Inner Ghouls and Goblins That Bind Us

Here in North America we are on the precipice of Halloween, and I don't know about you but my neighborhood yards are full of ghosts, ghouls, witches and goblins. Driving down my street at night reveals a smattering of dark figures lurking in the bushes and ominously lit front porches glowing orange or green.

There's something funny to me about being frightened by these plastic blow-up models that lightly sway in the breeze. We know they aren't "real" and that they can't hurt us. But everyday in my role as a transformational coach and educator, I witness the inner ghouls and goblins that do hurt. They inflict pain. They hold leaders back from being the greatest versions of themselves. They bind us... until we learn to work with them.

What's the inner ghoul that binds you the most?

Some of my clients' favorites are:

• The Confidence-zapping Zombie
• The Comparison Creature
• The Suck-it-up-and-take-it Soul Sucker
• The Take-it-all-personally Reaction Monster
• The Self Doubt Demon

Whatever your flavor of inner ghosty is, isn't it time to untether from it's clenches so that you can move forward with confidence, clarity and calm?

Untethering from the clenches of your inner ghoul

Step 1: Dialogue with the inner beast/voice

The first step is not to find a chainsaw and hack it to bits, it's actually to have a relationship with it. Just like the ones in my neighborhood, when you get right down to it, the inner ghoul holding you back is just like a blow-up plastic model. You can uninflate it, hold it in your hands, fold it up and put it away in the attic. But only after you listen to what it has to say.

Take out a notebook or open a document and let yourself write out all of the things that the negative voice in your head is saying. You might even want to give it a name, as in...

• "Me: What are you afraid of?"
• ?? "Inner Monster: I'm afraid you're going to seriously mess this up. You are not qualified or ready for this. You're an idiot."
• "Me: But what are you really afraid of?"
• ?? "Inner Monster: I'm afraid that you'll fail and that you'll never be happy if you do. I'm afraid that you're not thinking hard enough about the negative repercussions of these actions..."

Step 2: Uncover the positive intention that this voice has for you

Ask enough questions until you get to the heard of the problem and what the voice inside has as a positive intention for you. Even though this voice is not "kind" to you, it does ultimately want something positive. As in...

• "Me: Ok. I got it. You want to protect me."
• ?? "Inner Monster: Yeah, dummy!"

Step 3: Negotiate a way through

Once you have clarity on what the inner voice has as a positive intention, you can ask what this voice would need in order to stop beating you up and give you space to do what you want to do. This could sound something like...

• "Me: What would you need so that you are satisfied that I'm protected, but also that I'm taking action toward what I want? What might I do or do differently?"
• ?? "Inner Monster: You could make a list of the risks and seriously consider them instead of willy-nilly going about this. You could ask a few colleagues what they think about this hair-brained idea of yours. You could have a backup plan. You could consider what you're going to do if you fail."

It's ok if the inner ghoul is worried, upset or even yelling in your head. Allow that concern to be there, and then come back to the deeper truth of who you are. We all have thoughts that stop us sometimes. It's just your brain trying to protect you and survive.

Remember, you are more than your thoughts. You are powerful beyond measure.

?? Have a wonderful week and a Happy Halloween if you celebrate this holiday.

And if you'd like a little support with taming the voice, I'm here to help. www.calendly.com/kimcarpenter/momentum

Kim Carpenter, PCC (Professional Certified Coach), is a nationally recognized leadership expert for her work advising, coaching and training professionals to be high performing, people-centric leaders. After a distinguished career leading critical marketing, business development, advertising and IT project development for Fortune 500 corporations, she launched her own consulting business. She quickly landed clients at top corporate brands across a wide range of industries impacting organizations such as SLB, Microsoft, Apple, PBS and others.

Over the last 17 years, she has coached and trained over 4500 professionals in 22 countries on developing their leadership skills through live workshops, conferences, virtual training, one-on-one and group coaching. Kim has been featured as a speaker at over 50 conferences, and regularly impacts audiences with her unique focus on neuroscience, trust, teamwork and no-BS bottom line results. Her clients repeatedly report an increase in retention, engagement, exceeding KPIs and overall happiness and satisfaction at work.

Kim is a recertification provider for HR leaders through SHRM and HRCI and her company People at the Center is a certified Woman-Owned Business Enterprise.