INNER HEALING FROM PERSISTENT WOUNDS

Emotional Recalibration is all about accepting that although you cannot change what is in the past, you absolutely can change your personal feelings towards it.?

This applies to anything and everything and all circumstances; any time frame, whether the source of your discomfort was long ago or happened just this morning. It also applies to whoever is in your past, and whatever action has taken place. Of course, you are not responsible for someone else's deeds; indeed this is a hugely important part - you are, however - completely responsible for how you choose to react to whatever is bothering you.? This is a complex topic and it is key to emotional freedom and enduring peace. It’s a long term commitment to protecting your peaceful inner world.

You can go on blaming. Of course you can. That way you can guarantee you’ll always feel exactly as you feel now, or worse.

I did not choose for my father to leave and never to return?when I was just a few weeks old. I never saw him for visits, not even once. Sadly, I received a secondary wound at the age of twenty-two, when I found my father, calmly knocked on his door, and introduced myself. Although he was charming, he was quite sanguine about the whole thing; he had always believed that I would come and search him out one day, and how very nice it was to finally meet me. He actually told me that they should never have had me, as the marriage was already over, and it was my arrival that had finally tipped things over the edge.? All that build up. All that emotion I had invested in my long-lost father seemed almost indulgent at that point, and I was merely connected with what was tantamount to a stranger. A very polite and good natured stranger.?

After only a dozen or so perfectly pleasant meetings, he died. It was a heart attack, and he went instantly. I went to see him at the chapel of rest. When I looked at his face closely, I saw our physical likeness and felt the strange irony of sharing similar features with a man I hardly knew. My mind ran through almost go and see him more often, anger at his laissez-faire attitude, a throw-back of the seventies and his "Cool Hippie Ibiza Vibe.” Anger at our parting before I had a chance to develop any sense of a truly meaningful relationship and a guilty sense of disloyalty toward my mother who had assumed complete responsibility for me and my sister.

But more than anything, there was a deep sadness for the little girl who never knew what it was to be a daddy's girl and a little princess; scooped up, held tight, and unconditionally loved. I felt such sorrow for her; the dreams she had of having her own daddy; her own knight in shining armour.?Her hopes that?one day he would arrive at her door, declare he was her long lost father, and would never again leave her side. I would picture the scene in The Railway Children, when the steam from the train finally clears to reveal the children's father; finally home. I always wished that one day my own might do the same, and I would run towards him with his arms ready to envelop?me. I saw such fantasies? dance about before my eyes.The Father Presence is so potent; all my little friends had innate confidence that they were definitely the best daughter in the world, and that theirs was the cleverest, strongest, most protective daddy.? I told that little girl, that heart-broken junior version of myself, that although I couldn't change anything and that regrettably, although it happened, she need not be despondent. She lives within me, and I? check in with her all the time. .

When you are triggered, instead of allowing your emotions to spiral out and take over, Inner Child Work and Recalibration makes it possible for you to look at the feeling with curiosity and compassion, bringing you back to peace. You can sit with a feeling, and see it as an experience, something to learn and grow from. You can gently examine which scar has been scratched...

Gabor Maté describes the feeling of loss of control like allowing your inner child to get their sticky little hands on the steering wheel. Yes, they are you, but they don’t know how to drive yet. Firmly but kindly, strap your inner child back into their car seat in the back of the vehicle, and take back control.

I looked at my father, in peaceful repose. My anger and frustration subsided. I realised in that moment that all I could do was let go?of manufactured dreams, of idealised scenarios and ultimately, of disappointment.? In truth, I really felt a great deal of pity for the man; after all, he never knew the joy of raising two little girls. He never experienced their tiny hands in his, or the simple pleasure of reading a bedtime story and a kiss goodnight. He missed so much and now it was too late.?

I forgave him.? When he was lowered into the ground, I forgave him again, but more than that, a little part of me was released, and finally free.?

Had I been aware of the practice of Ho’oponopono, I would have done it then, but I know it now, and it has been transformational in my healing journey. The prayer is a Hawaiian mantra for healing and reconciliation.?

All you do is say these four phrases. Then say them like you really mean it. Really really mean it. Say it over and over and over and over.

I’m sorry

Please forgive me

Thank you

I love you

Now go and look in the mirror, and do Ho'oponopono on yourself.

The eminent psychiatrist and survivor of the horrors of Auschwitz, Viktor Frankl authored the greatest book I have ever read; "Man's Search For Meaning." He said?Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

Tanya x?

I really know how it feels.

I EXPAND A BIT MORE ABOUT EMOTIONAL RECALIBRATION ON A PODCAST CALLED "THE SECRETS OF LEARNING AND DEVELOPMENT" Let me know if you'd like the link.

If you would like to know more about how I can help you develop your own powerful emotional resilience so you can thrive in tough times, please book a call with me https://calendly.com/tanyamannrennick/30min