InPower Women Essentials: Are Women Just “Broken Men?” ??

I’ve been spending mental cycles unpacking my own biases about women in the workplace lately. It’s lead me to understand how much I’ve bought into a vision of women as little more than “broken men.” I hate that this is true. Read on to understand why.~ Dana Theus

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IS IT TIME TO DISCUSS "LADY STUFF" IN THE WORKPLACE?

My daughter-in-law gave me a wake-up call to one of my own biases about women in the workplace, which fundamentally shook me. This was a while ago, and it’s taken me over a year to process my thoughts. She’s an Army Captain and shared with me two Army “Unit Guides” to?combating gender discrimination and?leading pregnant and postpartum soldiers .?

At first, as I read these articles, I was thrilled to find such open and honest discussion of sexism, sexual harassment, and family planning, but as I began to read about US Army policies around menstruation, fertility, pregnancy, miscarriage, and breastfeeding, a little voice in the back of my head started getting uncomfortable. I actually heard it say, “But should our tax dollars really pay for all these accommodations that enable women to serve when they are being mothers?”

That little voice brought me up short when I realized I’d internalized some very powerful biases against women in the workplace. I’d internalized the belief that straight men’s bodies are the standard for a working human and that any human whose body was different required an?accommodation . I’d internalized the assumption that such accommodations incurred extra costs and thus may be considered by many employers as ‘optional’ within the limits of the law. I’d internalized the biases of our?medical and workplace cultures that women are basically little more than “broken men” who are lucky and privileged to get any kind of accommodation, no matter how small, because our employers are doing it out of the goodness of their hearts.

What I’ve begun to learn since realizing this is that?today’s workplace culture is designed for men’s hormone cycles, not women’s , putting our bodies at odds with the productivity that is expected from us. Because of this fundamental disconnect, it’s all too easy for us to look like “broken men,” when we’re perfectly normally functioning women.

Why Do I Think This Way?

Reading the Army article's dispassionate descriptions of the ways women can be supported (as opposed to accommodated) in a workplace that requires rigorous physical standards gave me a brief glimpse into what it might look like not to have these biases. The Army has a long way to go, as do I, but the vision they shared floored me. What would it look like to work in a place that accepted the uniqueness of women’s bodies, role in the family, and?leadership priorities, even when it required different investments than those made to accommodate men's bodies?

It certainly looks different than the reality thirty-two years ago when I first got pregnant. I felt lucky to get any time off. It never occured to me to request family leave pay as no one I knew got any. My thoughts of career planning pretty much stopped and no one in my company made the effort to discuss them with me, before or after kids. In hindsight, I’m fairly sure they figured my?ambition had gone out the window (even though it hadn’t). I took a few weeks of disability pay and did my best to make sure no one noticed I was gone. This led me to work too much on leave, trying to avoid being seen dropping a work ball because I was trying not to drop my newborn. Honestly, I think my male bosses were more enlightened about it than I was during my leave (which I was/am also grateful for.) I wished I'd known more about how to plan for children and my leave.

I’ll be honest, I don’t know what a truly supportive workplace culture for women and their bodies looks like. And I should, given how much time and energy I spend thinking about things like this.

This conundrum has shown me the power of cultural biases and the way “this is how we’ve always done things” creeps into our minds. When a bias has you in its grip, it's almost impossible to imagine things being any other way.

What Would A Gender-Inclusive Culture Look Like?

So I’ve challenged myself to think more broadly about what company cultures that didn’t treat women as “broken men” might look like. Here’s what I’ve come up with and I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences with me to help me build a better vision.

• It would be clear-eyed about the costs of being human - At the moment, workplaces would prefer to ignore the costs that come along with having a body and a mind, despite the fact that if they want your mind, your body comes along for the ride. The realities of medical and mental health are too often ignored by companies in both their policy and their culture. The result is too little support for women and men who need accommodation during those times when their physical and emotional health are challenged. Whether a company pays upfront or down the line to help people with everything from?period leave , mental health days without shame, or just being able to talk about the challenges of?menopausal hormone changes without being penalized for it, they will pay for it in the form of reduced productivity. So why not try to get in front of it and give people support to mitigate its impact on the business?
• It would be clear-eyed about the costs of hiring humans who have families - Today’s “always on” culture means work, family, and fun will be mixed up in the same bag for most workers–forever. The disconnected work and home life model is not coming back. For women, this comes with extra burdens since women still do more work at home and with family care than men do–on average. These averages are changing, however. The good news is that some women are getting more support and some men are stepping up, but this can come at a cost to those men, who can be penalized for “being soft” and “being weak” by their male peers simply because they have taken on daily after-school pickup duties. This is no more fair to them than it is to women. Responsible companies need to be aware of the cultural penalties everyone pays for family support, and make efforts to reverse the penalties (especially the Motherhood Penalty ) in favor of becoming truly family-friendly workplaces, regardless of which gender parent takes on the extra loads.?
• It would reward people for their impact?- We like to think we have merit-based compensation systems and cultures,?but we don’t . We still reward people for face time, fitting into the right cultural stereotype over those who are different, and work that doesn’t produce results. The problem with rewarding such things is that we get more of it, even when it hurts–or doesn’t help–the business. Why do we do this? Because it’s easier to reward the easy stuff we see with our eyes, instead of doing the hard work of leadership:setting priorities that matter (and letting go of other stuff)keeping people accountablesupporting them and empowering themadmitting when we’re wrong so we can pivot.?

