Inside-Out; De-stressors for Attorneys

“As above, so below, as within, so without, as the universe, so the soul…”

― Hermes Trismegistus

Stressors can arise from the outside (exogenous), and from the inside (endogenous). Know which is which and have a plan for each. If we can fortify our bodies with antioxidants from without, and under certain conditions, our body produces antioxidants from within, why not apply that dual defense strategy to stressors?

The point is, when being barraged by our clients, tasks, emails, and calendared events (external actions or stressors), many tend to conjure feelings of anxiety or overwhelm (internal reactions or stressors), which we sometimes vaguely refer to as stress, or accumulated stress which we call burnout.

Exogenous meets and triggers endogenous when the stressed-out client complains of horrible, unresolvable things and then demands action. That hits attorneys hard. The external stress invades and pushes the internal buttons. If you felt like an imposter before that client tirade, you certainly feel the effects of that now. When external triggers internal, the combination is untenable. It is of course exacerbated by FUD, the fear, uncertainty, and doubt of what to do next.

Remedy? A recipe of perspective, organization, anticipation, healthy processing, and action. But, first we must avoid doing what we may feel naturally inclined to do. That is, to cave in and let it destroy our day and our energy, and then be sucked into some ill-advised filing or emotionally charged email. It’s easy to react like normal human beings who are being emotionally attacked, and when combined with our position of authority, we feel responsible for everything, which can impact our prerogative on clients and cases. We weren’t naturally designed to incur heavy emotional stress on a daily basis (something doctors and medics probably learned years ago), so we need to be informed enough to have a plan handle it.

For example, we know that client #147 calls and rants about the opposing party being late for parenting, or not taking the child to practice. It is always a raised voice, turning to tears. What can you do? Before that call evens occurs (and we’ll get to it), let’s embrace the external and internal actions that we can control the most.?

Shall we go Zen here? External actions battle inside stressors; internal actions battle external stressors.?

So, what inside things can we do to battle external stressors? First, let’s supplement our brain with thoughts of well-being (we’ll ditch exogenous and endogenous at this point). I hesitate to prescribe positive thinking, which is vague, watered down, and feels tangential to analytical thinkers, or to use productive thinking, which is conclusory and leads most to believe we are merely referring to work. Let’s utilize thoughts of well-being, which includes simply reducing negative self-talk or inner dialogue, and includes prayer, meditation, mindfulness, and consciously being grateful. Great advice to incorporate, but it’s only part of the recipe, and not enough in your role as an attorney.

Throw in some perspective here to understand that we have, or can exert, control over external stressors and how we process internal stressors. Knowing this can inherently help battle feelings of helplessness or lack of control over the welling of anxiety.?

The most practicable external actions begin with organization. Make sure everything is calendared (diaried). Although that alone can feel overwhelming, it eliminates the what-if-I-forget-something stress. Don’t procrastinate calendaring. Complete the external action, and check “what-if-I-forgot” off the internal stressor list.

Organizing implicitly helps prioritizing. This helps reduce the what-if-I-miss-a-deadline stress. Top priorities, or “A” priorities must be accomplished on time. To eliminate stress build-up, and to eliminate that panicked last-minute rush, identify “A” priorities, act on them, and check them off your list.?

Calendaring and daily listing also help identify “B” priorities. The client needs a call back soon, maybe today. By organizing and calendaring, this can be scheduled, and the simmering stress eliminated. For example, instead of clients calling three times and getting snippy with staff, they know that you will call them at 2:30 p.m. this afternoon (after you have finished that Response that is due today). Take action to manage the external tasks and priorities; reduce or eliminate the corresponding internal stressors. Organization soothes a number of reaction mode stressors.

Secondly, engage your legal perspective, before dealing with their emotional perspective. Look at your file and understand what’s pending. Maybe a parenting plan is imminent, maybe a GAL will be reporting in three weeks, or maybe the opposing party’s counsel just withdrew, and they are non-responsive to everything.

Their emotional perspective. They are upset, frustrated, raw, and want to get divorced (or perhaps they don’t). They are hurting. They need support from family and friends (and sometimes therapists), which they often project onto you. That’s their situation. That’s all okay; that’s real. Spewing emotions may also come from opposing counsel; same principles can apply.

However, your perspective is analogous to a doctor treating a patient. Yes, empathizing may be in order, but you are their attorney. You must stay rational enough to treat them as effectively as you can. You must be able to think, and not react emotionally. A doctor with good bedside manner must still be a skilled doctor.?

Also, have some psychological perspective. The client in this scenario is equating their stress with the fact that the other parent missed practice. Yes, that was a triggering event, and you will try to address it legally, whether that be in a motion, a call to the GAL, or a proposed order, but the mass of that client’s stress probably had accumulated before the missed practice. You realize that resolving the practice situation is like treating a symptom. There may be a similar event in the next few days. If you’re feeling masterful, start to anticipate the next event and remedy. Your client may perceive that you’re really on top of it.

Do the very practical de-stressor steps, such as breathing (seriously, take three long, slow breaths), stretching, or walking around the block. Drink water and avoid sugar. Practical truths. Note that they boost the recipe, but do not replace the recipe.?

Think recipe: where the sum of the ingredients, and timely processes, are greater than the sum of the ingredients and processes. Leave something out and it probably produces poor results. Ever hear a friend say, that recipe didn’t work? Notice friends or colleagues who struggle with processing stressors. They may have tried the external action methods, or the internal action methods, but still complain of stress or burnout. Likely, they did not do both or failed to implement both consistently.?

Exercising these de-stressors exorcises most stress. As always, taking the next step is crucial. It is the finishing touch to the de-stressor recipe. It is the action, such as the cooking or baking, which brings about the final result.

?Admittedly, knowing what action to take next can be difficult without especially without access to a mentor, and the topic itself embodies enough content for an entire legal seminar. But, presuming you know the next best step, to address the symptom or to address the underlying problem, take that action promptly. Timing is a crucial; when a client is highly stressed, time perception compresses, and tomorrow is never fast enough.

So, do the proactive internal and external actions you can do, because those are in your control. When you start to feel tension rising, take a breath, engage your healthy perspective (which also boosts confidence), and take stock of where you are in the de-stress recipe. Put in your missing ingredient or process, since you now recognize which one it is, and focus on it.?

External actions battle internal stressors; internal actions battle external stressors. You’ve prepared, inside and out. Things work better and feel better. So do you.

Here’s to a great 2023. Got questions on next steps, mentoring, or career moves???

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