Inside Out at Work

It’s the last day of Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Awareness month. Sure, it’s also Halloween, but as we move into November it was important to me to share my personal and professional experience with ADHD as someone who loves and works with quite a few ADHD individuals.?It's become important to me to incorporate the lessons from that experience into my work, and to help others learn some simple ways of increasing their ability to be more inclusive.

A few years ago, I was sitting in a doctor's office with my now-18-year-old daughter, Devin, who was crying. It took a lot to get Devin to cry. But here she was, shaking, tears streaming down her cheeks, and telling her pediatrician she needed help and couldn't handle it anymore. It was a conversation we'd had at home before coming to the doctor, but it wasn't any easier to watch her work through and express her suffering.

Her journey was long. We'd fought against “disorganization” and “irresponsibility.” We made countless checklists and some of her teachers even spent extra time with her talking about what we now know are executive function tasks. Why couldn’t she just pay attention? I felt like a failure and we thought maybe we weren’t being strict enough. At one point, I printed out an invoice for my 9-year-old to understand how much it cost me to take time out of my day to run her the binder she forgot for the 35th time despite putting reminder sticky notes on the front door. (I know. Not my best moment.)?

Her grades, soaring in the As all through elementary school and clearly where they should be for a kid who taught herself to read at 4 years old, plummeted to Cs and Ds in middle school. But at the same time, her imagination was incredible. Her wonder at the world made me pay closer attention to everything around me. The school didn’t offer much help, so we transferred her to a private school with small class sizes and better support. Thanks to a forward-looking 3rd grade teacher, we had started to notice that Devin’s behaviors looked and felt a lot like ADHD… but surely we could manage it. We read some books. We talked a little bit about it. We hired an executive function coach.

Then COVID hit. When we didn't think things could get worse, they did. Her grades got lower and she often neglected to do her school work without telling us. In may 2020, her English teacher reached out and told us she was failing because she hadn't submitted any assignments. English was always her strongest subject. Conversations turned into arguments again which then turned into some very dark nights.

After some failed attempts with medications, she found what worked for her. She could focus in school. Her grades started to come back up. I tried to learn a lot more, pay attention a lot more, and listen a lot more. She tried to be very open and started sharing what things felt like and what she needed. Between her ADHD diagnosis, medication journey, and an auto-immune disorder, she is a fierce advocate for herself and very willing to share her experiences. In doing that, she became a valuable professional mentor for her mom, who leads and coaches people who are openly diagnosed with ADHD as well as those who are dealing with it quietly.

So, to give you a snapshot of what my mentor taught me, here are five ways I’ve learned to be a better support to those around me:

Time Management

What You Might See: Missed deadlines, delays, or what looks like a lack of planning.

What’s Really Happening: Individuals with ADHD sometimes struggle with "time blindness," making timelines challenging. Think about the moments you’ve “lost track of time,” then imagine that happening nearly constantly.?

As a leader, consider offering structured timelines with smaller, interim goals and clear milestones, or ask your teammate to create one to review you with you. Place higher emphasis on routine check-ins, since object permanence can often impact people with ADHD as well… if you or your project is not constantly in front of your neurodivergent teammate, they can temporarily “forget” you exist.

Seeming Distracted or Unfocused

What You Might See: Inability to stay engaged during meetings, difficulty completing tasks, or appearing disengaged.

What’s Really Happening: Many individuals with ADHD have a hard time focusing in environments with a lot of distractions… and something you don’t even notice might be a significant distraction to someone neurodivergent.

You can provide options for quieter spaces, headphones, or focus tools to help reduce distractions. Some ADHD sufferers find a constantly-changing environment helpful, so consider allowing flexibility in working location if goals are met.?

Task Hyperfocus

What You Might See: Spending excessive time on one project, sometimes to the point of neglecting other responsibilities, even if the project is less urgent or important than others.

What’s Really Happening: People with ADHD may experience "hyperfocus," an intense fixation on a task they find interesting or challenging.

Hyperfocus is one of those ADHD superpowers! When Devin gets hyperfocused on something, her momentum is uninterruptible. She can learn everything about a topic in 24 hours. When you have a good connection with your teammates (or loved ones), you can learn what they’re passionate about and identify ways to tailor responsibilities to those strengths. Much like time management, clearly communicating expectations, task prioritization, and check-in cadence is vital. Often, a hyperfocus sprint needs a decent break to counteract it. Support your teammate in proactively identifying—and planning for—that need.

Impulsiveness in Communication

What You Might See: Interrupting others, quickly switching topics, off-topic conversation, or being overly direct.

What’s Really Happening: Impulsiveness is a core trait of ADHD. When the body’s dopamine is dysregulated, risk-taking thrives and impulse control is squashed. For many ADHDers, this peaks at certain times of day or with certain stimulus.

Intentionally decide what kind of culture you want to foster, then manage communication expectations accordingly. Talk with your employees about your expectations and their specific tics or impulses so they can keep a closer eye on them and so you can understand what it feels like for them. They may be fully aware of their triggers and need extra support counteracting them or finding an outlet for that energy outside critical work settings.

Disorganization

What You Might See: A disaster area. This can look like a cluttered workspace, disorganized project materials, or frequently-misplaced items.

What’s Really Happening: If you’ve seen the Inside Out movies, I often think about the fact that ADHD may feel like a whole other entity inside the brain. You have all the usual emotions, then you have one really loud, fun, interesting, zany individual screaming into a bullhorn about all the fun, interesting, zany things you could be doing right now! Imagine that. Now imagine trying to keep your desk clean while that’s happening.

Figure out what’s really important to you and your organization. Is it a major issue if desks are messy (it might be)? Is updating your project management file a higher priority? Again, communicate your expectations clearly, then ask questions. What would help them? Have they used executive function mechanisms in the past that work well for them? Set deadlines to meet your expectations, communicate them, then stick with them.

As you may have guessed, the most important things I learned from my daughter are in between the lines above. Listen. Ask questions. Communicate. Be consistent. Be clear. Build your empathy. I’m by no means an expert at this. But Devin helped me realize the moments when I needed to slow down and think about how her brain worked rather than assume her brain was like mine. I still fail at that, pretty often. She’s now taking a gap year, traveling and experiencing the world before she dives into another highly-structured academic environment. I’m incredibly proud of the way that brain works.?

Every day, she inspires me to be a better, more inclusive leader, and every day the neurodivergent people around me make this a far more compelling world for her to experience.