All of this is the true work of leadership and we have too many lazy leaders who are content letting their biases run their organizations. But if we did the hard work of managing to impact more often and more effectively, women who could produce results in line with their 28 day hormone cycle in the same way men do in their 24 day cycle would be equally rewarded.?

What about you?

How do you feel about the “lady stuff” our company cultures would like to ignore? I would welcome your thoughts as this truly is a topic I’m in the process of working to understand more clearly. I welcome your thoughts!

COACHING QUESTION

Go deeper into this topic by setting your phone timer and spending at least ten minutes thinking/journaling on these questions:

• In what ways do the male-advantaged workplace norms help or hurt your own productivity? With more awareness of this, what can you do to honor your own needs more proactively?
• Are there judgments you make on yourself or other women that are determined more by the cultural assumption that something is “wrong” with women because they don’t meet male standards? What if the standards were informed by female norms? How would your judgments change?
• Do you feel lucky to get accommodation for periods, pregnancies, menopause and mental challenges related to these things? What would it look like if these accommodations were “normal” and did not exact a price from you? How might you feel differently about yourself?

Want to talk about it? Bring your thoughts on the above to our next?InPower Women’s Mastermind meeting where we’ll discuss this and more.?

REMINDER: TAKE AUGUST OFF!

Just a reminder that, as we do every year, we’re taking August off from our Mastermind meeting and newsletter. I suggest you use the time you might have spent with us to schedule a few hours for a mini career retreat to think about all you’ve accomplished so far this year and reset end-of-year intentions.?

See you refreshed and focused in September!

NEXT MEETING: JULY 17th @ 12pm EASTERN - Are Women Finally Done with Being "Broken Men?" ???[Mastermind Zoom]. Learn More & Register

POWER TAKES?

A nerdy peek into my research inbox this month.

This month, we feature trends related to envisioning a truly gender-inclusive workplace culture. Society is making inroads, but as Dana mentions in the opening article, even the most open-minded of us still hold deeply embedded biases. The data tends to cluster around two biological phases for women: the childbearing years and menopause.

How workplace culture and policies shape women’s experiences during their reproductive years

Although some companies are becoming more upfront about acknowledging female biologies by creating policies such as?menstrual leave , 60% of women surveyed still report feeling there’s a stigma about discussing their periods in the workplace, and 57% have lied to their managers about the reason for taking period-related time off.? When it comes to maternity leave,?estimates vary , but 40 - 60% of employers offer paid maternity leave, a trend that has been rising over the past decade. Assuming the best-case scenario, this still leaves 40% of pregnant women with few options for taking paid time off, leading to an immediate financial strain, just as baby-related expenses go up. This financial element compounds itself when you factor in biases that lead to a lack of promotion or the (false) belief that women are less ambitious than men, sometimes called the?Motherhood Penalty .??

Menopause – the last frontier of gender bias? (Probably not)

Women in their 50’s are predicted to be the fastest-growing segment of the labor force, but?nearly 18% of them are considering modifying or leaving their jobs due to feelings of inadequate support of their menopausal symptoms. Many?support systems require only a willingness to talk with employees and some flexibility in scheduling. But we need to be willing to get this out in the open with–as Dana calls it–a “clear-eyed” approach from leadership. No eye-rolling or embarrassment, but a pragmatic, “Hey this is how women’s bodies work. And since 50% of our population experiences these physical changes, let’s get to work on creating an environment where they can thrive.”

COACHING TIP VIDEO

Working well in a male-advantaged workplace is a confusing challenge. The solution? Authenticity. Here’s my approach to what that really means

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InPowering Powerful Women,

Dana Theus

Executive Coach

InPower Coaching

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