The Insatiable Quest for Rest - Part II

It’s easier for me to push myself to the side. I can wait, but everything else can’t...It really is overwhelming. It is tiring as heck! - Anonymous

I started my day a little after midnight reflecting and journaling on what this new year and season means for me. It is a ritual I have engaged every birthday from as long as I can remember. I thought about the block of almost 7 years I sacrificed and worked diligently to meet some very important milestones and to pave the path for the purpose I am now steadily and comfortably walking out. I am happy I came through that period and I am super proud of all my achievements. I gotta admit though, if I had the chance to do it all over, my approach to this process would be different. ?

Those were some intense years, fraught with little to no self-care and not enough engagement of life, the way it is meant to be lived. I would have told myself that as important as it is to doggedly pursue my dreams and live out my ambition, it is just as important to spend quality time tending to the whole Georgia. That I needed to stop and smell the roses, that I needed to make time to consort more with friends and family, and that I needed to engage rest. Not just sleep, but actual rest.

It amazes me now how deeply unaware I was of how much time would go by so quickly.

I think about many of clients, colleagues and even individuals right here on this platform and their approach to their own processes. Many struggle with being present, with striking a balance between work and actual living. Many are afraid, yes, literally afraid to take the time needed to rest and when they do, it is usually when they have been left with no choice.

So, what is driving this dilemma? What exactly is keeping us from embracing this wonderful experience we have been graced with? I have managed to gather some insights from my own self-reflection and from numerous conversations with clients.

Dominant Cultural Discourses (Narratives)

It is a dynamic I have alluded to in previous articles. Culture is a very powerful force. Make an ideal or philosophy dominant through major avenues of influence and it will silently seep in, take over and alter the very make-up of an entity. Now that is a good thing when the intent is a noble one. The challenge with dominant cultural discourses, however, is that many do not yield favorable outcomes.

The “hustle and grind” dogma comes to mind. Though you might not label it as such, but subscribing to this ideal of working hard without letting up (taking adequate breaks to recoup and recalibrate) because you need to make ‘that money’, or meet those goals by a certain age, or be in tandem with your peers and their achievements, or create that legacy for your children, or build a name for yourself, though noble, is not sustainable. What is happening instead, is that we are creating a society comprised of people who are wired on adrenaline, frazzled, hyper-aroused, and overly anxious.

I chuckled but also felt concerned when a client told me some time ago that she was inspired to pursue a particular lifestyle, after listening to a podcast that touted the idea that, “successful and productive people” wake up at 4:00am daily and kick their mornings off with routine work-outs. She admitted lasting for a week and that that feeling of failure was accompanied with shame and guilt. I am glad she had the common sense to process those feelings, course correct and find her own lane. My question for her was, ““Being successful and productive” according to whose narrative?” That if this was not her natural bent or her own trajectory, why was she attempting to assume someone else’s?

My client is not the exception. The reality is, it is a practice many of us engage. Fortunate for us, we are likely to achieve much of what we are after holding to these narratives, but it often comes at a cost; including disrupted relationships and lost time. There must come a point when we give ourselves pause to examine the costs; whether these narratives are truly reflective of or are congruent with our own personal journeys and even our value system, and whether they are yielding the results we want for ourselves from a holistic perspective. It is dangerous to just go with the flow, unchecked.

Pressure to Perform

Whether it is on the job, in the world of business, or within the context of personal relationships, so many individuals struggle with the need to perform and, as such, place themselves under substantial pressure to do so. This often translates to giving up down-time or off-time to do more. I have my own hypothesis for what drives this tendency.

Many individuals have somehow learned to tie their self-worth to performance. Perhaps this was a hallmark during childhood, where one was only acknowledged, celebrated, commended, or even affirmed when a goal was achieved. Consequently, you have been trained to see your value primarily through the lens of work, or being busy, or consistently in doing things for others. The idea of rest will not readily fit into this schema, because to rest is tantamount to removing that which anchors your sense of self – busyness. The question then arises, ?“Who am I when work is not part of the equation?”

Individuals for whom this is a constant struggle will desire rest like everyone else, but will sabotage those moments when they emerge. In the absence of work or something to keep them busy, they usually find work or something to keep them busy. This could translate to taking on other people’s issues or burdens and making them their own; always looking for opportunities to “rescue” or “mitigate” or “fix” problems and people. They will feel burdened, drained, tired, and overwhelmed, but they will keep going.

It goes without saying that we must recognize that our value and worth are inherent to our humanity. Before we ever lift a finger, before we accomplish a task or achieve a goal, we must know unequivocally, that we are valuable simply because we are. Simply because we exist. Putting a stronger focus on self-love and tending to oneself is a necessary part of the journey to challenging performance pressure.

Escapism

Often, we stay busy and we negate rest because, let us face it, it gives us little time to have to think about our lives or confront our issues. I have heard it said many times that people will hide behind work or being busy, because the moment they slow down, the difficult thoughts and concerns for which they have no immediate solution, arise. Work or remaining busy then becomes a respite from, perhaps, traumatic memories or having to face a conflictual situation such as a broken relationship. Rest in those instances, is an unwelcomed experience.

The reality is; however, the practice is not sustainable. Though we might be able to “escape” for a period, somewhere along the line, those said issues are going to re-surface in ways that may prove significantly upending, even unmanageable. Engaging rest and allowing oneself to get comfortable with those uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, can actually facilitate better problem solving over the long run. Engaging the support of a therapist may prove beneficial in this process.

Lack of Faith and Trust

Not everyone might resonate with this contributor, but I can tell you upfront from my own personal experience, when I have found myself on that proverbial hamster wheel and being afraid of getting off, it is in those moments when my faith level was at its lowest. When I battled having to bear the weight of my own provision, when I felt I needed to generate my own answers and solutions without engaging my faith and trusting my Source exclusively, rest remained elusive. Those are the days I spend running myself ragged and the nights I stay up from sheer exhaustion, crying from feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

I am one who believes wholeheartedly that rest is a supernatural experience. Not sleep. Rest. We all sleep. That is a physiologically induced process. To rest, however, takes trust. I must trust that when I have done everything I can possibly do in any given situation, God takes care of the results and handles the things that are beyond my own human capacity. Similar to planting seeds and having absolutely no clue about the mechanisms behind that seedling emerging.

Being unbothered and unperturbed, what rest essentially is, does not happen independent of divine intervention. Making the decision to trust that you have done your part fully and believing that the outcome will be in your favor, gives you the ability to embrace this gift of rest.

When you work, God rests. When you rest, God works – Bill Winston

Georgia A. Bryce-Hutchinson?is an accomplished Mental Health Consultant and Practitioner, who leverages an Environmental Engineering background to set the framework, language, and impact of coaching across corporate and one-on-one environments. She specializes in advising organizations and employees on mental health literacy, awareness, and crisis intervention and devising preventative strategies to increase workforce productivity, engagement, and retention. Georgia has the ability to meet employees and people where they are in their lives, pivoting to support both the employee and the organization from an inside-out approach.?Connect with Georgia at?[email protected]