Inner work for increased influence

Each of us have only our own “Self” in direct control. And that holds true for leaders too. In spite of all the power a leader has due to his position, he only has his own Self in his direct control. Everything else falls into the indirect control (circle of influence) or no control categories.?

Therefore, the size of the Circle of Direct Control is the same for both leaders shown in the figure. But the Self is qualitatively different in both cases (this difference is shown through a change in color from yellow to green). The difference is due to the “Inner work” the 2nd leader has done on himself, leading to a more evolved Self.

“Leadership is an intense journey into yourself. It's about being self-aware. Every morning, I look in the mirror and say, 'I could have done three things better yesterday”- Jeff Immelt (ex – CEO of General Electric)

Inner work is exactly what Jeff Immelt says - An intense journey into yourself. A continuous journey of introspection and reflection on your character, principles, thoughts, emotions, words, actions, habits and decisions, and then implementing the learnings to move forward on the path of self-improvement.?

A leader who has not done this inner work has an impoverished and weak Self. Since his Self is deficient, he seeks power from his position to make up for the lack within. He relies on his formal authority to influence his subordinates. In return he merely receives fear based compliance. Whereas a leader with an evolved Self earns respect based commitment because of who he is.? Respect based commitment will always achieve higher motivation and performance compared to fear based compliance.

There are situations where position based power or leading through the fear of consequences is necessary, but an evolved leader uses that power sparingly, only in critical circumstances when needed. Whereas, a leader with an impoverished Self leads primarily through the fear of consequences, because he cannot lead by being who he is – he has not earned that respect.

Inner work is a vast topic comprising different areas, but here are 4 elements of inner work which I believe have the greatest impact on a leader’s influence and effectiveness:

1. Integrity – People want an honest leader. Kouzes and Posner’s book The Leadership Challenge says that the number one quality people want in a leader is integrity. They want a trustworthy leader. Integrity means an integration of principles, words and actions – all these 3 must be congruent. Leaders are watched very closely to check for this congruence. People want leaders to do what they say they will do. Integrity also includes authenticity. Simply put authenticity is “What you see is what you get”. A forthright leader is free of duplicity, hidden agendas and manipulation, and will easily win the trust of people.?

Measure and improve your integrity – Integrity has many aspects to it, but one metric that will significantly help in measuring your integrity is your Do/Say ratio. The ratio measures how much of what you said did you actually do. People watch this ratio minutely, and leaders are literally scrutinized under a microscope for any gaps between what they say and do. Ideally, you would want this ratio to be 1 - Always do what you said you would do. But, there will be exceptions, and you should aim for a ratio which is very close to 1.

When you start tracking this ratio, you will become more deliberate with your choice of words and statements. You will invest effort in thinking through situations, exploring them from different perspectives, and will make commitments only after thinking about what it will take to follow through with them. This will help you be known as a leader who walks the talk, and give you immense gains in influence.

2. Grit –It is the drive and ability to persevere in spite of obstacles. It means not giving up on your goals, following through and doing whatever it takes to get to the finish line. Grit needs high degrees of self-discipline, commitment and courage. It also needs a lot of self-restraint to not get swayed by distractions that drag you away from your goal.

Grit is a highly inspirational quality in a leader. It is literally contagious. If the leader doesn’t give up, the team won’t give up.? People want a leader who encourages and inspires them with his own grit.?

Measure and improve your grit – Look at the goals you set for yourself over the last 1 or 2 years. Are you consistently investing effort in achieving them? Or are you filled with regret for giving up on them? For each goal you set, give yourself a score out of 10 where 10 is your best possible effort, and 0 is no effort. The higher the score, the lesser is your regret.

Be honest with yourself. Do some thinking through about why a score is less than 10, and how will you improve it. As you improve the score, your regret will decrease. Regret eats away at self-esteem, making you feel weak within and unable to lead others. Don’t allow regret to take hold over you. It can be highly destructive if not controlled early enough by corrective action. Do this exercise every 3 months, and you are bound to see immense improvement in yourself.

