Inside out: a mental health talk

Hello everyone. You probably didn’t even notice it.?And I wouldn’t expect that from you. But let me tell you, I’ve been quiet lately in social media.?and there is a good reason for that: I was taking care of my mental health. A "detox", as people will call it.?

I felt like I wanted to share my journey through mental health issues in the hope it will help others going through the same journey. And also, to serve as a warning to those who are currently taking steps towards this trap.

The last 2-3 years have been quite strange for many of us. We all had to deal with a lot on our plates. On mine I had:

• going through the uncertainty of the COVID-19 pandemic in Australia worrying about the rest of my family in Brazil;
• a change of lifestyle during lockdowns and working crazy hours non-stop from home. “Finishing working” just meant close the laptop and switch to mobile to continue doing work-related activities while lying on the couch;
• a big “Y” career decision to make and eventually changing roles where I ended up with wider range of responsibilities. Imposter syndrome immediately kicks in;
• the self-imposed responsibility to be a high-performer and to stay on top of the wave of technology advancements in a highly competitive environment where I would constantly ask myself the question: "what am I going to do next? what's my next big thing?";
• and, of course, all the responsibilities that come with the other many “hats” we all wear: father of two young kids, husband, son, friend, etc.?

And with all of that I forgot one small but important detail: me.

Result: burnout and anxiety. I started feeling the physical symptoms on my body. Difficulty to concentrate on anything, terrible night sleep quality, constant headaches, tight chest sensation (fight or flight) with heart palpitations coming out of nowhere at any time of the day.

The anxiety took over my mind and I’d be worrying about things 24/7. Many times, I found myself going down the rabbit hole, developing hypothetical situations and living through all the emotions of these stories. I'd image all the dialogues with different people as if that was really happening. And usually, the ending of these stories were not happy ones.?I had this constant noise keeping my mind busy to the point that there wasn't any room left to think about anything else.

I completely forgot how to relax and disconnect. For example, I lost the ability to watch my favourite TV shows at night with my wife without my mind going to other places and coming back when the episode credits rolled up.

I was frequently losing control of my mind and during these times, my capacity to judge situations as being right or wrong, or as being reasonable or not, went south. In the attempt to over-correct this deficiency, I was swinging back and forth between options and outcomes in a matter of just few seconds. It's not a pleasant feeling realising that you can't trust your own judgment for the most mundane situations.

If you are going through similar a situation (or been through one) it's interesting how the loved ones around us either don't notice your struggle or, if they notice it, they don't necessarily understand how your mind is operating at that point. Sometimes, they will try to help us by saying things to cheer us up without realising that many times that's not what we need to hear from them. I can see how that's also hard on them, but education and awareness are your friends here.

So, how do we get out of this predicament when the most important tool we use to solve problems is the problem itself? You need help. I needed help. And that was the most important step: recognise that I had a problem I couldn't solve by myself. I started talking to other people at work and within my circle of friends and I found out that I wasn't alone. I was gobsmacked by the number of people around me I spoke with that either had or was having similar problems.

Talking about it definitely helped me. The more I tried to explain to others what was happening inside my mind the more I became aware of my triggers and the things I needed to do so I wouldn't go back in the loop. Recommendation: be vulnerable. I know it can be hard, but openness to talk about what is afflicting you goes a long way into understanding how to avoid it.

Professional help also helps. I confess that at first the thought of seeing a psychologist or a psychiatrist scared me a bit. "I don't need one. I'm fine." was my reaction when it was first suggested to me. But then I conceded and found that they do have the right techniques to explore why you a feeling what you are feeling and the ways to accept and handle your feelings and thoughts. As I write this article, I am not embarrassed to tell you that I am currently on medication my doctor prescribed me to help me get better. And I am feeling better.

If you constantly work long hours; or tend to pick up your phone in the middle of the night to check emails or check the status of your social media; or if you can't leave your phone behind after finishing working; or if you continue to think about work-relate during your weekend with your family; you are probably on the wrong path. Please stop those bad habits. Or, even better, replace them with quality time with your family, find a hobby that brings you joy, go out and exercise, read a non-technical book, eat healthy.

I think my final message here is: take care of your mind and of your body. They are the tools you need to keep sharp in order to do an awesome work and be successful. As the fable says: don't kill the goose that gives you the golden eggs. Invest in yourself, take care of yourself.

The sole reason of this article is to raise awareness and to help others. I wanted to keep open the conversation about the importance of mental health in our lines of work and the programs available to help you. Don't suffer in silence, please talk to someone...we are many and you are not alone.

And to those who notice that they have someone in their close circle, please get to know more about how to help someone with mental health issues. A good start is always asking the question: "are you OK?" How to ask "Are you OK?" | R U OK?

If you want to talk, you have a friend in here. And never forget: you are worth it. Have an awesome day!