politics weighing heavily. Here are six ways to manage election anxiety:

1: Focus on Action

Combat feelings of helplessness by voting or supporting causes you believe in. Taking action—whether voting, volunteering, or participating in peaceful gatherings—can provide a sense of control.

2: Separate People from Their Views

Politics can divide, but remember that relationships often go beyond opinions. Approach differences with empathy, and try to understand each other’s perspectives without judgment. Practice questions like, “What makes you feel that way?” to foster respectful dialogue

3: Set Boundaries

Limit exposure to political news and social media if it’s heightening stress. As the American Psychological Association suggests, overconsumption can increase anxiety, so set clear limits and take breaks from political discussions.

4: Prioritize Physical Health

Support your mental health with a balanced diet, regular exercise, and adequate sleep. Avoid relying on substances to cope; instead, make time for healthy habits like walking or eating well, which can reduce stress.

5: Stay Mindful

Recognize and process your emotions. Acknowledge when you’re feeling anxious, reflect on triggers, and respond in ways that prioritize mental clarity and resilience.

6: Seek Out Hope

Find beauty in small moments or acts of kindness around you. Discover positive stories at sources like goodnewsnetwork.org or @goodnews_movement to uplift your mindset.

Remember, taking care of your mental health is key to navigating election season. These strategies can help reduce anxiety and encourage thoughtful engagement during this pivotal time.