"The innocent women's mental health ordeal." - How your desire to be innocent and pure makes you the perfect 'victim' in the real world.

I am a woman.

I am pure and innocent.

I am kind and compassionate.

I give way more than I receive.

I am a good woman.

But I am breaking from inside and I don't know why.......

Have you ever asked this question to yourself as a woman?

Are you wondering why even after giving your best to your family, your relationships, to the people you met, you have ended up being the one suffering the most?

If these questions are driving you crazy today and deep inside you can only recall those days, those moments, those events when you were kind to your ex boyfriend or ex husband, when you sacrificed your all for your family, when you trampled upon your desires to keep your parents happy, when as a child yourself you became a mother to your younger siblings, when you were the shoulder for your friends to cry upon yet today when you are in pain these people may be available to you physically, but their compassion is in no way availabe to you, then it's time for you to become aware about 'the innocent woman trope'.

Historically and well into the present times if there is a particular specimen which has suffered the most and is reeling with deep mental and emotional health issues then that is 'the innocent woman'.

• She is the woman who was once a girl raised to obey without any questions.
• She is the woman who as a girl was conditioned to always accept what her parents or her family decided for her.
• She is the woman who as a girl was denied the right to be curious and explore.
• She is the woman who as a girl was made to believe that if you are always good and kind, good things will happen to you.
• She is the woman who as a girl was made to believe that a woman's dignity lies in her ability to sacrifice.

But the same 'innocent woman' is suffering today and fighting anxiety, depression, CPTSD, self-image issues and a host of physical ailments because she was never taught to be strong for herself. All her life she was only taught to be strong for others.

• She loved with all her heart but got betrayed in return be it in a manipulative relationship or an abusive marriage.
• She did everything to keep her parents happy but when it came to supporting her, they ended up asking hurtful questions instead.
• She became the hard-working and sincere employee but when it came to her rights, she was gaslighted into believing that she's got all the priviledges her ancestors could not enjoy and it is ungrateful to ask for more.

WHY????

Because innocence only makes women easy targets at the hands of a society, a culture, a family an organisation which thrives on having people it can easily control and dominate.

We are in the midst of a mental health catastrophe today and scores of otherwise intelligent, talented and smart women are suffering because as women we have only conditioned to be 'good, pure, innocent and kind'. We have not been trained to give a fight when confronted by abusers and manipulators. We have only been taught to forgive, to try fix those who can never be fixed, to wait for better times or a saviour who pulls us out of our misery instead of becoming the 'warrior' who protects herself and gives her the safety she yearns for.

If this is getting difficult for you to understand let me just demonstrate it with my example -

I grew up in a toxic & dysfunctional family where my parents could not stand each other and while my mother became the obvious villain in my eyes because she was abusive and neglectful, my father in my eyes was no less than God who had been victimised by a bad marriage and other bad circumstances in his life. So when he asked me to take up various responsibilities in the family including that of my sisters and managing the finances, I immediately took it up because I wanted to support him and I wanted him to be happy.

What did I get in return?

I never got his support during my darkest hours because he continued to be the 'perpetual victim' who had been wronged all his life and being the covert narcissist that he was he kept manipulating my emotions making me take up more burden than I could because I was after all his 'good daughter'. But when I was in pain and suffering, it was way too convenient for him to look the other way and even state that I was 'making things up'.

I had to face the same disbelief when the friends I had trusted the most deserted me one by one during my bad times, when being good and compassionate the way I had always been only brought more pain, suffering, anxiety and depression for me.

That's when I learnt one of the most important and empowering lessons of my life -

"Being innocent as an adult is not a virtue."

As a woman with dreams, goals, desires, needs and wants it is important that we build ourselves strong enough to give ourselves the things we want.

This is not to say that you stop having relationships, that you stop making frineds, that you stop giving to your family, that you resist yourself from falling in love. This is instead to say that you do not lose yourself while giving to others, that you do not lose your ability to observe those situations and moments where you are being abused and mistreated so that you can take the decision to walk away when needed without being scared of the consequences.

Because when you see the world as it is instead of seeing it the way you have been conditioned to and when you give yourself the permission to go after your dreams and desires without thinking about peoples' opinions, you give yourself the permission to be free as well as responsible for your safety and happiness.

And if you don't know it yet, the greatest healing for any mental, emotional or even physical health issue is to be free from the opinions and views of the world so that you can enjoy the experience of being 'truly and uniquely yourself'.