Initiate

The Christmas season can bring out the best in us, but it can also bring out the worst. For many, the holidays harbor just as many bad memories as they do good memories. For every perfect holiday moment in my memory bank, I have one that I wish I didn’t happen. I think the reason for this heightened awareness of the contrast between the best and worst in our lives during the holidays is because of two mindsets. We either put the season on a pedestal where we want everything to be perfect and are disappointed when it isn’t. Or we automatically expect everything to be horrible and blind ourselves to the good things before they can even happen.

Our relationships are at the root of these two mindsets. The good, the bad, and the ugly. You don’t get to choose your family or even your friends. Some would disagree with this statement. They would say that they have full control of the people they choose to associate themselves with. Here is where I disagree with this perspective. If we truly had full control of everyone we associate ourselves with, we wouldn’t associate with anyone at all because we wouldn’t have given them a chance in the first place. As much as we think we do, we don’t get the luxury of cherry-picking our personal and professional relationships based on specific preferences or needs. The human condition is one that is marred with imperfection and the people that come into our lives whether by birth, choice, or through random happenstance, will never be the perfect match.

This is not to say that is a bad thing. The beauty of life is that we get to experience it with others. We get the opportunity to navigate our path, and if we strive to make the best of the trail that unfolds before us each day, we do it with the help of others. This is a double-edged sword. With relationships come conflict, disagreement, and heartache. One of the hardest things for us to do is to forgive. When we feel like we are wronged by someone, it almost seems like we get stuck on an escalator that shuts down while we are on it. We know the solution is simple, just start walking. But instead of doing what we already know, we wait for someone to fix the escalator for us knowing full well that the repairman may take days, years, or might not come at all.

We are all used to overreactions. It’s the mom in Wal-Mart that just can’t take it anymore and is making more of scene than her kids were making in the first place. It’s the dad who yells at the official of a 5th grade girls basketball game knowing full well the results of the game will not predicate his daughter going to the WNBA.

The over-underreaction

How do we get off the broken escalator? Andy Stanley gives some great advice called which he coined the over-underreaction. This is how Jesus lived his life on this earth and is one of the foundational teachings in Christianity that I don’t think gets enough merit this day in age. When conflict happens, because it inevitably will, the over-under reaction is predicated by considering what it looks like to catch someone off guard with our reactions in a good way. It is the scenario where an overreaction is completely justified, but you do the exact opposite. The over-underreaction is an unexpected, counterintuitive, remarkable reaction to disappointment, to being mistreated, unmet expectations, criticism, even betrayal, loss, or rejection. Someone looks at what happened to you, and they think you are justified with an overreaction. You should be bitter. You should be demanding your way. You should be broadcasting your grievances. You should be badmouthing him or her. You should hope they fail. Instead, they say.

You reacted how?

You’re not bitter?

You're not demanding your way?

Wait, you showed up for them after they walked away from you,

You helped them after they hurt you?

Wait, you're telling me you apologized?

Wait, you forgave them"?

The antidote to division is not agreement, it’s reconciliation. It is a part of human nature to think we are right most of the time. I can guarantee, in the end, no one remembers who was right and who was wrong. To be honest, it doesn’t matter anyway. This holiday season be the first to initiate. Be the first to forgive. Apologize, write that note, send that text and turn the other cheek. As hard as it might be sometimes, you will never regret being this type of person and others will thank you for it.