3. Empathy – A leader who cares for his team, and is willing to listen and understand their point of view scores high on influence. Every person has an innate desire to feel cared for, heard and understood. Deep listening is the first requisite of empathy. Deep listening is not just listening with your ears. It includes listening with your eyes, heart and soul. It means listening to the said and unsaid, observing body language and energy levels. This is how you can get into the shoes of the other person, get a grasp of his state of mind, and what he could be going through.?

Empathetic leaders adapt their response to the state of mind of their team members. A helping hand, a kind act, some work related adjustments or just the mere act of listening could help alleviate the pain of a subordinate.

People never forget someone who helped them out when they were in a difficult situation. Just as they never forget someone who could have helped them, but did not.?

Measure and improve your empathy – Think about the last 6 months or year. How many times did you practice deep listening when a team member was sharing a concern with you? Did you interrupt too often or did you listen with an open mind (not mentally rehearsing your response)? Did you give your 100% attention to the person speaking to you (without being preoccupied with a phone, laptop or thinking about other things)? Rate your deep listening skills on a scale of 10, with 0 being the worst, and 10 as the best. Get feedback from your team on your listening skills, and compare this with your self rating. Ask them for suggestions on improving your listening skills.

Does your team feel that you care about them? How often do you actively help out a subordinate when needed? Were there situations when you could have been kinder and more empathetic? Reflect on each of these questions, and create an action plan to improve your empathy if you score low.?

4. Humility - It is the ability to not be full of I, me, myself. It means a certain comfort in being ourselves, without the need to constantly prove our superiority over others. True?humility?is not?thinking less?of?yourself, it is thinking of?yourself?less - so, you don’t spend every waking minute thinking about yourself and promoting yourself. It does not mean that you are meek or weak. And, it is not the opposite of self-esteem, which is a much needed quality.

It is the opposite of arrogance or a bloated ego which only seeks to gratify itself even at the expense of others.?

Arrogant leaders want to prove themselves right in every situation, without any consideration for others. Humble leaders can admit their mistakes and correct themselves. They will happily share credit and the gains too. They are willing to listen to people who disagree with them, and even learn from them. They are not obsessed with proving themselves right in every situation, regardless of the consequences.

Measure and improve your humility – Score yourself on the following 3 questions on a scale of 0 to 10. 0 means extremely difficult, and 10 means extremely easy

1. I can admit when I am wrong or have made a mistake
2. I can disagree with people and still respect them
3. I am willing to change my mind when presented with good reason / evidence

If you score low on these questions, start doing exactly what these statements say. Learn to admit your mistakes and take corrective action. Understand and respect people who are different from you, and have different points of view.

A mere disagreement should not lead you to dismiss the entire person. You can choose to disagree agreeably.

Every disagreement is not a personal attack on your identity. If you listen, converse and have a meaningful dialogue, you may come to a higher understanding of the topic at hand. Accept that you may not have all the knowledge on a particular topic. Actively seek out alternate perspectives to learn and get a holistic grasp of the situation.

Couple these 4 elements with deep competence in your subject area, and you will be a leader to reckon with. People will seek out opportunities to work with you. Build further on this strong foundation by learning various techniques for influence – communication styles, using logic, data, facts, visuals, emotional appeal, storytelling etc. But, don’t forget that these techniques can only survive on a robust foundation of inner work. They will collapse sooner or later, without the support of inner work.

Inner work acts as a propeller to accelerate influence and achievement. Make sure it figures high on your priority list, and remember that the deeper you go within, the higher you will go outside.

Gulshan Walia - I am a leadership coach & HR consultant. My main areas of work are leadership development, coaching, behavioural skill workshops, performance management and HR processes. Here is an overview of my coaching practice. Drop me a note at [email protected] if you are interested.

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